Last Song
by Madismom
Summary: It's been 4 months since the Cullen's left. Bella comes to a life changing decision. Who will help her? First FF, please r/r
1. Chapter 1

**AN: don't own Twilight**

Chapter 1 BPOV

I sat in the chair looking outside at the rain. It felt like the heavens were crying with me, mourning the loss of a lifetime. I couldn't imagine going on anymore, faking my life for Charlie or Renee or even Phil. They would continue after I was gone. They would wake up each day and continue. A passing thought through my mind made me wonder why I couldn't find it in my heart or mind to want to.

I only hoped that they would remember me fondly. That, at some point, I had brought more than misery to their lives. Maybe a memory or two of a happier time would be something that they would hold onto.

It has been 4 months since the day in the woods. That day I have tried so hard to forget, but still cling to remember. After being labeled "nearly catatonic", getting yelled at by my parents and threatened by Charlie to "return me to Florida", I woke up. I made my way every day to school or work or home, the only places that I go now. I don't remember the past 4 months, just the pain and the hole in my chest that threatens to tear me apart at the mere passing of anything that might remind me of them.

It is with this hole that I finally decide to do something. I start packing up the belongings that Charlie will need to get rid of once I am gone. I want to make this easier on him. Heaven knows my mother will not be of any help to him. After a couple of hours of packing boxes, I realize all I own is categorized into three things; clothes, books and my cactus. My entire existence is neatly packed away into three boxes of clothes and a box of books. My cactus sitting on top of the boxes. All of the other items in the room would not be identified as mine. They were fixtures in the imaginary world that I lived in for the past year.

The world where I had 2 sisters and 2 brothers, where I could see myself standing next to him for all eternity. Now I see nothing. The world shattered by the course of my stupid mistake and his words. It's time to be done with this. I can't keep going on with everything when what I wanted most had thought me to be unworthy of his attention anymore. "Not good enough", "don't want me", "It'll be as if he never existed".

As my last act, I sit and write 2 letters. First to Charlie, Renee and Phil. Apologizing for not being strong enough, for not holding on to their words that I would get better. Wishing for them the happiness that I could no longer fathom in my own life.

The second letter was to them. Letting them know I understand why they did what they did to me. It wasn't just about him letting me go, all of them left. I told them I loved them all and wish for them to have a happy existence without any further complications.

When I was done with the letters, I left Charlie's on the kitchen table, took one last look around the house and left. There were no more tears to cry. Driving to their house, I looked back on the past year, my decisions, words said, actions performed; would I have changed anything if I knew what would happen?

No.

Everything I did I would do again, except maybe getting myself cut by paper.

**AN: First time writing, please let me know your thoughts. I know it's been done before, but I keep having thoughts about some of the characters and thought I would try my hand at it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: don't own.**

Chapter 2

I began to reach the end of their driveway, wondering what the house would look like now. Would it be maintained, look the way she always had it? Would it be scary and look like the way the movies portray the houses that mythical creatures dwell in?

I was shocked to see it looked exactly as I last saw it. I would have imagined overgrown grass and weeds. I am sure that those with perfect eyesight would detect changes. But my human eyes saw no difference.

I turned my truck off and walked up the steps to the front door. My heart beating a mile a minute, I chuckle as I imagine what they would have thought if they had heard it. But this was not an excited heart. This was a terrified heart. Not even wanting to see inside, I slid the note under the threshold. Someone would find it…Eventually.

I got back in my truck and pulled around the side of the house. I remember once, he gave me the code for the garage. There I could go. There were no happy memories there. Punching in the code, I was pleased to see that the door slowly opened.

Most of the cars were gone. I am sure that they would need them wherever they had gone. I can't say as that I am surprised. There was one car left in the garage. I am surprised that this was the one that was left. Shrugging my shoulders, I get back in my truck and pull in. Leaving the truck on, I walked over to the keypad, punched the number in and watched as the door closed. Sealing me, my truck and the lone car left in the garage.

I got back in my truck, rolled the windows down and waited. I knew that carbon monoxide poisoning was slow, but it was pretty painless. I smiled as I realized with all the pain that I had felt over the past few months, that I would end it by way of a painless method. Something more dramatic would have been better, but this way I would just go to sleep. A sleep that would be peaceful and somber, no more nightmares, no more screaming for them, no more praying that I wake up and he is sitting in my rocking chair. Or that she is happily bouncing in my room with a new outfit.

No, this would be simple. Go to sleep, release the pain, die.

I started coughing as the garage filled up with smoke. My head was getting dizzy. I sat there and smiled. Soon, I thought.

Closing my eyes, I started to remember everything I could about my time with them. Not something I allowed since the day in the woods. I opened my mind to it all. The first day at lunch when Jessica and Angela were explaining the family to me. How they all seemed so different, yet alike.

I tried to recall a time when I didn't realize something was different with them. From almost the first moment, I realized that they were all special. Emmett, my brother in so many ways. Rosalie, the sister you never wanted, but would still love more than anything. Alice, hyper-fun loving shopaholic. Jasper, so quiet you couldn't tell if he was standoffish or thoughtful. Edward, my world. Carlisle and Esme were the parents I never had but secretly always wanted. This was my family.

They protected each other. I thought I was a part of that. But he made the decision for them to leave me and they left. Leaving their daughter, their sister, their love behind. I giggled when I realized that was not what families do. But oh well.

For once, I let myself relive the memory of that night, when my life changed and I lost it all. The lights, the music, the cake and glass plates. Why would they need so many plates? I am the only one eating….laughing. The stereo box that was empty, Emmett already installing it. I glanced to the empty spot in my truck right now, remembering the bloody fingers I got ripping it out. Going to open the next gift, I remember the brief sting of the paper cut and the singular drop of blood that flowed out of my finger. "FUCK" going through my head. Looking up, I remember everyone stopped breathing, Edward's eyes black as night glancing at me as he shoved me back into the glass plates. Then Jasper charging forward, the look in his eyes similar to the ones I saw when the family was protecting me from James.

My head was getting heavy as I lay across the front seat of my truck. Hoping that somehow this would be over quick. The thoughts in my head were getting jumbled as the gas seeped into my lungs and brains. I thought about them all once last time before I let the gas take over and succumb to it. I blamed myself and Edward, certainly not Jasper. My last coherent thought showed me that Edward was protecting me but he was protecting me for himself. I think my fresh blood finally taunted him too much. His control slipped. What surprised me was Jaspers reaction. Seemed like he was trying to help.

Maybe I got it wrong. I closed my eyes again and drifted off, hopefully into the permanent sleep and pain-free atmosphere I was dying for.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: don't own.**

Chapter 3

?POV

We were out hunting when I got the phone call from Esme.

"Would you be a dear and run down to the Fork's house and go into the safe? There are several things that I need to get the house purchased here in New York." She asked.

I looked at him. Of course he smiled and nodded.

"Sure Esme, we are up in Alaska now, but will head down there and get what you need. We will take a plane out to meet you in New York early next week." I said.

"Don't forget, Edward doesn't want any of us interfering with Bella's life. So just grab what I need and get out of there. No hanging around looking for her."

I rolled my eyes, of course I wouldn't look for her.

Finishing our hunt, we started running south through Canada to the border. Only talking every now and then about the upcoming move to New York. While we weren't going to the city this time, I loved New York. The weather was perfect for us. During the summer, we often traveled and did our shopping.

We approached the house from the back door and walked in. Both of us looked at each other as we realized Bella's scent was fresh in the area. I shot upstairs to the safe and got what Esme needed and was walking downstairs when I heard a gasp.

"Get down here, NOW!" he said.

"Look what I found at the front door" handing me an envelope.

_Dear Cullen family,_

_I know by now you are probably all happy again, without the memories of my existence and the problems that I caused for you. I understand why you had to leave. I understand what I did wrong. My accident prone nature caused me to lose the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. You as my family. At first Edward leaving was the only thing I thought about. But I loved you all. With all my heart._

_Carlisle, you were the true meaning of a father. Caring, loving, wise, and compassionate. I never will forget all of our conversations, usually during a minor medical mishap on my end. _

_Esme, my mother in every sense of the word. Never underestimating the power of love, you gave everything to your family that a mother should give._

_Emmett, my brother. My big, lovable brother. I love your always positive outlook and protective nature._

_Rosalie, my sister. You may not have liked me, but I loved you. Your fierce loyalty to your family is one that is not often seen. While most think of you as only beautiful on the outside, I know of your beauty on the inside._

_Alice, my sister and best friend. I hated playing dress up. But I would do it all again if it meant I could see the smile on your face._

_Jasper, my protector. I remember Phoenix. I remember the words you told me. I wish I could have believed it then or now. You really are a gentle soul. Thank you for trying to protect me then and the night of my birthday._

_Edward, you broke my heart until it became unrecognizable and unrecoverable. I hope you have found whatever you were looking for._

_Love always,_

_Bella_

I looked into his eyes, they were glossy as I am sure mine were. What happened when we left?

He opened the front door of the house as we got ready to leave for our Seattle flight when we smelled it. Following the stench of gas around the house to the garage, I had an idea of what we would find there but I was hoping I was wrong.

He punched in the code on the garage and as the door slowly opened a giant plume of smoke filtered out of the garage. There, in the middle of the garage, was Bella's truck, running. With the window's open.

"SHIT" I screamed.

"Get her out of there and back in the house" I told him.

He ripped off the door of her truck, grabbed her limp body and ran back to the house. I turned the truck off and followed, leaving the garage door open to air out all of the smoke.

I followed him into the house and upstairs to our bedroom. As he layed her on the bed I opened all the windows in our room to get some fresh air in the house. Both of us looked at each other and listened. It was faint, but we both heard her heart still beating.

"What was she thinking?" I asked him.

Before he could even answer, I kept going, "Why would she do this? And the note, why the note? What the heck happened after we left? What did he say to her?" I was rambling. Questions coming out a mile a minute.

"I don't know Rose, I don't know. But we are going to find out" Emmett looked at me, then looked at Bella laying in our room, barely cling to life.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 4

RPOV

"Emmett, go downstairs, get some ice water and see if there is any food left, maybe some of crackers" I told him.

I grabbed my phone and searched carbon monoxide poisoning on the internet, seeing if I can figure out what we should do. Nausea, dizziness, vomiting are symptoms. I could have called Carlisle, but something was telling my not to.

"Emmett, grab a garbage can also, she might get sick if she makes it out of this" I whispered.

I sat on the edge of the bed, she hadn't moved a muscle from where he laid her. Her chestnut colored hair clinging to her body from sweat and tears. Her skin looked as translucent as mine and she was thin. My god she was thin. How much weight had she lost? Prior to us leaving, the girl had a healthy body frame, shiny hair and while she was pale, she certainly had more skin tone than what I was seeing.

Emmett came back upstairs with some water and crackers he found in our cupboards. "What should we do Rose? Should we change her? I mean, that is what she always wanted. What if she sits here and dies and we could have saved her?"

I thought about what he was asking for a moment. I never did like Bella, but in all honesty, would it be so bad to have her as a sister? I wonder what she meant in the letter about me being beautiful on the inside, no one ever said that about me. And Jasper, being a protector? How could she view him like that, he tried to go after her.

"Emmett, I wish I knew. I looked on line and depending on how long she was in the garage, there is a good chance that she will survive this and be fine, but look at her. She doesn't even look like Bella. She has to have lost 15 pounds, those circles under her eyes are not from gas poisoning. I don't know if we should stay or go, do we contact the family?

Bella whimpered at that last comment, turned on her side and clutched her abdomen. Tears streaming out of her unconscious body. Her heart sounded a little stronger than when we first found her.

"Emmett, let's give it a day or so. I'll call Esme and tell her that we are going to visit Tennessee and I'll overnight her the documents." I said. I couldn't help but wonder what brought Bella to this point. I mean, I know she loved Edward, but her note seemed more toward all of the rest of us, rather than just him. Her comment to him was very snide.

"I don't want the family knowing about this yet" Emmett stated. "I want to speak with Bella, if she will even want to, and find out what she has been through. Rose, I know you didn't think much about her, but I really cared for her like a brother would care for a sister. I don't think I can leave again without knowing if she is okay."

"Emmett, from what I can see, and what I remember from being human, Bella hasn't been okay in about 4 months" I countered. "But fine, we'll keep this to ourselves, unless Alice has already seen the decision, then we will have to think of something else. And it's not that I didn't like her, I just didn't understand why she would be throwing her life away for a boy who wouldn't even respect her opinion on anything. It's not like that would have changed if she had become one of us, he still would have made all her decisions, probably telling her which animals to hunt…"

As much as I love my brother, I didn't like the way he treated Bella. And she allowed it. When I was still human, I had too. For a while I hated my existence, but it did give me the chance to learn to stand up for myself. Now I just say what is on my mind. When Edward and I used to speak about Bella, I tried to convince him to let her make her own decisions, but help in guiding her, not treating her like a 5 year old. I might as well have been talking to a brick wall. Edwards sense of self importance and know it all attitude gets tiring.

Bella began moaning and whimpering a little more. She hadn't moved much, but the tears were still coming out of her eyes. I wondered how it was possible to cry while you were asleep.

"Bella, can you hear us? It's Rose and Emmett. If you can, please say something." I grabbed her hand hoping the difference in temperature would wake her a little. "Emmett, get a wet washcloth. See if maybe we can wake her up a little bit, I don't want her unconscious too long."

As he took care of that, I brushed some hair away from her face. Again, hoping my skin temperature would wake her up a little bit. She was whimpering and moaning still, arms tightening around her midsection. It looked like she was about to throw up. I carried her over to the bathroom and put her down near the toilet in case she started to get sick. "So much pain" she barely whispered as I set her down.

"Bella, it's Rose. Can you hear me? Please say something. Emmett and I are here, we found you. Can you tell us what happened?" I almost was begging her now. Just as it looked like she was about to say something, she started getting sick. I held her hair back and told Emmett to start the shower. If she was coming out of this, I wanted to get some awareness back into her quickly so we can find out what was going on. This wasn't normal. In all my existence, I have seen women go through heartbreak. It sure as hell didn't look like this. There was something else going on. I knew that for certain. I just didn't know what it was.

"Emmett listen, we need to figure this out. Go put the garage door down so no one can see Bella's truck. Then head over to her house, see if you can find anything over there. Be careful if Charlie is home, but see if you can get any information. Don't be seen." He nodded, leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before looking at Bella's form, still hovering over the toilet. My husband looked like he was about to cry, staring at the one person he truly considered a sister. With a small smile, he turned and left.

Bella started coughing and slowly began to lift her head from her arm. She looked at me like I had three heads. "Not real, just a dream, just another dream" She whispered. I picked her up and carried her over to the shower. Both of us, fully clothed stood in the shower, I didn't even know if I should be doing this. But it seemed like I needed to get her fully aware of her surroundings before I could get any answers from her. I still kept going over her note in my head. Some of it made perfect sense, other portions I didn't understand. God this was frustrating. As the hot stream of water poured over us, Bella started to wake up a bit. "Bella, I am just going to take your clothes off. They still smell like gas and we need to get rid of the smell so it doesn't make you sicker. Emmett's not in the room, it's just me and you, ok?" She nodded.

As I peeled off the now wet clothes, I was shocked to see exactly how much weight she had lost. Her shoulder blades stuck out of her back and ribs were visible underneath her bra. Her hip bones were jutting out like they would break if she bumped anything too hard. Having sat her down on the bench in the shower, I started washing her. Her glassed over eyes would stare at me for a second, just long enough for me to think we were getting somewhere, when she would again whisper, "just a dream, not really here". Finishing up in the shower, I carried her back to the bed and laid her down. I grabbed one of my bathrobes and started to put it on her, slowly turning her body so she didn't have to get up. I grabbed my hairbrush and pulled her up to a seated position and slid in behind her and started brushing her hair. Her hands slid back around her stomach and I thought she was going to be sick again, only to hear her start sniffling and sobbing. "Bella, it's just me, do you want to say something? Can you say anything?"

No answer.

OK, I need to try another way. "Well, why don't you listen and I'll talk then. Maybe we can start slow ok?" she nodded. Good, maybe this will work better. "Emmett and I were up hunting in Alaska and Esme called us. She wanted us to get some things from the safe here and meet the rest of the family back East. When we got to the house, both of us noticed your scent and as I went to the safe, Emmett found your letter. When we went out to the front of the house, we smelled the gas from the garage and found you." I paused, seeing if maybe she would say something, she just nodded. "Anyways, we got you back in the house and you were unconscious for about 3 hours. I sent Emmett over to your dad's house to see if we can find anything out. I would love to hear you say something Bella, can you say anything?" I was desperate to get her to say anything.

"Not real, just a dream. Rosalie so beautiful on the inside." OK, not what I expected, but at least it's a little more than what she said before.

"Why do you say that Bella? You wrote that in your letter too. What makes you think I am beautiful on the inside? I have never even been nice to you." I knew I was grasping at straws here, but I didn't know what else to say. If she wanted to talk about my beauty, then we would start there. Emmett arrived back home and flew upstairs to our room, standing in the doorway listening. I put my fingers to my lips, asking him to be quiet for a minute.

"Loyal, protective, loves Emmett. Beautiful on the inside too. Just the way family is supposed to be" Well, that about shocked the hell right out of me. Emmett looked at me and smiled. The love that man has for me is astounding. He still had a sad smile on his face and quickly whispered "she left a note for her father, he's still at work so he hasn't gotten it yet. She packed up everything she owns in her room. Rose, why would she want to kill herself?"

I just shrugged my shoulders and pulled Bella back onto my chest a little bit, so she was more comfortable than just sitting up, as comfortable as you could be on my marble body. She curled up a little bit and grabbed hold of my shirt and started crying again. This time was a little softer than previously. She glanced over to the door and saw Emmett staring down at her. She sighed. "Emmett, brother. Just a dream, not real"

"Emmett, that's all she keeps saying, just a dream, not real. I have no idea what is going on, but it's like she is separated from reality. She knows we are here, can answer some of my questions, but thinks that we are a dream of hers." I whispered to him, so low she couldn't hear.

He moved from the doorway around the bed to join us on the other side. He lay down next to Bella and began rubbing her back. She sighed and I could hear her heartbeat slow down a little bit and she closed her eyes to sleep. The next 6 hours we sat in the same position. Emmett and I discussing options, contemplating ideas and watching Bella sleep. Neither of us wanted to involve the rest of the family, but didn't really have any ideas as to what the best course of action would be. We still didn't know what to do about Bella's note to her father either. At least for now, we thought maybe just leave it, it we could get Bella a little bit better, then she could always return to her father as though she had run away instead of trying to kill herself. If not, he would end up saying goodbye to her once again if she decided to end her life again and no one was there to stop her.

"I am kinda surprised that Alice hasn't contacted us yet, aren't you Emmett? I mean, wasn't Bella supposed to be her best friend? I know she has looked for her in the past couple of months. She told me about a vision she had the week after we left, Bella's father had threatened to send her back to Florida and apparently Bella got all pissed off and Alice thought that would be the turning point. She said Bella was starting to go back to school and work and seemed to be on the mend. I can't imagine that would be the last vision she had of her" I was so lost thinking about this whole situation, none of it made any sense.

"Rosie, do you think she'll be ok? I can't leave her again, especially after seeing her like this. Would you consider maybe staying here for a little while to see how she is, or we can take her somewhere else if you think that might be a better idea. I just can't leave knowing she is like this. She is my sister as much as Alice is. I let the family decide last time and went against my own opinion, but I can't do it again." He was almost in tears again, begging me to help make this right.

"Em, we will figure this out. I don't want to leave yet. I think Edward broke her heart more severely than any of us thought was possible. What do you think her note meant? Jasper and I were the ones that she knew the least and from what her note said and what she said earlier, it was strange that she would say those things to him and I. Jasper as a protector? I know he would never mean to hurt her, but her note sounded like the night of the party, he wasn't the one that was going to hurt her; that he was actually trying to help protect her."

I could feel Bella's breathing start to change, her heart speeding up a little bit as she lay curled up against my body still. Hopefully, once she was fully awake, she could answer some questions. I just hoped there wasn't any long term effects of the gas. "Em, see if there is anything left in the freezer that we can microwave for her. I am hoping she will try to eat something when she wakes up. I am going to see if I can get her to go to the bathroom and maybe brush her teeth and hair." I started rubbing Bella's back, continuing what Emmett had been doing the past several hours.

Bella blinked a few times, before her eyes stayed open and I stopped what I was doing.

"Rosalie, are you real?" she whispered. I barely heard her yet her face was less than a foot from mine.

"Yes Bella, I am real. You aren't dreaming. Emmett and I are both here. Do you want to try and get up? Maybe go to the bathroom and freshen up?"

She nodded and slowly pulled herself up off my chest, looking at me and blinking several times. Obviously trying to see if I really was here. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she tried to push herself up, but apparently lacked the strength. I moved to help her by putting my arm gently around her waist and lifted slowly til she was standing. We walked silently into the bathroom and I helped her sit down on the toilet. I left for a few minutes while she took care of things and then knocked softly before going back in the room. She had managed to stand up by herself and had walked over to the sink, splashing water on her face. I handed her a towel from the rack behind the door, grabbed the hairbrush and started brushing her hair again. Hearing her sigh and look at my through the reflection in the mirror, I could only imagine what was going through her mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 5

BPOV

There were snippets of fantasy mixed in with what I thought was my reality over the past few hours. I remember going to the big white house, pulling my truck into the garage and slowly feeling the gas fill up the space. I remember feeling like I was flying, but it was so brief that I figured it was just a hallucination. How did I get soaking wet? Why I am looking at the beautiful blond goddess that looks just like Rosalie? Sleep. Sleep is good. I remember curling up next to the cold marble body behind me wishing somehow those arms belonged to someone that loved me.

I could feel myself waking, tightly holding on to what felt like a shirt in my one hand. Where am I? I slowly opened my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on. Did I really see Rose and Emmett? Have I gone crazy? Did I die and somehow I am with Rose and Em? The last question I knew the answer was no, why would Rosalie and Emmett be in heaven, or hell, or wherever I was? "Rose, are you real?"

I heard her sweet voice asking me to get up and go to the bathroom. I was able to sit up by myself, but couldn't muster the strength to stand. Cold arms encircled my waist, helping me to the adjacent room. I was by myself again, taking care of what I needed to do. I was able to brace myself on the wall and stand up, walking slowly over to the sink. I looked in the mirror and saw her reflection again. Smiling shyly at me. I splashed some water on my face, hoping to wake me up from whatever dream I seemed to be stuck in. She handed me a towel.

I turned around and backed up to the vanity, leaning against it for support. My mind still fuzzy, but slowly clearing itself from what happened over the past however many hours. I remember sitting in my room, making my decision. The letters, to Charlie and Renee, the other to the Cullens. The feeling of flying, the cold marble-like arms that surrounded me while I laid down.

"What happened?" I figured this was a good question. One that would fill me in on what I missed.

"Bella, I guess I could ask you the same question. Emmett and I had to get some things from the safe here and we found your letter. We smelled the gas coming from the garage and found your truck. Emmett brought you back inside and we have been sitting here with you for about the past 12 hours. I gave you a shower and brushed your hair since you were smelling of smoke and gas so much. We also found your letter." She let the last part of her statement linger a little bit, obviously curious about the content.

"What time is it? What day is it? Did Charlie find the other note? Oh God, what did I do?" The fog was pretty much gone from my brain and I was beginning to panic at the thought of Charlie finding my goodbye letter and finding all my stuffed pack.

"Slow down Bella, it's Sunday, around 7 AM. I don't know if Charlie found the letter, Emmett went to your house last night, the note was still on the table but it looked like Charlie was still at work. To answer your last question, I guess I would have to ask you the same question, what did you do? Or should I say, what was done to you?" The tone in her voice was unlike I ever heard Rosalie speak to me. It wasn't the usual bitchiness that came from her. She actually sounded caring and thoughtful.

"You left."

It was the only thing I could think to say, it was the truth.

RPOV

"You left."

A statement made that sounded like 'how was the weather'. I looked at the young girl, standing in front of me and still couldn't understand what happened. I knew I sounded like a broken record at this point.

"Rose, I got Bella some breakfast" Emmett shouted up to me.

Bella jumped at the intrusion of sound in the otherwise soundless room. "Let me get you some clothes to wear Bella, I'll wash your other ones while we speak" not really giving her the option of not speaking with us. I could tell she didn't really want to get into the whole conversation. She was looking anywhere except my eyes.

I pulled out a pair of underwear, bra, sweat shorts and a tank top and placed them on the bed. As I started to leave the room I looked over my shoulder and said "Bella, get dressed and come downstairs." I closed the door and heard her sit on the bed.

I threw her clothes in the washing machine and turned to see Emmett looking at me like a lost puppy dog. He really did love the girl sitting upstairs and I could tell he didn't know what to do. "Emmett, we need to get information out of her today, we need to understand what got her in this situation. If it was Edward, then we need to help her get over him. If it is something else, we'll figure out what needs to be done. But I can't leave her here in this condition."

"I agree Rose" circling his big arms around my waist. Placing his head on my head and holding me tight he said, "I told you before, I can't leave her again. We shouldn't have left like we did, no goodbye, no closure, no hugs. He made a choice and it was the wrong one."

I heard Bella walking down the stairs and head towards the kitchen. Emmett grabbed a fork for her and the take out he got from a store up in Port Angeles. We couldn't afford to be seen in Forks, so gratefully he remembered and ran up there. As she walked into the kitchen, she glanced at me with a small smile and looked over at Emmett's huge form standing next to me. Her smile widened and she ran up to him and jumped in his arms. "I missed you so much Bella" I heard him whisper in her ear. My husband, my lovable big giant, was torn between laughing and crying as he held her as gently as he could in his arms.

"Thanks Emmett, I missed you too. I missed all of you guys." I could see the tears forming in her eyes again when she said it. Emmett put her down and walked her over to the table so she could get something to eat.

"I appreciate it, but I am really not hungry" Well, that would explain the weight loss.

"Listen Bella, you need to eat. You look horrible, you have lost too much weight and it isn't healthy" I said. She started picking at her food, not really eating a lot. She looked like we do when we go to a party, more or less she was just moving stuff around her plate.

"I can make Emmett feed you Bella. You can't fool me. You will eat and then we will talk" There was no room to negotiate in my statement. She looked at me defeated and put a bite of the scrambled eggs in her mouth. She continued to eat for a couple of minutes before asking "am I done? I really don't want anymore, my stomach is still upset."

"For now. Now why don't you tell Emmett and I why you wanted to kill yourself Bella. You really don't seem like the 'give up everything' type of girl." It came out kinda bitchy and I watched her wince at the statement. I had long ago learned that beating around the bush didn't get you very far in life.

"Rosalie, I appreciate your and Emmett's help, but really I need to get going. Charlie is probably worried and I have to think of a way to explain yesterday" She started to stand from her chair.

"Actually Bells" Emmett started "Charlie had to go to Seattle for a couple of days on a case. He left you a voicemail at your house. He still hasn't seen the letter. I ran by there on the way home from getting you some food to see if I could get an update"

"So Bella, since we have some time, would you mind answering my questions now?" I reiterated.

Sighing and looking down at her plate, you could tell that she was having some sort of internal debate. Tell or not tell, run or hide. She finally sat back down in the chair.

"Look, I know you and I weren't close, but you were close with my husband and I love him. He is hurting to see you hurting, so if you would rather talk with Emmett, I'll leave, but either way Bella, we need to know what happened to you." Great, I was back to begging. I felt like I was reliving last night trying to get her to say anything at all.

"What do you want to know Rosalie?" defeated, she looked anywhere except into my eyes.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"I told you, because you all left"

"What do you mean by that? We left four months ago, Edward explained to you why we were leaving, he said you understood." I didn't miss the wince she made when I said Edward's name, but now she was looking at me like I had three heads again.

"What do you mean, I understood?"

"OK fine Bella, if you want I'll go first. After Edward returned from dropping you home on your birthday, he told us he was going to break up with you and we needed to leave. He said he finally agreed with me, it was too dangerous for you to be in our world. Jasper losing control was the final straw for him. The rest of us packed up and left the next morning, Edward stayed behind to speak with you. When he rejoined us on the east coast, he explained that he told you why we were leaving, said that you said while you would miss us all a lot, you understood where he was coming from. He said you guys parted on good terms and wished each other well, with a message from you that you love us all"

Tears were streaming down Bella's face as I continued.

"Emmett and I left for a couple of weeks, he was really sad to leave you," I looked over at my husband sitting on the kitchen counter staring at what he believes is his little sister, "Edward took a vacation as well, about 3 months ago the family was thrown into confusion again when Alice broke up with Jasper after meeting her true soul mate, Carlisle and Esme are just trying to survive and keep everyone together in some manner of fashion."

"So now, Bella, you know what I know, so I will ask you again, what happened that made you want to kill yourself?" God I really hated being a broken freaking record.

Sitting on the kitchen chair, legs up and arms wrapped around them, Bella is crying as she is shaking her head and whispering "no, no, no".

"Bella, what do you mean no? Did I say something that wasn't true?"

She looked at Emmett who was just staring at her like his heart was breaking. He jumped down off the counter and walked over to the kitchen table, kneeled down and looked her in the eyes. "Bells, you have to tell Rosie and I what you mean, my heart is breaking watching you sit here and breakdown. Please Bells; please tell us what is going on!"

"Emmett, he didn't say that." She started, tears still rolling down her eyes. Taking a deep breath and trying to sit up straight in the chair, Emmett reached over, pulled her up and switched seats, having sat down; he pulled her to his lap. "I've got you Bells, Rosie and I are going to try to help, but you have to tell us what Edward said" Both of us noticed she winced again. I figured out by now that every time someone says Edward's name she is winces.

"Two days after the party," she started, sniffling. "Edward was at my house when I got home from school, by this time I knew something wasn't right and was going to insist we speak about it or I was going to speak with Carlisle. Edward asked me to take a walk in the woods with him. When we stopped, he told me the family was leaving; I assumed I would go with you guys. He told me he didn't want me to go, that I wasn't good enough for him and that he didn't want to pretend to be human anymore or in love with me anymore. He told me that I would forget all about the family. That being human, my memories fade with time. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and when I looked up he was gone. I tried to follow him and ended up getting lost in the woods for about 6 hours. Finally one of the boys from the reservation found me."

"But Emmett, my memories didn't fade, how could my memories fade when every time I touch my wrist, I am reminded of James, of all of you helping me stay safe. How can I forget when I have this huge hole in my chest every time I think about your family? At first all I wanted to do was try to get mad, but I couldn't. I wanted to hate Edward, but I didn't. I wanted to run and find you, but didn't know where to start. I realized that I was mad at Edward for taking away what I wanted most. My family. I was never good enough for Edward, I knew that, but I thought I found my place in your family."

"But you all left, you didn't even say goodbye, no emails, no voicemails, no letters. You just left. So after about a couple of weeks of being "catatonic" as Charlie put it, he threatened to send me back to Florida. I couldn't leave. I knew you wouldn't come back, but I was stuck now in Forks. In the one place I knew it was real. Where I could try and forget, but would never actually forget. If I went to Florida, I thought it wouldn't have been real. So I went to work, school. Answered questions, but haven't really done anything since the night of the party."

"It hurts to think of you guys, but it hurts not too either. The pain in my chest seems to lessen just enough for me to take a breath if I think about you individually. As long as I don't think of HIM. Yesterday I just couldn't deal with it anymore. He broke my heart, left me completely alone and took my family from me. I really did love you all, even you Rosalie." She smiled at me.

"You know I never even got to tell Jasper thank you." She sat, curled up in Emmett's lap, tears still coming down her face.

What the fuck? I looked at Emmett and he had the same look on his face. Somehow Edward's little break up didn't exactly go as he stated. But why would he lie to us about it? And why would she be thanking Jasper? He almost killed her last time we were together.

"Bella, in your letter you called Jasper your protector. You just said you wanted to thank him. Do you remember what happened the night of your birthday? Bella, Jasper tried to attack you, why would you want to thank him?" this I couldn't wait to hear.

"Rosalie, Jasper wasn't attacking me. When I got the paper cut, I looked up at Edward, his eyes were instantly pitch black and then he inhaled. I don't know how, but they got even darker. He shoved me away from him, into the plates where I fell and then Jasper stepped forward trying to get me away from him. Jasper wasn't trying to attack me. Edward was." She said this in such a matter of fact tone; I almost fell off my chair.

Emmett and I stared at each other. Again, the only thought in my head was 'what the fuck?' "Emmett, what is she saying? Do you think she is correct? Was Edward really going to drain her? If so, why did we all blame Jasper?" Saying these questions under my breath as Bella just sat in Emmett's lap. The look on his face was dumbstruck. There was no other way to describe it.

"Rosie, we gotta talk to Jasper, NOW."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: don't own**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and following. I am genuinely grateful. Please keep them coming and I will try to update as often as I can.**

Chapter 6

EMPOV

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Bella really believed that Edward was going to drain her? And Jasper was trying to protect her?

"Rosie, we have to talk with Jasper, NOW" I said out loud.

Bella stood up and excused herself to go to the bathroom for a minute, I figured this was the perfect time for me to speak with Jasper.

The phone rang 3 times before I heard my brother's voice. "Hey Em, what's up? Where are you and Rose? I figured you would have been back by now. Since Alice is traveling with her new man and Edward isn't back from wherever the hell he is, it's just me, Esme and Carlisle. As much as I love spending time with them, dude its getting old." He just started going on and on without me being able to say anything.

"Jasper, shut up for a minute. I gotta situation I need your help with and I need you to come out to where Rosie and I are. Just start heading west and I'll call you back in a couple of hours to tell you where. I don't want anyone to know where you are going." I hung up the phone before he could even respond to my strange request. I wasn't sure if I mentioned Bella if he would come, but this way if he thought we were in a situation where we both needed him, I figured I was safe going that route. You know, sometimes people don't give me enough credit.

"Rosie, call him back in 2 hours and tell him where we are, I don't think you should tell him about Bella though. I think he will bail if we do. Jasper was pretty headstrong about her in the beginning, I know Alice had some say about it then too, but since they aren't together anymore, I don't know if he will help or not. Right now, I think we are Bella's only option to get some closure or healing or whatever the hell she needs."

Bella returned from the bathroom, walked over to the bay window and just looked out into the forest. She stayed there for the better part of an hour. Never moving. You would think she was already a vampire, I could barely see her breath. I watched her from every angle, trying to get an idea on how to help her.

"You want to watch a movie Bells? We could play video games?" shaking her head no after each question.

"Bella, you have to do something. After what you told us, you can't just sit there or stand there and not make any attempt to live again. How is that right? What would Charlie do without you? I didn't want to leave you, but would you really have killed yourself knowing I would never get a chance to hug my little sister again?" Figuring the last statement would at least guilt her into doing something. Boy was I wrong.

"Hug your sister,** HUG YOUR SISTER**?" she started screaming now. "How about I would have never known that Alice and Jasper weren't true soul mates? How about I wouldn't have known if any of you ever died? You sit here and call me your sister, but you left too. I get it, you had to follow Rosalie and she hates me, but couldn't you have found 5 minutes to email me, leave me a voicemail. 'Just letting you know I am thinking of you Bells, love ya Em'. Would that have been so fucking hard? Don't you get it, for almost a year, all of you acted like I was family, saying I was your sister or daughter and you left. You all left. So I sat for four months, 4 MISERABLE FUCKING MONTHS, wondering why _my family_ left me. Knowing damn well that the reason was I was not good enough for you all. HE apparently was the only one that said it to me." She stormed off, ran upstairs and went into a room, slamming the door. I could hear her crying from the kitchen.

"Em, let me go. You're too close to her. I am going to give her a couple of minutes and then go speak with her. It's about time she understood a little bit about me and why I treated her the way I did." Rose offered. I could barely move. I have never seen Bella act like that, yell at anyone, even when she was pissed. I was beginning to think that maybe we should just go and leave her alone, maybe there wasn't a way for Rosie and I to help. My heart, my silent heart was tearing apart at the thought of never seeing her again. I just hoped that when Jasper got here, if Jasper got here, maybe he could shed some light on this whole situation.

"Rosie, while you talk with Bella I am going to go for a quick hunt and calm down. I'll call Jasper while I am out there." she shook her head and slowly walked over to me, kissed me on the cheek and headed up stairs to Bella.

RPOV

My husband sat there in the chair and again looked like he was going to cry. This whole conversation was more intense than I thought. I can't let him get hurt, but Bella needs help too.

When Emmett said he was going to hunt, I figured this was a good time to get some more information from Bella. Maybe since we weren't close before she wouldn't have a problem being that honest with me. She won't hurt my feelings by yelling at me. But she also needed to know, she wasn't going to be able to speak with Emmett like that either.

We obviously didn't know the whole story.

Bella ended up running into Jasper's study of all places. Not really sure why she picked that place, but whatever.

"Bella, it's Rose, can I come in?" after knocking lightly on the door. I didn't try the knob to see if she locked it, I figured let's try this the polite way.

"Why not, it's your house? If I say no, it's not like anyone will listen to me anyways." OK, guess we are going the drama route.

I walked in and found Bella sitting on Jaspers brown leather recliner, curled up like a little girl. I walked over to the armoire that is in the room and found a blanket and laid it over her body. I sat down on the opposite chair looking at her.

"You guys are gonna leave now aren't you? I don't blame you, I shouldn't have yelled at Emmett. Please tell him I am really sorry and I don't hold you guys leaving against him."

"Bella, I am not your messenger. You can tell him when he gets back. He has gone to hunt. But I will make one thing clear, I am telling you now, even if you are pissed off at all of us, Emmett doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that. He has the biggest heart of all of us and he truly loves you like a sister. I didn't have a problem voting to leave the night of your birthday, Emmett did. Yet when he speaks you treat him with disdain, when I speak, you calmly speak with me. Would you mind explaining to me your logic in this?"

"It's simple to understand Rosalie, you never pretended to like me and then leave. What I see with you is what I get. I don't know why you hate me, but you do and don't act any other way. You leaving, while part of the family I loved, wasn't as heartbreaking as loosing Emmett."

"Bella, it's not that I hate you. I don't hate you. I don't know you enough to hate you. I don't like that you can stand there and yell at my husband for trying to be a brother to you, yet Edward controlled your every movement and you never stood up to him. I lived a life where my beauty got me everything I could ask for, including getting me killed. I let the man of my dreams make every decision in my life. He pulled the strings, I followed. I had no freedom to explore my own mind. When I was first changed and got past my newborn year, Carlisle would ask me questions and automatically my response was "whatever you decide is fine with me" even if it wasn't. It took me several years to grow up, so to speak, and learn to speak my mind. People may not like what comes out of my mouth, but they can't deny that I will answer them honestly."

"That's what I didn't like about you. I saw you going down the same road as me and I didn't know how to stop you from making the same mistakes I did."

I could tell that she didn't really understand some of the things that I was saying to her. "Did Edward ever tell you what happened to me? How I became immortal?" She shook her head no. "Yeah I didn't think so. I doubt I was a highly talked about topic of conversation between you two." I proceeded to tell her everything I remember about my human life, Royce, my friend Vera, the night I visited her house. When I started telling her how Royce and his friend's gang raped me, her eyes filled with tears and she automatically reached her hand across to touch mine. "Bella, I don't need or want anyone's sympathy. I appreciate the effort, but the reason I am telling you this is because I want you to understand that when you are in a relationship, it should be two sided. Royce and I never were two sided. He never asked permission for anything from me, he took what he wanted, right up until the end. Edward was the same with you." She started to interrupt but I held my hand up to continue.

"I know you didn't have sex with him, I know he didn't try to rape you, but it doesn't mean that he valued your opinion. He didn't value you your opinion any more than Royce valued mine. While I don't hate you, I do envy you. You have an opportunity to have a life that was robbed from me and I would give up just about anything to have those opportunities back. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure you and your opinion are valued. Emmett is the best thing that ever happened to me and he is also the best part of this 'life' for me. Before you give something up, make sure you know the entire cost of what you are planning on doing"

I felt my phone vibrate and looked at the text, "I spoke with Jasper, he'll be here tomorrow morning. Be home in 15 minutes. I got Bella some of those frozen meal things." I smiled. He really is such a good man.

"Bella, when Emmett comes back, I think you should speak with him. But as I said, every relationship needs to be 2 sided, you also need to listen to him. We obviously were not given the same story as you. So you getting mad at Em earlier was unfair. Jasper will be here tomorrow morning and I want to find out exactly what you are talking about with this whole 'protector' thing with him.

I didn't realize that Bella and I were talking for hours. It was almost dinner time, for human's at least, when Emmett got back from hunting. He was in slightly better spirits. Apparently found 2 bears to fight with to let some aggression out. For being as big as he is, I don't think people understand how much of a softy my husband is.

BPOV

I listened to Rose speak to me for hours telling me her past. She wasn't really as bitchy as Edward made her out to be. I guess I also understood why she didn't like me before. I knew at some point I needed to deal with and decide what I was going to do about the note I left Charlie, but I would think about that later. I was surprised that Jasper was going to come. At least I could finally thank him for trying to help me.

When Emmett came back from his hunt, I felt so guilty for the way I treated him earlier.

"Now that Emmett is back, I am going to go for a hunt. Bella, Jasper will be here first thing in the morning, so try and get some sleep tonight and when you wake up, we can talk some more. I hope you think about what I said earlier." Rose stated as she walked out the back door.

I turned to look at the huge form that is Emmett. "Emmett, I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have screamed and yelled at you like I did and I shouldn't be taking my heartbreak out on you." I could feel the tears building up in my eyes as I continued.

"Bells, we didn't know. Edward told us a completely different story. To make it worse, he told us you didn't want us to contact you. That you decided if it was going to be over between the two of you, it would be over for all of us. That's why I never contacted you. I thought I was abiding by your wishes. I don't know why he didn't tell us the truth, I guess that's another mystery we need to solve. But can you tell me, please, why try and kill yourself? You are so strong, don't you think that trying to kill yourself is a little weird?" Emmett plopped down on the love seat, pulling his hands through his hair as he spoke.

"Em, for the past four month's I have spoken maybe a couple dozen words. I can't speak with anyone about you guys. Can't tell Charlie that I would have given up my life in a year or so if Edward had decided to change me, can't tell anyone about my relationship with you guys because first of all, who would believe me, secondly I should never know about you guys. So if you were heartbroken, let's say something happened to Rosalie, and you couldn't tell **ANYONE** what you were feeling, what would you do?" I was seated indian style next to him on the love seat, facing him, hoping that he would understand what I was going through.

"In your note, you were kind to all of us except Edward. Why?"

"I wish I could explain it, when you all first left, I was brokenhearted to lose him. But after a little while, the feeling started to shift. I was more upset about losing all of you. Edward is my first love. But each of you truly became family to me, so I felt like I lost everyone all at once. I thought I hated Edward, I don't. If he changed his mind about us, then he should have gone about it another way. There was no reason for him to pull everyone away from me, and not allow me to say goodbye. I never had any closure. The only thing he did was be hurtful to me. But I wanted all of you to understand how much I loved you, and still love you all."

I felt like I would never stop crying. We just sat on the couch and looked at each other. I don't even know how long this went on, but at some point I ate one of the microwave dinners. I didn't eat much, my stomach still weary from yesterday's events. I said goodnight, went back upstairs and decided to curl up and try to sleep. I knew I would only get a few hours before the nightmares started. Somehow I found my way back into Jasper's study and sat down on the same recliner I was in when Rosalie and I chatted earlier today. The soft cream colored blanket still thrown carelessly over the side, I put the footrest up, curled up and closed my eyes.

EMPOV

After my conversation with Bella, Rosie and I spent the rest of the night relaxing and going over the past day's events. Finding Bella in the act of a trying to commit suicide was beyond shock. Rose and I couldn't understand the differences between Edward's story and hers, her feelings towards Rose and Jasper were shocking but I think the worst was just how empty she looked.

Throwing ideas around for the better part of 3 hours, we still hadn't decided to do anything other than wait for Jasper to get here. I started hearing mumblings, listening to Bella toss and turn upstairs, her heart rate staggeringly erratic. Within a second, she was screaming like someone was attacking her. Rose and I flittered upstairs, found her again in Jasper's study crying in her sleep, screaming "Don't leave", "Please don't go". Rose walked over to her small form, put her cold hand on Bellas warm face, "Bella, it's ok Em and I are here, we aren't leaving, you are safe". Bella's eyes were glassed over, tears streaming out of them, she grabbed Rosie's hand from her face and pulled it to her chest and went back to sleep.

I wasn't sure what was going on that Bella seemed so comfortable around Rose now, but as long as she was willing to talk with one of us, didn't matter who it was. We stayed in the room for the rest of the night, Bella had another round of nightmares, but refused my offer to go lay down in Rose and I's bed. As the morning light grew more steady, I knew Jasper would be arriving soon.

He didn't know why he was coming, just that Rose and I were in Forks and we needed his help. I was very vague on the phone with him, but still got him to agree to come. I didn't know how he would handle being in the same room as Bella again. After we left, Jasper was really depressed for a while about the whole situation. When we took the vote on whether or not to leave, he didn't even bother offering his opinion. Stating that whatever the family decided would be the best. If any of us brought up the subject of Bella, or the night of the party he would just leave the room, not wanting to discuss it. I figured he felt bad about what happened. To make matters worse, right before Rose and I left for our trip, Alice had the vision of her true mate. She and Jasper split up, and she left to go find him, he stayed. Depressed was one way of speaking about Jasper, downright moody was another. He was so torn up about all the changes that were occurring, but he knew that you couldn't fight the true soul mate bond; he had no choice but to accept it. When we spoke about it, he told me they knew they weren't true soul mates, but fell in love anyways.

God this family is falling apart at the seams.

I smelled Jasper approaching the house and told Rosie that I was going downstairs.

"Em, why do I smell Bella Swan here and also hear her heartbeat?" he stormed in the house, practically shouting.

"Shhhh, she's sleeping. Listen, we'll explain everything when she wakes up, but are you ok being in the house with her? Do you need to hunt?" Saying, as I walked down the stairs from the second floor where Rosie was still with Bella.

"My thirst is fine Emmett, I would like an explanation as to why you and Rose are here with Bella. We were told to leave her alone. Can't you follow simple instructions? What, did you go to her house to see her? I know you love her, but we have to respect Edward and hers decision about their relationship. You should have left her alone." He walked through the door, went over to the couch and sat down. Kicking his boots off and putting his feet up on the table.

"Jasper Whitlock, shut the fuck up about what you don't know anything about" Rose whispered from upstairs. "Bella's just waking up, once she gets ready, we'll be downstairs and I'll fill you in"

Jasper looked over at me, cocked his eyebrow and smirked, as if saying "What the fuck is going on?"

"Like Rosie said J, just let us explain. This involves you too and before we get anyone else in the family involved, you need to speak with Bella."

"Listen Em" pulling his hand through this hair, "I know I owe her an apology, but I don't understand why I am here." I watched as he sat there looking at me, his eyes grew tight, his hand-stuck in this head was now pulling his hair and he was doubled over as if someone kicked him in the gut, his pain visible to anyone.

"What the fuck is that?" he said.

"Bella." Was all I answered.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: don't own**

**And he arrives! Kinda short chapter, but will try to finish editing next one and get that up today as well. If not, definitely tomorrow. Loving the reviews, thanks again.**

Chapter 7

JPOV

I didn't know why I was running to Forks. Just that Em and Rose needed me. I was hoping it wasn't the wolves, but then again, getting some of the frustration I felt over the past couple of months out would be good. A fight would surely allow me to do that.

I arrived at the house, immediately noticing the one scent I would know anywhere, but had no right being at the house right now.

"Em, why do I smell Bella here? ….And also hear her heartbeat?" as I stormed in the house, practically shouting.

"Shhhh, she's sleeping. Listen, we'll explain everything when she wakes up, but are you ok being in the house with her? Do you need to hunt?" Emmett was walking downstairs.

"My thirst is fine Emmett, I would like an explanation as to why you and Rose are here with Bella. We were told to leave her alone. Can't you follow simple instructions? What, did you go to her house to see her? I know you love her, but we have to respect Edward and hers decision about their relationship. You should have left her alone." I walked through the door, went over to the couch and sat down. Kicking my boots off and putting my feet up on Esme's table. If she was here, she would have yelled at me for it.

"Jasper Whitlock, shut the fuck up about what you don't know anything about" Rose whispered from upstairs. "Bella's just waking up, once she gets ready, we'll be downstairs and I'll fill you in"

I looked over at Em, "What the fuck is going on?"

"Like Rosie said J, just let us explain. This involves you too and before we get anyone else in the family involved, you need to speak with Bella."

"Listen Em" as I pulled my hand through my hair, "I know I owe her an apology, but I don't understand why I am here." Before I could start the next sentence, I was hit with the hugest amount of grief and pain I have ever had, rivaling that of my time with Maria's army, when I was still hunting humans. I was doubled over, grabbing my stomach and trying to rip my hair out of my head with my other hand. I couldn't figure out where the pain was coming from unless Rose was being attacked upstairs, but I knew that wasn't possible. Looking up at Emmett, I asked "Wh..what the fuck is that?"

"Bella." Was all he answered.

I tried to get control of the pain I was feeling and finally was able to sit up, pulling my hand off my hair. "What do you mean it's Bella?" Emmett was still standing by the front door, he slowly made his way over to where I was, sat on the coffee table that was in front of the me. "Please just be patient J, I think she will only make it through the whole explanation once, but you may need to help her. She's not good J, she's not good."

I felt like I was missing some part of the picture. Why would Bella not be good, unless she was physically sick? My mind was shooting off questions left and right as I heard Bella and Rose start walking down the stairs. They were going slow, I kinda chuckled as I remembered Bella's lack of coordination. Figuring Rose was helping her so she wouldn't trip.

My laughter ended abruptly as they both turned the corner from the stairs as I looked up at the frame of Bella Swan. Her chocolate colored eyes hauntingly empty where they used to be so full of life and emotion, her shoulders slouched forward and gaunt looking. The clothes on her were Rose's, but hung from her as if they were on a hanger in the store. Her body looked pale, shallow and lifeless. I could feel all the pain and grief still coming from her, but when she looked up into my eyes, a very small smile crossed her lips.

"Jasper" was but a whisper out of her mouth.

Rose guided her to the other end of the couch that I was sitting on and sat down next to her. Bella automatically leaned into Rose's side, eyes still staring at me. "Emmett, what the fuck is going on? Is she sick? If she's dying, we should call Carlisle?" I whispered to both of them, too low for Bella to hear.

"Jasper, it's ok to ask me anything you want to know. You don't have to whisper" she said. Her eyes still haven't left mine.

"Bella, how did you hear that?" I asked. Seriously, someone needed to tell me what the fuck was going on. How could she have heard me?

Almost as if Bella developed Edward's mind reading talent, she looked at me, smiled again and said, "I saw your lips move, that's how I know you said something." Oh shit, for as much experience as I have being a vampire, this young little waif of a girl just schooled me.

I smiled softly back at her and finally said hello.

Looking up at Emmett I started asking several of the hundred questions that were now going through my mind.

"What's going on? Why am I here? Why does Bella look like shit?" turning to her I said, "Sorry Bella, but you really don't look well." Looking back to Emmett I continued," You were supposed to go into the safe, get some papers and leave, how did this happen and what exactly happened?"

Still with her arm around Bella, Rose looked over at me "Jasper shut up and we will explain."

I sat there listening to the story that they told me for the better part of the next few hours. Bella never moved from Rose's side, tears streaming down her face, her eyes never left mine. "Show me the letter" Emmett handed me Bella's letter and as I got to the part about me I shivered. How the fuck does a vampire shiver?

"Bella, why did you call me your protector?"

"Because that's what you are Jasper, my protector. The baseball field, Phoenix, James, the night of my birthday. All those times you were protecting me."

"Bella, I know I owe you an apology for the night of your birthday and I'll get to that in a minute, but I think you are remembering that night wrong. Bella, I lunged for you that night when you started bleeding. The smell of your blood just drove me crazy. I really am sorry. I hunted the day before and figured I would be fine. I should have gone hunting again that day. I thought I was used to your scent enough that my strength had improved. But why are you saying I am a protector?" My head was hanging down, face planted on both my palms as I finished my apology.

Bella slowly started to stand up, came over to where I was seated, she tried pulling on my hand. Like she can move marble! When she started pulling my hair, trying to lift my head, I finally conceded and looked at the young girl sitting in front of me.

"Jasper, I remember the night perfectly. Even after everything that happened, even after trying to forget, I remember it all. I cut myself, Edward's eyes turned pitch black, he inhaled, pushed me onto the plates and then you came towards me. Your eyes weren't even half as dark as his. I still saw gold in them. You weren't thirsty. He was." She said.

Emmett, Rose and I looked at each other. I didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. I started shaking my head and just looked down at the floor. After so many years of being together and acting like twins, Rose and I had a special relationship, she knew me almost as good as Alice does, she simply stated. "You knew Jasper, didn't you? You knew it wasn't your fault. Why didn't you say anything?"

I kept my eyes on Bella the whole time, but nodded in answering Rose's question. I couldn't lie to her and I wouldn't lie about the night anymore. Bella smiled softly at me, "Thank you Jasper. Thank you for trying to protect me and keep me safe" She got up and grabbed my hands. When I realized that she was trying to get me to stand, I complied. Once I got up, she put her arms around my neck and hugged me. I wasn't really expecting it; I still wasn't comfortable being around human's a lot. I stopped breathing just to be sure nothing would happen.

As before, Bella seemed to know what I was doing, "You can breathe Jasper, I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."

Rose and Emmett were staring at each other. I inhaled slowly, realizing that Bella's scent didn't trigger my bloodlust. Much.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 8

JPOV

"OK, so I guess you guys want to know what I know? Ever since Edward met Bella, I have felt a strong desire to protect her. Something told me I couldn't let Edward know about it. Rose, you and Emmett know how he is when he gets his mind set on something. He becomes borderline obsessed about controlling the situation. So I would make sure I thought about her and what it meant only if I knew he wasn't around. Like at night, when he was in Bella's room."

"Bella, I need you to understand something about vampires. We are extremely possessive creatures. When we find something we want, we don't _share _well. Our hunts or kills, our 'mates'; although I always hated that word. I know we act like animals, but at one point we were human. But now I am getting off the subject…." I stood from the couch and began pacing the room trying to figure out what it meant. After all the time that Bella was in the family's lives, I still hadn't figured out what it meant. Why I had such a strong desire to protect her?

"J, I get it, I wanted to protect her too. She's like my sister. I never wanted to see anything bad happen to her. But what does this have to do with her birthday party? Why did you allow Edward to let everyone believe that it was your fault that her accident happened?" Emmett was standing over by the fireplace, running his hand through his hair looking perplexed. If it was any other topic of conversation that was going on, I probably would have laughed at his confusion.

"From the moment she entered our lives, Edward was enthralled with her. Her scent, her mind. Everything about her captured his attention. Whenever we were all in the same room, I could feel his possessiveness towards Bella. It wasn't healthy. There was love there, but the possessiveness overrode the love most often. Bella, sorry to sound so cold speaking about your relationship like this. As for why he blamed me, why not? I haven't had as much success and control being a vegetarian as the rest of you. I became the scapegoat. I just never corrected anyone about it. I didn't know what he would do if I pointed out it was him that was the danger to Bella. I wasn't sure if he would go after her or not." I looked over at the girl still curled into Rose's side. She had stopped crying for now, but her bloodshot eyes and the circles beneath them led me to believe that they crying had been going on since we all had left. She nodded, I would imagine trying to understand why I wanted to protect her.

"Anyways, after the baseball field with the three nomads and traveling to Phoenix, I spoke with Edward. I suggested that we go after Victoria. I told him that I believed we should kill her, I had felt some strange emotions coming from her that day in the field. He completely dismissed me. Said he read both their minds and there was nothing indicating a reason that she would come after us or Bella. Remember over the summer when I left to go visit Peter and Charlotte?" The three of them nodded, following my footsteps back and forth as I was still pacing the room, trying to get all the information out there for Bella to understand.

"Well I told Peter what happened and he and I spent a week hunting Victoria. We found her just outside Seattle. She had about 5 newborns with her. When she saw it was me attacking her, she flew in a rage. She started screaming that she would find and kill the little human that destroyed her James. Rose, they were together. She was coming after Bella. Peter and I killed her and the newborns that day. I don't think Laurent will come after Bella. From what Carlisle told me, he is quite taken with Irina and doing well with our lifestyle."

"You did it again." Bella said.

"What did I do again Bella?" I walked over to where her and Rose were sitting on the couch and looked at her. Her milk chocolate eyes staring at me, filling again with tears. She reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled it to her chest.

"You protected me again. First with taking the blame for what happened at my party and then with Victoria."

"J, listen. Sounds like you are playing superhero. But why didn't you tell us what you found in Seattle?" Emmett walked around to the back of the couch, put his hands on each of the girls shoulders. I didn't think I was trying to play superhero. I just knew that on some level, Bella needed me to watch out for her. I knew it wasn't romantic. I was with Alice at the time and we were happy. It was just on an instinctual level that I needed to watch out for her.

My eyes were transfixed on Bella's. I couldn't look away if I wanted to. I sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch, Bella still holding my hand. "I don't know. I knew Edward and Carlisle were not thrilled with the amount of violence that Peter and I grew up with, or if they knew that we attacked Victoria without cause, but there was something in me that I needed to do this. Peter is always up for a good fight and when I came back, I figured since it was all taken care of, there was no need to mention it to anyone."

Over the past several months, I thought about why I needed to protect this young girl so much. I never came up with a reason. Never thought about what it meant to have such a strong desire. I would always protect Alice if we were traveling and came across a nomad or two. There weren't many times that even happened. When you are with a seer, not too many surprises happen. But even the couple of times that it did happen, Alice was more than capable of handling herself.

"Maybe because I know Bella is still human. She isn't capable of going up against our kind in a fair fight. That's the only thing I can come up with."

Bella's stomach started rumbling. She finally let go of my hand, got up and walked over to the kitchen. From the sounds of it, I think she was making herself something to eat. "Rose, have you spoken with Carlisle or Alice about this?"

She shook her head. "Jasper, something doesn't sit right with me about the whole situation. Edward lied to us about his break up with Bella, her note and attempted suicide and now what you are telling us. Something is going on and while I don't think Carlisle or Alice is involved in it, I don't want to bring them into the situation right now. Bella trying to kill herself is quite extreme. She blew up at Emmett yesterday, yelling at him when he said he started talking about hugging his sister. I don't know what would happen if she saw the rest of the family right now. I never saw her yell like that. But she will sit and speak with me like we have always been best friends. The whole situation seems a little backwards if you ask me."

Emmett walked into the kitchen and I heard him asking Bella to come back into the living room when she was done. The look that existed on his face as Rose continued to tell me what happened once Bella regained consciousness yesterday told me he was more than heartbroken that the young girl he grew to love as his true sister could yell at him.

"After I came back from my hunt, we spoke a little bit about what had happened. She asked me to imagine that something had happened to Rose and I could never tell another person about it. I couldn't imagine first of all something happening to Rosie, but even worse, living with the knowledge that I couldn't share any of it with anyone. And that's how we left her." Emmett plopped down on the couch next to Rosalie, arm slung over her shoulder and kissed her on the forehead.

"She's been pretty open to speaking about it, probably glad to get it off her chest. Maybe that's what she needed. Just come closure." Rose looked at me. "What are you feeling from her right now Jasper?"

"Pain, guilt, loss…..relief?" Why would she feel relief? Bella walked back into the room as I was answering Rose's question.

"Bella, why are you feeling relieved? I get the pain and loss, but I don't understand relief and the guilt. What do you have to feel guilty about?" This girl's emotions were all over the place. Most human's often feel dual emotions at a time. Pain and loss, happiness and love. It's common. But she feels such contradictory emotions, it's giving me a migraine.

"Relief? I guess I am relieved to realize that I didn't imagine you. There must be some shred of sanity left in me. I told Emmett that I was bound to Forks. That I couldn't leave because then it would seem like you all were not real." Curling up into the other end of the sofa, she pulled a pillow tightly to her chest and just looked out the window behind where I was standing.

"Guilt. For trying to kill myself. For what I would have done to Charlie if it had worked, much less knowing that no one would have found me in your garage. Doesn't take much for me to feel guilty Jasper. Most of the problems in my life are of my own cause."

"How?"

"I fell in love with a vampire. I fell in love with his family. I bled in a room full of vampires, causing said vampires to need to leave me. I tried to end my suffering by taking a selfish way out instead of dealing with the problem. But when there is no way for me to deal with the problem, I guess I can kinda understand that one. Like I told Emmett, who would believe me if I told them any of this." Her voice was getting louder. She had taken over my habit of pacing the room back and forth. Her anger was starting to boil over. I thought about sending her some serenity but decided against manipulating her.

"You know what pisses me off Jasper. Rose told me you all voted on whether or not to leave. She also told me she didn't like Edward's treatment of me, telling me what to do, where I should go to college next year, all of it. Didn't any of you realize that by taking a vote on how to _**handle**_ me after the birthday party, you all did the exact same thing? Rose, you told me you wanted me to have the choices you didn't have, but when you all took the vote, you all took my choice away. When you all decided to leave, you did the exact same thing that Edward did/does. " Glad I didn't send her any calming emotions. Apparently deciding things for Bella without speaking with her is bad. Very bad.

"So yeah I feel guilty. Guilty because I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself to Edward, wasn't strong enough to not fall in love with all of you and want to be a part of this family. But when you think you are part of a family, I guess I would have thought that the family wouldn't make a major decision like **LEAVING ONE OF THEM**, without at least letting the one being left an option or opinion in the decision." Yelling at no one and everyone in the room. Looking all three of us in the eyes, she had tears welling up ready to spill out any second. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down, turned around and faced the large picture window she was staring out.

"I'm gonna get going. Since we are on winter break, at least I don't have to think about school for a while. I really appreciate you guys saving my life. Again." She started to stand up from the couch, looking around the room for something.

"Rose, where are my keys and my clothes?"

"Bella, why are you leaving?" ignoring the question asked of her, to answer with a question of her own.

"Because, there is no reason to stay. I need to get my head out of my ass and start moving on. I know more than I did 48 hours ago and while I don't understand everything that happened, I guess that what I do understand I can accept."

"Now will you tell me where my things are?" She asked again.

"Bella, you can't leave." Emmett jumped up and ran over to her, taking her into one of his famous bear hugs that he always gave her. "I'll miss you too much. Why can't you stay here for just a couple of days? You already said school is on break; Charlie is still up in Seattle. Can't we catch up a little bit? I really don't want to leave you again." He looked at her with his honey eyes, full of hope. The big giant really wanted this girl in his life and was willing to do just about anything to get her to stay.

"Anyways Bella, when Emmett and I found you he ripped the door off your truck. So even if I gave you your keys, it would be a very interesting way to drive home. I wonder how you would explain that to Charlie when he does get home." Rose looked at her sarcastically. Bella was scowling at the idea of trying to explain about the truck. I realized that Rose had shifted on her previous feelings of Bella from indifference to weak sisterly love. It wasn't as strong as how she felt about Alice, but I could see it getting there, with time. "It'll take me a couple of days to get the door back on, welded and re-aligned."

"Fine, then I am going to lie down." She turned to look at us once more before walking up the stairs. All I could feel coming from her was resignation. "Jasper, thank you for taking care of Victoria. Thank your friend Peter too." I heard her go down the hall of the second floor to the end and shut the door. It sounded like she headed right into my study.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: don't own**

**Yes this is slow moving. Bella needs time to recover and there are things that need to be said. Hopefully you will all bear with me while I get us there.**

Chapter 9

JPOV

While Bella was upstairs, Rose, Emmett and I sat in the living room discussing what had come out in the open. Rose was not pleased that I was made out to be the bad guy. After playing twins for so long, we had developed a true bond of sibling affection and often had each other's back during family discussions. Emmett was just glad to have another night and hopefully day to spend with Bella.

I was concerned. With the amount of possessiveness that I felt from Edward previously, I wasn't sure if Bella being with us was a good idea. Even if all three of us were able to keep Edward out of our head, there was always a possibility of a slip and then Edward would know that we had seen her. I was worried that if that happened, he would go after Bella. There was nothing or no one holding him back from draining her now.

I had often felt mixed emotions before from him. I couldn't tell if there were any true emotions in Edward towards Bella or if it was a control issue entirely for him.

Then there was my feelings. I remember the first time meeting Bella, when Edward brought her over to the house. The way she was trying to be so brave in a house full of creatures that were designed to end her life. I was astonished. I had met people before that knew what we were, but their life usually ended with sustaining another vampire's life. People don't normally survive the amount of time that Bella has in the supernatural world.

Anytime she would come over to the house, her emotions were so pure, it was a refreshing change for me to be in the presence of someone that had so many positive feelings. While Rose has accepted her immortal life, she and Edward were often the hardest to be around. They carried a lot of negative feelings and it often was a hard cross to carry being able to feel those feelings on a constant basis. That might be why I fell in love with Alice so easily. For an empath, she was like a god damn wet dream. Happy, bubbly, positive, reassuring… It was easy to be around her. I couldn't believe she got even happier when Bella appeared in our life.

I didn't realize that Emmett was trying to have a conversation with me while I was sitting here pondering things over. "Dude, are you even fucking listening to me?" feeling a kick to my shin.

"What do you want Emmett? I was thinking about everything. And don't kick me anymore, you kick like a mule."

"Well, the mule was trying to ask you how you have been since Alice left. We haven't really had a chance to speak about it, since we are together and not really going anywhere tonight, I wanted to know what was going on with you."

"Nothing, Alice told me she had a vision of this guy and she saw how happy he made her and she believed that she was meant to be with him forever and she was going to find him. End of story."

"Not end of story Jasper, you were with Alice for a long time. Didn't you think it was a little odd that she didn't explain any further?" Rose interjected.

"Rose, when Alice and I got together, she told me we would only be together for a short time. That, at some point, one or both of us would find another that is better suited for us. She couldn't tell who would find them first. I guess she did. Really I am fine with it. It came as a shock since we had just dealt with the whole Edward/Bella drama. So the timing was a little off. But, I am ok with it. Alice helped me find myself again and I will always be grateful towards her for that. I would never hold her back if there was someone that was better suited for her."

"Yeah, but my question is, are you going to stay with us? Really I don't want to be stuck with Edward and some new guy to go hunting with. Carlisle never wants to hang. He's too serious. You can't leave me with just them. That'll be no fun." Leave it to Emmett to worry about who he will play with.

"For now I am going to stay. I don't want to go back to being a nomad. But who knows what will happen in the future."

I could feel Bella's emotions from above. She was definitely sleeping. From the way she looked, it was a good thing. Her heartbeat had slowed and I could sense a feeling of calmness coming from her.

"You know Rose, I never thought about us taking Bella's choice away like she said." Emmett threw out in the conversation. "I guess she was kinda right. I mean all summer we kept telling her she was part of the family, threw her a birthday party and then when the shit hit the fan, we decide what we think is best for her. Rose, I think we were wrong to leave Bella, but the more I think about it, it was worse to take her right to make decisions away from her. You had a problem with Edward doing that, we did the same thing."

Rose was nodding her head, finally realizing that maybe we didn't think the whole "leave Bella in the middle of the night because Edward says so" situation was handled in the best way. The night of the vote I didn't even offer my opinion. Because Edward would read that I had the feeling of protection towards Bella in me, I couldn't afford to give my honest opinion so instead I just concentrated on translating the anthem of Texas into Dutch. I didn't want to leave, but I knew we couldn't stay. Edward's possessiveness would have gone off the charts after having another exposure incident with Bella's blood. So I said nothing that night. Since then, I thought about Bella and had wanted to find a way to see if she was ok, but was reluctant to do so if in fact Bella had not wanted any of us to be around her like he said she had.

"J?"

"**J?**"

"**JASPER!**" another kick hit my shin.

"What the fuck Emmett! Didn't I just tell you not to kick me? What do you want?"

"God, you are like a fucking whiny girl off in Neverland. Quit daydreaming. I said, did you tell Alice about the feeling of protectiveness towards Bella?"

"We talked about it once after killing James. I just told her that I would make sure that Bella was ok as long as I needed to. She just smiled and said thank you and that it was exactly what I should be doing"

I heard Bella's heartbeat starting to increase. Figuring she was getting ready to wake up. Rose had told me about the nightmare last night, so I knew it could go either way. It was still the middle of the night, not that Bella looked like she was following a traditional sleep pattern lately.

"Don't go" I heard her murmur. I sped up to the second floor. Bella had indeed gone into my study and was curled up on my recliner. "Don't go" she cried again. "You were supposed to stay with me" I sent her some peaceful feelings and watched as she cuddled back into a dreamless sleep. Rose had followed me upstairs and was standing behind me at the threshold of the door. "I never knew someone could be as broken as she is Jasper."

"Rose, for all the times that I was around Bella; there was never a negative emotion about her. She felt truly happy and loved being around us. So instead of just losing her boyfriend, she lost everything. You and I don't remember a lot of our human life, but we lost everything as well. Imagine living through that with all your memories. Knowing you would never get it back."

I stayed for a little while longer at the threshold, to make sure that Bella slept longer before heading back downstairs to speak with Emmett.

Emmett and I played some video games for a bit. Rose just relaxed on the couch and read a couple of magazines. Overall it was really nice being back with them. Even if the circumstances weren't pleasant, I was thankful that I didn't leave when Alice and I broke up.

"JASPER, don't! You'll get hurt. Don't go, you'll get hurt." Bella screamed about 2 hours later.

All three of us flew upstairs and into the study. Bella was drenched in sweat, tossing on the recliner and looked like she was convulsing she was shaking so hard. Rose reached out to her, trying to wake her up.

"Bella, wake up, it's Rose. You are ok, it was just a dream."

Her eyes jerked open as she sat straight up in the recliner, looking around the room trying to figure something out. When her eyes landed on me she smiled softly. Bella slowly started crying. "Bella, what was your dream about?" I asked her.

"You were going after someone that wanted to hurt me and I kept having the feeling that this time you were going to get killed. I didn't want you to sacrifice yourself for me so I was trying to stop you from going." She stuttered out.

She curled back up in the recliner and just stared at the shelves of books in there. I silently asked Rose and Emmett to give us a few minutes to talk. They told Bella they would be downstairs if she needed anything.

"Bella, would you like me to help you sleep?" She shook her head no. "I don't want that dream again."

"Bella, I can keep the dreams away if you would like. I can basically fill you up with some peaceful thoughts and you'll be able to catch up on some sleep."

"Thank you, but no Jasper. I don't want to sleep anymore. I have been surviving on less than 4 hours lately, so I should be good. If I get tired later, I'll take a nap."

The sun was slowly rising in the front of the house. I could see the light starting to change within the house. "Would you like to get a book and read instead? I know you like the classics. I do have some in here. Not many, I am more into historical, but there are some."

She nodded her head and got up to go look at my bookcase. I have duplicates of many at most of the houses that we have, so when we left back in September, I didn't bother to pack them up. There should be a good variety for her to choose from.

"Jasper, what happened with you and Alice?" she asked, grabbing a book and settling back in the recliner. Staring at me with a look of expectation and sorrow. She knew how long Alice and I were together and I imagined she was shocked, I simply retold what I had just told Emmett and Rose.

"But I thought that once a vampire met his mate, they would never part. Are you telling me that Rose and Emmett could someday get separated? Carlisle and Esme? Was I really ready to give my life up for Edward only to now realize that it might not have been forever?" Her heart was racing at the new information and she was starting to get worked up a bit.

"Bella, calm down. Let me explain. There are those vampires that believe in true mates. See, we are very much like animals in the sense that we are often ruled by our instincts. In the animal kingdom, animals often mate for life. Never "breaking up" with their partner. There are also vampires that are together like companions, spending time together and then parting ways. It is widely believed that finding your true mate or soul mate is a somewhat rare thing in the vampire world, since we are basically solitary creatures."

As her heartrate started to slowly return to its normal pattern, she interrupted me "But you said downstairs you hated the word mate. Why?"

"Because I lived the lifestyle of an animal for a very long time. I am trying to live a different life now and don't want any more reminders than I already have."

"But you do believe in soul mates don't you?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Because Bella, my experience has taught me otherwise. To answer your previous question though, I don't believe Rose and Emmett would every leave each other. For as opposite as they are, they are perfect for each other, same with Carlisle and Esme."

"Damn right!" Emmett screamed from downstairs.

Bella giggled a little bit, and then took a breath. She was feeling very nervous and biting her lip.

"Bella, you can ask me anything you want. I will always be honest with you." A sour look came across her face and there was a brief bout of longing coming from her. "What are you longing for?"

"Alice said the same thing to me in Phoenix. She would always be honest with me. I just miss her. She really was my best friend, "a singular tear slid down her cheek. "I was going to ask you about your experience. You said your experience taught you otherwise, how so?"

"Bella, I will tell you my story at some point, but for now, let's leave it as I believe some people will get their 'happy ever after' because overall they are good people and have been good people their whole life. I am not one of those people."

"Now, why don't we read for a little while" effectively ending the conversation before I could scare the hell out of the girl that thought of me as her protector. If she knew what I was capable of, she would probably run for the hills.

"You are too hard on yourself Jasper." Rose whispered upstairs. "You deserve a 'happy ever after' too, you'll find it too. You are a good person. I've seen it time and time again."

I smiled softly listening to her. For the bitch that she portrayed, she has the biggest heart of anyone I know. As Bella's letter said, fiercely loyal. That is Rose for you.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: don't own**

**Bella's been a little quiet lately, how about we see into her head for a bit.**

Chapter 10

BPOV

Over the past 72 hours since I made the decision to end my life, I would say things are a bit different. I was thrilled to see Emmett. I missed him so much. Surprise stayed with me as I felt a close bond to Rosalie now. How Edward described her as a self-centered bitch is beyond me. As I told her, with Rosalie, what you see if what you get. More people should be like her. There would be a lot less confusion in the world if people just said what they meant.

Seeing Jasper was a conundrum of feelings. I was grateful to be able to properly thank him for being so protective of me. I was sad to hear all the negativity coming from him about how he didn't deserve a soul mate. I used to think that Jasper didn't like being around people because he was an empath. Maybe some people's feelings were too much for him to handle. I now think that maybe Jasper just likes to be around select people. I heard him, Rosalie and Emmett downstairs whispering before I fell asleep earlier and he didn't sound like he was trying to have a conversation. Just that he wanted some peace.

I was sure that whatever he felt coming off of me was like being on a roller-coaster. I would have to try to control my feelings a little bit. I would hate to make him uncomfortable in his own home.

I knew I had to tread lightly regarding my expectations. I couldn't expect any of them to stay with me. I knew they would all leave again eventually. I had to learn to be strong before I could let myself get hurt again.

Rosalie was correct when she said that Edward was too controlling of me. Even in the short amount of time since she said that I have thought of at least half of dozen times that he took the decision right out of my hands. As I remember watching Rosalie and Emmett or Carlisle and Esme, I realized that my relationship with Edward was very different. The other couples discussed things, were partners towards a better life, built each other up without one being made to feel unworthy. That was NOT my relationship. Even after hearing about Jasper and Alice not being together anymore, he still wanted her to be happy. Definitely not what Edward considered for me.

I didn't agree with Jasper though. I thought he did have a soul mate out there. One that would appreciate his quiet nature and thoughtful expressions. I don't know if it had to do with him being an empath or if this is something he carried over from his human years, he was just very comforting to be around. There was no drama that went along with him. It felt like he was comfortable in his own skin. At least that was what I thought til he talked about his experiences.

I was hopeful that I would hear his story before they all decided to leave again.

I pretended to read for a little while and found my eyes getting very droopy. I shot a look at Jasper who had a little smirk on his face.

"Stop" before I could fall into a slumber.

As the drowsiness faded, I shot Jasper a sneer and chuckled. "Please don't do that"

"Sorry Bella, you just look like you could use a little more sleep. Even I know humans require more than the 4 hours you are telling me you are getting."

"Jasper, I have to learn to do it by myself. I have made many mistakes recently, but I have learned that I have to stand on my own two feet and be able to do things the right way. And that includes sleeping without influence of a certain empathic vampire. You won't be with me forever and I need to start doing things by myself"

I saw a flicker of something that looked like sadness across Jaspers face as I spoke. But it was gone so fast I wasn't sure so I let it drop.

"Yeah you're right. Good for you Bella, you seem to have a little desire to survive now. Different than what I heard last night and read in your letter."

"I don't know if I would believe that right now, but I think I am heading in the right direction. Rosalie helped me see a lot over the past couple of days. Edward made her out to be a royal bitch and a half. She isn't. I understand her a little more now. Too bad we couldn't have made this progress before. I would have liked to have her in my life."

Jasper looked off in the distance like he was trying to listen to something. Smiling back at me, "Rose said she likes you too. Now." His smile was so soft and genuine.

Jasper and I spent most of the day in his study reading. Occasionally we would stop and have a conversation about this or that. Nothing too heavy. I think we both needed a break from the recent events.

When I asked where Rosalie and Emmett were, Jasper had told me that they were working on fixing my truck. I took a few minutes to call Charlie. I hadn't called him yet and wanted to find out when he would be returning from Seattle. He informed me that he wouldn't be back until late Thursday and kept asking me if I would be ok. When I finally assured him that I was fine, there was a sigh of relief in his voice. I don't know if he really believed me or was just hoping for any difference in my behavior from the past four months.

Jasper sat quietly while I was on the phone with Charlie. His study was so relaxing, I was surprised he didn't spend all of his time here. I didn't know why in the beginning that I ran into this room. I just wanted somewhere that I hadn't been in the house. Other than Rosalie and Emmett's room, which I never would have dared to go into, it was either Jasper's study or the basement. Didn't really want the basement, Jasper's study was the final decision.

"I'm going to leave you for a little while Bella, I want to go hunting for a bit. Do you want me to ask Rosalie or Emmett to come back in from the garage?" my heart stuttered for a second in the beginning on his statement. If I hadn't seen the genuine look in his eyes, I would have thought I was going to return to the abyss that was my previous mindset.

I took a deep breath, trying to remember the Yoga breathing that Renee and I had learned 2 years ago when she decided to try it. Deeply breathing in and slowly exhaling I said, "No I am fine Jasper. If I get bored, I can go see them or read again. I may take a little nap or take a shower. "

Jasper shot downstairs, I could hear him telling Emmett and Rose that he was leaving. I curled up on his recliner, the blanket Rosalie gave me still hung over my shoulders. While the heat in the house worked fine, I had a repeated chill recently. I realized it was probably due to my weight loss, another thing I would have to work on.

I started making plans for my life while Jasper was hunting. I sat in the recliner and thought about all the time that I spent sitting in my room hoping that Edward and the family would return. I thought about what I put Charlie through and started crying again. I really did a number on my father and myself. I resolved to myself that I would start over now and really live.

Live the life that I WANT to live. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to experience certain things in my life. I guess that is what Edward and Rosalie had wanted for me too. The only difference is, now I would be doing it for myself and not because someone else is forcing me to.

I was going to learn to stand on my own two feet.

JPOV

I didn't really need to hunt, but figured if I was going to be around Bella for the next couple of days, I might as well be sure to be full. Plus there were a couple of things I needed to take care of that I didn't want Rose or Emmett to hear.

I looked at my phone, dreading the call I was about to make because I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer I was looking for.

It went to voicemail immediately and I rolled my eyes.

"Alice, just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean that you can ignore my phone calls. Call me back when you can, I need to speak with you and I am guessing you know what it is about."

Something in me told me she knew more about the situation with Bella than we did. Our conversations about Bella in the beginning were tense to say the least. The day Edward saved her from the van incident, I wanted to kill her. Yep I said it. I was willing to kill the girl that I just told everyone I wanted to protect. But I didn't know her then. Alice told me that she was going to love Bella and they were going to be best friends. How could I have denied her anything? So I didn't kill her.

After that, our conversations were slightly more cryptic. If Edward was in the vicinity, it was our unspoken rule to never discuss Bella or think about her. If we did think about her, it was always clouded by other things. I never understood it, but Alice said that this was something we needed to do. I learned quickly to never bet against the life size Tinkerbell.

If Edward wasn't around, there were short conversations about her needing to be in our family. Alice believed 100% that she belonged with us. Even after the birthday party incident, she still held fast that Bella was going to become immortal.

I pounded the nearest tree with my fist in frustration, watching it tumble into the forest, animals scurrying away from both me and the falling pine.

I felt my phone vibrate and smiled, 'finally she is calling back'. I answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Well it's about time you call me back Alice, tell me what you know?"

"Well I know my name isn't Alice you ass, don't you look at caller ID before you answer a phone?" the only other voice that I trusted answered me.

Peter.

After being together in Maria's army, Peter and I had a true friendship. Our lives had become intertwined and even though we didn't see each other often, the bond of our friendship never faltered. The problem was, he was a know-it-all. Really, a know-it-all. He refused to think of this as a gift, because what information he did have was never the full story. I once called it woman's intuition, but after he fought with me for two days trying to decapitate me, I now just called him a know-it-all. Apparently, Peter would get 'feelings' about situations, vaguer than Alice with her visions, but while Alice's gift relied on decisions, decisions didn't seem to make a difference with Peter's. Seemed like whatever Peter had 'learned' was set in stone.

Like living in a freaking carnival show, this is my life. The seer, the mind reader, the know-it-all and the empath. Throw in Emmett and we even have 'the strong man'.

"Hello Peter. I am assuming since you are calling, you know something?"

"Hey fucker, how the hell are you? Can't I just call to see what my favorite Major is up to these days without having an ulterior motive?"

"No"

"Well, I guess since you don't want to catch up, I'll just say goodbye then. Hey it was good seeing you this summer. Tell Bella I said hi and I'm glad her parents taught her manners to thank us for killing the red headed bitch that was trying to kill her. Talk to you later." And then he hung up.

The fucker hung up on me.

The **FUCKER** hung up on me.

Calling him back, I had to make sure to moderate my strength with the cell phone. His cryptic shit got old so fast that I usually ended up tearing stuff up anytime I spoke with him.

"Hey major, how's it hanging? Long time no talk. What's going on?" in his usual sing songy sarcastic tone. I often wondered how Charlotte put up with him for so long.

"Tell me what you know Peter." I could feel myself struggling to keep the beast inside me in control and not start barking orders at him like I had all those years ago.

"Well since you asked so nicely. I just wanted to tell you that you need to let her go."

Confusion crossed my face as I put one hand on the tree next to me, leaning my head against the bark and kicking the trunk with my hiking boots as softly as I could. I thought he was calling with information about Bella. Here he wants to talk about Alice.

"Peter, I already let Alice go."

"Major, I am not talking about Tinkerbell. I am talking about Bella. I know you want to protect her, but you need to let her go."

Fucking son a bitch. I was already making plans to try and stay and help Bella through her recovery from Edward. Now this asshole is telling me I need to let her go.

"Peter, I have never seen a human go through something like this. I told you this summer that she is always full of positive emotions. Well that went right out the window when we all left. Rose and Em found her in the garage trying to kill herself. She tried to kill herself Peter. The pain I feel from her is outstanding and entirely consuming. I don't even know how she is functioning right now."

"But you have to let her go. Trust me. When she tells you her plans, you have to encourage her and then let her go. Come see Charlotte and I for a while. Bring the other two veg heads with you if you want. But you can't hold her hand. Listen, Char and I need to go hunt, come to the place in Colorado when you are done. We'll meet you there this weekend. Bye." He hung the phone up again.

I stood in the forest for what seemed like hours trying to sort everything out. I knew I had this feeling to protect her, but I couldn't understand why Peter told me I needed to let her go. Anyways, how am I supposed to protect her if I let her go? No, Peter got it wrong on this one. I'll tell Bella that I'll stay in Forks as long as she needs me and then we will go from there.

Yep, that's what I'll do.

My phone vibrated again. Rolling my eyes, I knew who it was automatically.

"Don't you fucking listen Major? I said, you have to let her go. You can't just hang around while she does what she needs to do."

"What do you mean, does what she needs to do? Peter, what she needs to do is get help getting over Edward, and I can help her with that."

"No you can't. She needs to do this on her own. Now, I ain't telling you again. You have to let her go."

"Fine."

Fucker. I hated him sometimes.

I ended up finding some elk on the way back to the house and decided to get a snack. I never heard back from Alice.

Arriving back to the house, I heard Emmett and Bella in the living room laughing and yelling at each other. From the sound of it, I would say they were playing some video games. When I walked in the back door I saw that Bella had showered and changed. Rose must have given her some more clothes. They still hung off her but I would imagine that she felt better all cleaned up.

"Hey Jasper, how was your hunt?" as she glanced at me over her shoulder. Not really waiting for an answer, she looked back to the TV only to realize that Emmett had killed her guy and the game was over. She put the controller down, walked past me into the kitchen. Bella's scent flooded my senses as she walked past me. I am glad that I caught that elk on my way back, while it didn't trigger an attack of blood lust, it definitely caught my attention.

The day past rather quickly, Bella hanging with Emmett and I while Rose finished her truck repairs. When Rose had finished, showered and joined us in the living room, sitting on Emmett's lap, Bella all of a sudden started to feel rather nervous. She was sitting on the other end of the couch from me, fidgeting her hands in her lap. I sent her some calmness and was immediately shot a death glare from her. Pulling it back, I apologized.

"Bella, I am just trying to help"

"I know Jasper, but as I told you, I need to learn to do things by myself, for myself." she started pulling her fingers through her hair, again flooding the room with her delicious scent. I knew she had smelt like freesia, but I was also getting some lilac and azaleas mixed in there. She smelled like spring, like a new beginning. "While Jasper was hunting, I thought a lot about what we have talked about the past couple of days. I wanted to thank all three of you for helping me so much and saving my life. I really appreciate it, more than I can express properly."

"Glad you are feeling better Bells, you know I love you. We don't want to see anything bad happen to you." Emmett leaned forward past Rose to tell her.

"That's the thing Emmett, I realized that if I am going to try and live life, bad things are going to happen. I just need to learn to deal with them better. I've made a couple of decisions that I wanted to share with you all. First, I am going to try and get over loosing all of you. While it wasn't my decision for you to leave, I realize that I need to accept it and move on." Emmett started to interrupt her, but she held her hand up to him to wait a minute. "Rose, I want to thank you very much. Your advice made me understand something. While I loved Edward with my whole heart, it wasn't a healthy relationship. I know you didn't want me as a sister in this family for your own reasons, but after spending some time with you over the past couple of days, I wanted to let you know that I do consider you a sister. Your honesty is one of the many things that I cherish about you."

Rose looked like she would cry, her venom tears filling up in her eyes. Touched by the words that were being said to her. She curled back up in Emmett's lap and put her head on his shoulder. He gave her a 'not so subtle' squeeze.

"Emmett, I want to apologize again for yelling at you. You deserve so much more as a big brother. And I do consider you my brother. Take care of Rose like I know she takes care of you. I really do love you." Emmett gave her a nod and huge smile.

"Jasper…My protector. I can't believe I got it right with that one. You know Edward always said I was observant, but at one point, I thought I had it wrong. I knew I didn't, but I didn't want to believe that Edward was really trying to drain me. I can't thank you enough for all the times that you helped me. I know from our conversation earlier that you don't believe you deserve a soul mate because of something in your past, I want to tell you that you are wrong. Whatever happened back then was before you made the decision to change. You changed and when people change for the better, wonderful things happen. I sincerely hope that you find happiness again. Somewhere out there is one lucky vampire because you are going to sweep her off her feet and she won't know what is happening."

I chuckled a little. As much as I would love to believe Bella, she never heard my story. The way she was speaking, I wasn't sure if she every would. It sounded like she was saying goodbye.

"I know Charlie doesn't come home til tomorrow, but since Rose was kind enough to fix my truck, I am going to leave now. Emmett, I know you are going to be mad. But I really have to learn to do things on my own." Emmett looked like he was going to say something, but Rose shook her head at him, his face fell.

"If it isn't asking too much, I was wondering if maybe we could keep in touch though? Maybe email or calls?" I got up to get some paper from Esme's desk in the living room, grabbed a pen and quickly wrote all three of our contact information down for Bella. Handing it to her, I got a huge dose of appreciation thrown my way.

"I'm proud of you Bella. Choosing to live after what we put you through is very brave." I thought back to my conversation with Peter and with every part of my being, I just wanted to tell her I would stay and help her through this, I kept my mouth closed. A smile crossed her face and for the first time since I saw her a couple of days ago, it looked genuine.

Bella finished getting her stuff while Emmett pulled her truck around to the front of the house. We all walked her out of the house; she pulled each of us into one last hug and thanked us again. It was not lost on any of us that we may never see each other again as she pulled out of the driveway. She had our contact information and we would leave it in her hands should she decide to use it.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 11

BPOV

The month's past quickly after I left the Cullen's house. I tried to keep to my word and actually live my life. I spent a lot of time with Charlie, actually getting to know my father. He was so relieved that I seemed to be better. Angela and I became best friends. Spending almost all of our time together, when she wasn't with Ben. Jessica and I never became very close, but I stilled viewed her as a friend. I was just very cautious about what I told her.

While I couldn't tell anyone about my relationship with Edward and his family, the days I spent with Emmett, Rose and Jasper helped me more than I could have realized. I still had nightmares every once in a while, but was able to deal with them a little better. As I told Jasper that day in his study, I needed to learn to sleep without having someone help me.

I hadn't spoken to them since the day we said goodbye. I still had the paper Jasper gave me with all of their contact information on it. So many times I wanted to call one of them and just hear their voice but there was too much to consider. If Edward was around, he would no doubt hear my voice and I didn't want a fight to start in the family because they helped me. I wasn't strong enough yet to call or email them. I didn't want to put myself out there if they chose not to respond back.

I wasn't strong enough yet, but I was getting there.

Graduation came and went and summer vacation was packed with things to do. Besides working, there were a lot of parties to go to and plans for beach trips before we all separated to go to college. I missed a lot of college application deadlines, but was still able to secure a spot in my number 2 choice. I was going to Penn State. They had a great history and literature program and I had decided that I wanted to have a dual major. Charlie and Renee weren't too thrilled about me going so far away, but I convinced them that it was the best thing for me. A true fresh start to my life. Charlie even surprised me with another truck. This one was much newer, but still used; a 1999 Mercury Mountaineer SUV, deep blue. His one demand was I have a safe ride while I drove across country.

It was the beginning of August and classes were starting in 2 weeks. Enough time for me to spend about 5-6 days driving and then a week getting settled in my apartment. I had to get special permission to live off campus as a freshman, but my father pulled some strings stating that since I am a chief of police's daughter, there were certain security measures that he wanted that couldn't be accommodated in a traditional dorm setting. I didn't know what he was going to do if they asked him what measures, but it seemed to work. The real reason I didn't want to have a roommate was because I still have nightmares sometimes. While they were few and far between nowadays, they could still get bad. I didn't want to be embarrassed having a roommate have to tend to me when I had one.

As I packed up the last of my stuff in the truck, Charlie was looking under the hood for what seemed like the tenth time. "Well Bells, I think you are all set. Sure you don't want me tagging along just to get you settled? I have vacation time to use."

"Seriously dad, I am ok. I just want to take my time driving and stopping when I have the urge. I promise I won't get too tired on the road and I will call you every night and let you know where I am. I'm good"

"Yeah you are Bells, I am so glad that you ARE good. Seemed like you were never going to get over the loss of Edward and then the weekend I had to go to Seattle on that case seemed like a turning point for you. I am proud of you Bells, of everything you have done and everything you are going to do"

Charlie, truly a man of few words, had just reached his limit and gave me a single arm hug and closed my truck door after I climbed in. I pulled out of our driveway, down the street, watching as Charlie stood in the road, waving goodbye .

The drive cross country was pretty much uneventful. It seemed strange that my last road trip was with Alice and Jasper, trying to flee Forks from an human blood drink-tracking obssessed vampire. Hmmm, times have changed, I chuckled.

Over the past months, I have thought a lot about my choices and why I fell in love with Edward so easily and completely, but let myself get lost in the process. Never standing up for myself against him regarding what I wanted. Allowing myself to get to the point that he broke me and I almost ended up killing myself in the process. I didn't know if I should thank Rose and Emmett for finding me or Esme, since she was the one that asked them to go to the house. Either way, I was grateful for the second chance.

I don't know if the three of them ever told the rest of the family what happened to me. I thought about them a lot though. I don't know if Alice is happy with her new man, assuming she found him. I often wondered about Edward, hoping he had found his happiness. Then there was Jasper. I spent a lot of time thinking about Jasper. While our conversations were limited in topics over the few days we spent together, he was often in my thoughts. Had he traveled after I left or gone home with Rose and Emmett? How was it for him to be at the house with the Cullens and not be with Alice? I knew Jasper was a strong man, a man of conviction and honor, but our chat about mates replayed on a regular basis. What happened in his past to make him think he didn't deserve to find his soul mate?

I decided that once I got settled in Pennsylvania, I would email them individually. I asked to keep in touch with them and I haven't. I need to remedy that situation.

I pulled onto the street that my apartment was located. Safety was Charlie's number one requirement. While there is always the concern for human predators, my definition of safety and Charlie's were somewhat skewed. I knew a good safe building would not stop the creatures of the supernatural world. The apartment was fully furnished, small but well maintained. A one bedroom on the second floor of a 4 story building. It was about 3 blocks to campus, 2 blocks to a coffee shop that happened to be right next to a bookstore. Walking through the apartment for the first time, I was in love immediately. The walls were a soft yellow, burgundy curtains hung over the dual windows in the living room and looked onto a tree lined street, off the living room was a small but acceptably sized kitchen that suit my purpose fine since I would be cooking for myself. A small window over the sink I thought I could use for maybe growing some herbs. There was a tiny table in the kitchen with 2 chairs. It was pushed against the wall, but also had a window over it with the same burgundy curtains as the living room. The bedroom and bathroom were down the single hallway. The bedroom walls were slightly darker yellow than the living room, a richer color that screamed "CALM" to me. There were 2 windows, one on either side of the queen size bed. Dresser and a simple closet finished out the room. The bathroom was standard.

I started making a mental list of what I would need to get to make the place a little homier for me. If all worked out well, I would spend the next four years of my life here. I spent the next few hours lugging all my stuff upstairs, taking my time so I don't trip over anything. My balance and coordination had improved a little bit, but carrying boxes up stairs without being able to see my feet was like a disaster waiting to happen.

On the third trip up, real Bella decided to make an appearance. My toe hit the ledge of the step of the second to last stair and I fell forward. I was lucky I was carrying my bedding, so at least my landing was soft.

"Oh, let me help you" I heard a deep voice chuckle. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, thanks, being me I get used to tripping over things that aren't even there." I looked up into ice blue eyes staring back at me. He was a taller than I was, maybe 5'10. I didn't think he was as tall as Edward or Jasper and they were around 6 foot. His build was slight, not overly pumped up and muscular like Emmett, but not thin like Edward. I mentally chastised myself for constantly comparing humans to the beauty that I know of vampires. Really, it wasn't fair. His hair was really light brown, with lots of blond streaks through it. The color of his hair reminded me of Jasper. Damn, I did it again. Stupid vampire perfect looks. I could feel my face scowling as I yelled at myself silently in my head.

"Hi, I'm Mark. I live in 3B."

"Bella, 2A."

"Well Bella, 2A, do you need a hand getting some more stuff up from your car? I assume you are starting Penn State next week."

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Most of the apartments are students here, good location, clean, reasonable rent. Come on, let me help you. It'll be faster with 2 of us."

"Thanks" I could feel myself blushing. I hadn't interacted with a lot of guys, even since I started living my life after February. Part of my mind was constantly comparing people to the perfection that immortality brought, the other part- the saner part-knew that I needed to fix myself first, before jumping back into the dating pool.

A couple of trips later, Mark and I had finished unpacking the SUV and I was sitting on the couch, looking at the mountains of boxes littering my living room. Mark had made small talk during our trips. He was from Western New York, small family, parents still married. He was a junior majoring in Business Marketing. His girlfriend lived in the building as well on the fourth floor. I was somewhat relieved to hear that he was already taken and surprised that part of me was also disappointed. Mark was good looking, nice. HHmmm?

I pulled out my laptop and waited for it to boot up while I made some hot tea. I would have to grocery shop in the morning. Emailing Renee and Charlie, I let them know I arrived ok, got everything upstairs and was just relaxing. I pulled out my backpack and got the piece of paper Jasper had given me back at the house.

_Rose and Emmett,_

_I am hoping that you are both doing well. I know I said I would keep in touch and I haven't, but I am doing ok. I am living my life and each day gets a little better. I would love to hear from either of you and see how the family is doing. Call me, my cell hasn't changed._

_How's Jasper doing?_

_Love,_

_Bella_

Short, sweet and to the point.

Jasper's email was a little harder to write. I wanted to find out how he was adjusting to single life, but didn't want to sound like I was being nosy.

_Jasper,_

_I still think of you often as my protector and when I do I smile. I am doing good, getting stronger all the time. The past few months have flown by and I am getting ready to start my freshman year at college. I am hoping that you are doing well. What have you been up to the recently? Have you traveled at all, met any new people, started high school AGAIN? LOL. Write back if you get a chance. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me._

_Love,_

_Bella_

I sent it before I backed out. There. I'll leave the ball in their court now.

I started my classes the following week and was getting acclimated with where everything was on campus. While I loved the programs that Penn State offered, the campus was almost as big as the entire town of Forks. It took me the first full week of classes just to figure out where all my classes were, not to mention another week just to figure out the shortest route to get to all of them in the correct time frame.

My nights were spent studying and getting settled. I saw Mark a couple of times in passing and was able to meet his girlfriend Abby. Nice girl, reminded me of Angela, seemed trustworthy. She was a sophomore and shared her apartment with 2 other girls. She even invited me to a party over the weekend. She said it was like a Tupperware party and only girls would be there. I wasn't sure how much Tupperware college kids needed, but I figured it was a good way to have a night out.

Imagine my surprise when I arrived at Abby's apartment Saturday and found out the party was a bit racier than Tupperware. There were sex toys and paraphernalia laid out on a table and some other unidentifiable items lined up on the floor. I am sure I turned 6 shades of red and stayed that way the entire night. I could tell I was pretty much the only virgin in the group. The drinks were flowing and I even had a couple of beers. I didn't end up buying anything, although some of the items were very interesting. Thankfully there were no live demonstrations. I think I would have fainted even after having a couple of drinks, that would have been too much for me.

I got home from the party around 10 that night and decided to check my email. It's been two weeks since I sent the emails to Rose, Emmett and Jasper and I hadn't heard back from them. Last year, I would have been devastated. Now, while it hurt, I found I was ok. I quickly answered Renee's email and filled her in on the sex toy party. That would be right up her alley, I thought chuckling.

There was another email from whitlock1863. I figured it was spam, but the memo line said simply, "hello Bella". Clicking on it, I figured I was in for another offer for Viagra, completing the sex themed night I had going. I was shocked to see the signature at the bottom was Jasper.

Whitlock? Huh?

_Bella,_

_Sorry it took me so long to answer your email. I don't check them nearly as much as I should. If we continue to communicate this way, I will try to be timelier in my responses. I am glad to hear that you are doing better. Where did you end up going to college? I would imagine someplace very warm and sunny. After we saw you, Rose, Emmett and I visited my friends Peter and Charlotte in Colorado for a couple of months. They left shortly before summer to help the family settle in back east. I stayed until Fourth of July and then found myself traveling eastward as well. Peter and Charlotte tend to travel a bit and while, like you, I don't mind a good book, I was missing conversation. I have settled back with the family in New York and decided not to enroll in high school again. This time choosing college courses. No I haven't met any new people and for some reason I think you are asking if I am dating?! What about you?_

_I hope this finds you well and I hear from you again soon._

_Jasper_

I realized that I had a smile on my face reading Jasper's email. I closed my laptop, thinking I will reply tomorrow. While the email didn't really say a lot, it was good to see that at least he did respond. Funny he saw right through my question about meeting new people. Empath or not, Jasper can read people well even without their emotions around. I got ready for bed and fell asleep quickly, not even remembering closing my eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 12

BPOV

Jasper and I continued our email thing for several months. We spoke on the phone usually once a week. Sometimes we texted but not too much. Rose and Emmett emailed me back about a week after Jasper had first done so. Jasper had told them that he finally heard from me and they decided to check their email. Apparently being immortal means that you don't need to check your email a lot.

My freshman year at Penn State was turning out fantastic. I was doing well in my classes, had made quite a few friends, including Abby and her roommates Liz and Jen. The four of us were usually together in some fashion. We often hung out together on the weekends either watching movies or going to a party.

I didn't mind going to the parties too much. I got drunk a couple of times, but I guess my past was still with me, because it was hard for me to loose control not knowing if there was something coming after me. Since I left the supernatural world behind me and the people that were in it, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was right, that day in the woods. While I didn't think I would forget anything that happened, maybe I would eventually forget.

My emails to Jasper were filled with the daily life of college. Not that he didn't know what happened, but it felt good to write to him about it. I would imagine that my college experience was a tad bit different than his.

We spoke about everything in our emails. Alice, Edward, the family. It was therapeutic for me to have someone to speak to about this. I often wondered if Jasper got the same thing from our conversations that I did. What I wanted to do after college, where he was planning on taking his next trip. Before I knew it, my freshman year was finishing. It had been over a year since I had that weekend at the Cullen house with them. To this day, I was still relieved that Rose and Emmett found me.

Surprisingly, Rose and I's emails were even better. She would fill me in on family gossip. There wasn't a lot since they still didn't know where Edward was and Alice hadn't returned yet from her 'find my true soul mate' venture. But it was funny hearing about the stuff that Jasper and Emmett did together to try and lighten the mood. Both she and Jasper told me that the three of them informed Carlisle and Esme of what happened last February. At first, I was pissed, but soon got over it and decided that they needed to know that while I had a moment of weakness in response to their son's last goodbye; it was, in fact, their son's treatment of me that caused me to start the decent into my depression. I would often extend my email with a 'hello' to each of them.

Emmett kept asking when they could come visit me. I knew that they were living in New York, about 3 hours from me. Ithaca. It would be very easy for me to say yes to his request, but somehow I knew that they time wasn't right.

_B,_

_I'm getting ready to take my little trip that I told you about. I should be gone for about 2 weeks. Heading up to North Canada to catch up with Peter and Charlotte. I probably won't have much signal for that time, so don't be mad if I don't respond to your emails. Please continue to keep sending them, they always brighten my day and when you have as much time as I do, it's nice to read something new. It will give me something to catch up with when I get back._

_Good luck on your finals. I am really proud of you and how well you have adjusted to college life. Don't party too hard after them._

_Miss you lots,_

_J_

I smiled. While Rose and Emmett's emails would always make me laugh, I was always very content after reading Jasper's. For a while after we separated, I was worried that being apart from Alice would be a bad thing for him. He seemed to be doing well, adjusting. It was probably a little easier on him without so many people in the house. With his gift, I would imagine that having more people around would be a bad thing. I chuckled as I thought of Jasper having to endure one of my mega lectures, 300 people in one class. He'd probably have a seizure from everyone's emotions.

He had told me a little of his time with Peter and Charlotte. I had asked for a picture once, so I can put a name to a face, but he explained didn't have any. I hoped that during this hunting trip, maybe that could be remedied if he remembered.

After turning my computer off, I got ready for bed. I only had 3 finals to worry about. One in English Lit, one in Philosophy and one in Computer Science, my elective for this semester. Two tomorrow and one on Monday. I had planned on relaxing this weekend and getting ready for the Philosophy final.

After getting a rather good night sleep, I woke, got ready and went up to Abby's apartment to get her for the Computer Science final. We were in the same class. We both finished the final in the final minutes, her going back to her apartment, me staying to finish my English Lit final in the afternoon. Why someone puts a final on a Friday afternoon is beyond me?

When I finished that final and headed back to my apartment, I felt incredibly lighter. I was almost done for the semester. I had told Charlie and Renee that I was going to spend the summer in PA, taking some classes and working. While they weren't thrilled, they were happy that I seemed to have gotten over my depression from Edward.

All I wanted to do this weekend was relax and study Philosophy. Abby and the girls had other ideas. I could hear them on the fourth floor as soon as I walked into the building. Laughing with the music blaring. I'm surprised that no one called the cops yet. I went straight to their apartment to see what was going on.

All of them were dancing around the room with a drink in their hand, singing to whatever song was on the IPod. Jen ran over to me with a cup full of beer and ordered me to drink.

Well, I guess I'll study Philosophy tomorrow.

We hung out for the next couple of hours and decided to head down to Mark's apartment to continue the party. By this time, I was already feeling the effects of the beer. I think I was on number 5 and the night was still young. Mark's apartment was just like mine. One bedroom, set up in the same manner. A bunch of his friends were there also, so I knew most of the people. I started mingling with a couple of the girls I recognized when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"You're Bella, right?" Before me stood a tall, brown haired guy with the most amazing ice blue eyes I had ever seen. He was around 6 feet tall, not too muscular, but you could tell that he was in shape. His deep blue t shirt hugged his chest perfectly and made his eyes even more so noticeable.

"Yeah, Joe, right? How are you?" I knew I was probably beet red right now. Only hoping that maybe he thought it would be the alcohol rather than me being embarrassed.

I hadn't dated a lot since arriving here. Only a couple of first dates. I felt a lot more confident in myself, but still wasn't actively looking to become half a couple.

We talked most of the rest of the night. Hanging out with everyone and laughing. The stress from finals was finally beginning to wane. Joe was a sophomore and friends with Mark. I had seen him a couple of times in passing in the hallway either coming or going from Mark's place, but never really noticed him too closely.

Now, standing right next to him, I wondered how that was possible. He was absolutely gorgeous. Not immortal gorgeous, but who is? A small part of my beer influenced mind whispered to me, _Jasper is._

Shaking my head to try and clear it, I threw myself back into the current conversation. Joe was a bio major and wanted to be clinical researcher after graduation. He was also from Western New York, like Mark. They had gone to high school together. It was really nice talking to him.

The party started winding down as I found myself getting more tired. It was already close to 2 in the morning and some part of me knew I had to get up tomorrow and be somewhat coherent to study some more.

I told Joe I was going to leave, and he offered to walk me to my apartment. When we got to the door, I fumbled with my keys for a bit while trying to get them in the lock when Joe's hand slid over mine and finished the job. I looked over my shoulder at him standing behind me to say thanks.

He followed me in my apartment. I was a little nervous since I didn't really ask him to, but part of me didn't care.

"Mark said you were staying up here this summer? Maybe we can hang out sometime? I'm trying to make sure that I can keep up with my courses, so I am going to be getting some extra tutoring this summer. We could go to dinner if you would like." He voice wasn't the melodic song that belongs to immortals, it was soft and low in tone. His voice went straight to my knees, making them week.

"Sure, let me have your phone and I'll give you my number." When he handed me his phone, his fingers slowly pulled back, keeping in contact with mine as long as possible it seemed. I punched my number in and gave his phone back to him.

"Well, I guess I better get going. It was nice hanging out with you Bella, I'll call you next week after my finals are done. We can celebrate." I had sat down on the couch, exhausted, when I saw he had his hand extended. I grabbed it and he yanked. Effectively pulling me up and causing me to crash into his chest. My hands landed squarely on his chest and I tilted my face up to him mumbling my apologies.

Both his arms were wrapped around me. I could tell he was going to lean in for a kiss. One that I wanted as much as it seemed he did. His lips touched mine gently. Slowly. My lips parted and his tongue entered my mouth, our tongues dancing with each other for a moment. He pulled away and smiled. The kiss was short, but enough to send chills down my spine, in a good way.

"Sorry, I wanted to do that all night."

"Uhh, no problem." I stuttered. "Well I better get ready for bed, thanks for walking me down."

"Goodnight Bella, I'll call you next week." He said as he walked out my door. I followed him to lock it and felt like my legs were jello. After I made sure my legs weren't going to collapse on me, I got myself ready for bed quickly.

The next morning, I sat at my laptop, doing some research on the summer school courses I would be able to take when my email pinged a new message. Knowing Jasper was not available due to his trip, I figured it had to be Emmett or Rose.

Sure enough, Rose.

_Bella,_

_Hey girl. Hope you did well on your final's yesterday?! Only one more and you are no longer a freshman. Good for you. Emmett and I thought we would come visit you next week since you won't have classes. Don't bother ignoring this one. Emmett wants to see you and so do I. Jasper is gone with Peter and Charlotte and Esme and Carlisle are going to some convention. We will be there Monday afternoon._

_No arguments!_

_Can't wait to see the new Bella._

_Rose._

I knew that at some point I was going to see them again. Part of me was glad it was just Rose and Emmett. Part of me wanted to see Jasper again. I wondered how his hunting trip was going. Suddenly wishing that he could get a signal on his phone wherever he was.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 13

BPOV

I spent the weekend studying Philosophy and getting the apartment ready for my visitors. I was somewhat nervous but mostly excited to see them. Unfortunately, with it being mid-May in Pennsylvania, we wouldn't be able to go out a lot during the day. Can't have two sparkling vampires stunning the students of this place. I didn't know how long they were planning on staying, but figured we could at least go out at night, maybe to some clubs that are around. I was very glad that Abby's older sister Michelle had given me her ID. We could have been twins with how much we looked like each other.

I finished my exam around 11 AM and made my way back to my place to have some lunch while I waited for them to arrive. Joe had called me early in the morning to wish me luck on my last final, which I returned to him since I knew he had one as well. I just couldn't remember which one. I could feel the heat cover my cheeks as I remembered our kiss.

I had spent a good amount of time thinking about Joe this weekend and our kiss. He seemed nice, had a good sense of humor and was gorgeous. _Not as good looking as Jasper. I wonder what kissing Jasper would be like?_ I had to shake my head again to get those thoughts out of my mind. Every now and then, during our chats, whether email or phone calls, I would day dream about what it was like to kiss Jasper. I knew it was dangerous ground to tread on and needed to remind myself of that. Often!

Rose and Emmett arrived around 2 in the afternoon. Pounding on my door, I could feel Emmett's excitement before I even opened it. I got swung up in a hug too tight for a human before Rose reminded him of my fragile state. Once Emmett put me down, Rose came over and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

To see this side of her was a little bit different. Even though we hadn't seen each other in a year and a half, there was still a part of me that was bitter towards Edward for making her out to be a bitch. I loved the fact that I had gotten to know the real Rose and could now call her friend.

"Bells, wow, look at you! You look hot." Emmett bellowed. Rose just looked at him and laughed. Whatever popped into Emmett's head flew out Emmett's mouth the following second. I knew I turned a few shades of red at the comment.

"Bella, really you look fantastic. I wasn't sure what I shape I thought we would find you in, but you really look great." I learned through our emails that when Rose gave a compliment, you knew it was the truth. She often told me things I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear. For that I was very appreciative. My friendship with her had grown and I knew she would always tell me the truth.

After giving them the 5 minute tour of my apartment, we settled in on the couch, Rose and Emmett snuggled up against each other, while I sat on my recliner. It was great to have my brother back.

We caught up for a while and I offered some suggestions about some clubs we could go to tonight. Most of my friends had left for the semester, but it didn't mean that we couldn't find some fun to have. We decided to head out to a country line dancing bar tonight. Tomorrow was supposed to be slightly overcast, so we might be able to go outside and then tomorrow night we were going to go to a party at one of the frat houses. Joe had mentioned it to me on Friday and I thought it might be fun.

We got ready for our night at the country bar and I was surprised at how light on his feet Emmett was. Rose was absolutely stunning, as always, but I couldn't help but laugh when Emmett started dancing and was as graceful as any professional I had ever seen. I had a couple of beers, but was still sluggish from Friday night, so I didn't overdue it. That seemed to piss Emmett off, he kept trying to buy me more drinks. I guess because they couldn't get drunk, they were going to live vicariously through me. I promised Emmett that I would have a couple more tomorrow night at the frat party, just for him.

When we got home, Rose, Emmett and I talked for a little longer. I was curious as to why no one had heard from Alice or Edward.

"We don't know Bella, we try their cell about once a week, but it either goes straight to voicemail or rings through to it after awhile. Alice called about six months ago and told us she was fine and in Africa. She didn't even tell us if she found her other half though. Edward hasn't called in a year, since late last spring. He didn't say where he was at the time, but that he was ok and would call later."

"Too bad. I hope they are both alright." I left it at that. There was no longing in my voice, no pain in my chest.

"Bells, you really are over him, aren't you?" I nodded to my brother. And he was my brother. In every sense of the word. My long lost feelings of resentment towards them all had faded in relation to the three that helped save me.

"Emmett, I don't think I'll ever be truly over Edward. He was my first love. But he got a lot wrong about how to handle that. Because of him, I almost lost myself. I won't let any guy do that to me again. I'm stronger than that. I deserve someone that will love me with all the passion that I love them with. Someone who completes me, like a missing puzzle piece. But I am not in a rush to find it. I'm fine by myself for now." Nothing had really happened with Joe, so I didn't think it was necessary to bring him into the conversation. It was just a kiss.

"And Bella, that's the way it should be. I know I can't make you have the life that I wanted, but at least you are having a life. When you find that person, you'll know it too. Just like I knew with Emmett. When I saw him in the woods, for the first time since I woke up like this, I was at peace. I didn't understand it at first, just knew that this big giant lug needed to be saved and it was up to me to do it. I know you'll find it."

I got up, kissed both of them on the cheeks and said my goodnights. Exams finished, I relaxed into bed, suddenly think about Jasper again. _I hope Jasper finds his other half, the missing puzzle piece. He deserves the sense of peace that Rose spoke about._

I fell asleep and dreamed about honey eyes being surrounded by brown and gold locks of wavy hair. Eyes bearing into me like I was water in a desert.

When I woke the following morning, I could small coffee wafting through the apartment. My feet got me up before my eyes were really open. Following the heavenly scent to the kitchen, Rose and Emmett had gone down to the coffee shop this morning and grabbed me a very large coffee and equally big bear claw for breakfast. I didn't need Emmett's hearty laugh to realize the humor of my breakfast.

We spent most of the day walking campus. They had never been to Penn State before and were amazed that I chose to go to such a large school. I explained that since I last saw them, I was constantly trying to push my boundaries and try new things. I told them of my time riding motorcycles after I last saw them. I explained my friendship with Jake and the other guys from the reservation. After seeing them share a concerned look, I finally told them that yes I knew about the pack and was considered an honorary member. Emmett couldn't believe that vampires leave town and I start hanging out with horse size wolves. Yes this could only happen to me.

As the day grew on, we headed back to my apartment for me to eat. We were going to head to the frat party around 7 and Rose wanted to help me get ready. It wasn't Bella Barbie, but it was nice having someone give me a hand. I had cut my hair to shoulder length and sometimes when I wanted to wear it differently, I had a hard time doing the back. I ended up deciding to wear my black jean, red halter top and some flip flops. Even though it was cloudy today, it was really warm tonight. Add in a couple hundred people at a frat house and I was better off wearing something slightly cooler.

When we got to the party, Emmett went off to get us some beers. Rose and I talked a little about Jasper and what he has been doing lately.

"He seems fine. There is a bit of agitation that comes off him sometimes when we talk about you. I don't know what it is. Maybe his whole protection vibe with you is coming through. We laugh about it now that everyone knows you are ok, telling Jasper he doesn't need to protect you anymore, he can retire. Funny thing is, you would think he would be relieved, but he isn't. It just gets him going again. I don't know, sometimes he is strange."

I didn't know what to make of those comments. Jasper and I had spoken about the protection thing a couple of times on the phone. We never solved it, but I just figured that it had to do with the fact that I was Alice's best friend and he wanted to keep me safe for her.

The night rolled on; Rose and I were dancing in the living room while Emmett was off with some of the guys having arm wrestling competitions. We both rolled our eyes at him as some of the football players came in and tried to beat him. I am sure he was monitoring his strength, but with Emmett you never know.

I told Rose I was heading off to the bathroom for a minute and turned the corner to bump right into Joe. I didn't even realize he was here. He looked flustered for a second then a smile fell across his face.

"Bella." The strong features on his face were made softer by the smile on his lips. His eyes trailed down my body and I could feel the familiar color washing across my cheeks.

"Hey baby, there you are. I couldn't find you." A tall slender girl saddled up to Joe, wrapping her hand in his as she stopped right next to him. "Hi, I'm Julie, Joe's girlfriend." Her other hand out stretched towards me to shake it.

Joe looked dumbstruck and wouldn't look at me or the girl stating to be his girlfriend. "Bella, it's nice to meet you. Joe didn't mention he had a girlfriend." I threw a glare at him. I had no right to be jealous or even pissed. But I was. Nothing really had happened with Joe, we kissed, but suddenly I felt myself feeling bad for this girl who obviously knew nothing about it. "Well I better go, nice meeting you Julie. I hope he doesn't screw you over too much." I turned and walked away. I found Rose standing near the bar with a scowled look on her glorious face.

"Who was that Bella?"

"No one, can you find Emmett? I want to leave please."

We got Emmett and made our way back to my apartment where Rose started the interrogation. "Bella, I can tell you are upset. Why not tell me?"

"Because Rose, there isn't anything to tell. I met Joe at a party Friday night, we talked, we kissed, he left. I saw him tonight and found out he has a girlfriend. He seemed so nice the other night. Just threw me for a loop. God I need a vacation!" I hollered. After working so hard for the past year on school, I could use a break and get my head out of my ass.

I hadn't known Joe very well. He didn't owe me anything. Why was I so pissed? I knew the answer but didn't want to admit to it. There was still part of me that didn't trust guys. _You trust Jasper. _I thought I had healed enough to maybe start seeing something other than a male friend when I looked at a guy. UGGH, so frustrating.

"Hey if you need a vacation, why don't you follow Rose and I home for a couple of days? Carlisle and Esme will be back from the convention tomorrow, we'll see if we can get in touch with Jasper and have him come home too. I know they would love to see you Bells. And plus, I don't want to see you so upset. Pleasssssseeee." With the puppy dog eyes that only Emmett can provide, I nodded my head. It would be good to see the others again. _Jasper._

I had the same dream that night. The honey colored eyes surrounded by the brown and gold wavy locks of hair. Smiling at me.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 14

JPOV

Peter, Charlotte and I sat overlooking the gorge in front of us. We were in Northern Canada somewhere. I had missed them over the past year, so it was good to be back. Although they hunted the 'old fashioned way', both still liked nature. Enough so that when we could find a place where both of our hunting styles would be sated, we would hang out for awhile.

Invariably, the conversation turned towards Bella. Peter had never let me forget that I needed to let her go, but there was still some part of me that wanted to run towards Pennsylvania and find her, making sure she was ok. I knew it was crazy, but I still had this protection thing going on with her and I couldn't seem to shake it. Anytime I talked to Peter about it, he would just smirk and look at Char. Knowingness and smugness radiating off him in waves.

God, I hate that fucker sometimes.

Thinking back over the past year, I was glad that Bella seemed to be doing well. Surprised to hear that she chose to go to Penn State. I figured that at some point, she would acknowledge Emmett's request about a visit, but she never did. Sadness grew in me thinking that maybe she figured out a way to live her life outside of the supernatural world and wanted to forget about it. But Bella being unselfish Bella mentioned that at some point she was sure she would see the family again. I loved our weekly phone conversations, sometimes lasting two or three hours. Getting to know each others likes and dislikes, talking about my time since Alice and hers since Edward. I could understand her worry over me, but without her having first hand knowledge of a vampires psyche, it was hard to explain. We know our mates. When we first see them, we know what they are to us. After living on this earth over 150 years, and turning thousands of people, I was pretty sure that if I hadn't found a mate by now, one did not exist for me. With the torture and destruction that I brought about during the newborn wars, I was sure that none ever would.

"You know it's almost time, Major."

"Almost time for what Peter. More of your riddles?" A brother not by blood, but by choice, he had often led me to the best decisions of my life. First with leaving Maria, then venturing out on my own to find Alice, I was hoping that whatever he would say would turn me in a positive direction.

"Just that it is almost time." I could feel more smugness coming off him and rolled my eyes in his general direction.

"Jasper, how long are you planning on staying with us?" Char asked.

All of a sudden, I was slightly confused. Char knew that when the three of us went hunting, it usually lasted around 2 weeks. We had just gotten here a couple of days ago, so I didn't even think it would be time to leave yet.

"I don't know, maybe til next week. Hadn't really planned that far. Carlisle and Esme are at a convention and Rose and Emmett are just hanging out at home. I can do that with them anytime, so I am really in no hurry to leave. Why? Trying to kick me out already?" Char's emotions were not of annoyance, but familial love and anticipation, so I knew she wasn't sick of Peter and I's shit. Yet.

"No they are not." The fucker announced.

"No who isn't Peter? You know I hate when you do this, can't you just spit it out like a normal person for once in your damned eternal life."

"Rose and Emmett took a road trip, or are going to be taken a road trip. They thought it would be nice to visit the Keystone State, maybe hit up a prominent college down there and take a tour."

Shocked at what Peter was telling me I flew over to him and stared down at him with glaring eyes. Peter was only about an inch shorter than me, but with my reputation, he knew never to mess with me when I hit a certain point. I was shortly before that point right now. Was he trying to tell me that Rose and Emmett went to visit Bella? My Bella.

_My Bella?_ Where did that come from? She had certainly wormed her way into all of our hearts, but she definitely wasn't mine. Although, she was probably my best friend next to Peter and Char. Something that would most likely change once she heard my story. She asked for it often enough, but it wasn't something I would do over the phone and told her as much. While I don't want to see the absolute hatred come across her face when she hears it, it is something that I owe her to do in person.

There was hope in my voice when I asked my next question to him. "Were you trying to tell me it's almost time for me to see Bella again? And I am telling you Peter, with all the sanity that I have left, you better answer yes or no and nothing else, otherwise when I leave here, Char will be digging parts of you out of the ground for the next year."

He nodded his head, probably because I had squeezed his throat shut with my hand and I was shoving so much fear into him he couldn't speak. Shit. Sometimes I forget exactly the amount of strength that I have. Releasing his throat, I pulled him away from the tree and hugged him. Turned around and pulled Char into a similar hug and ran off, yelling to them that I'll contact them later.

I ran back to where our trucks were parks, jumped in and started the car. Momentarily wondering if I should just leave the car and run back. Shaking my head at the crazy notion, I tried rationalizing that this was just Bella. I missed her horribly, but we were just friends. There was nothing romantic about this. But I still sped home. Once my cell got a signal, I ran through my voicemails. Yep, Emmett left a voicemail that he, Rose and Bella would be at the house Wednesday late morning or early afternoon. It was Tuesday evening now, if I drove all night I would probably arrive around the same time as them, give or take a few hours depending on when they actually left.

BPOV

Well, this isn't how I expected this week to go. First I end last week on a great high, almost done with my finals, meeting Joe and kissing him and knowing Rose and Em were going to come to visit.

Now, done with the finals, Joe has a girlfriend and I am heading to see the Cullens. Well really just Carlisle and Esme. Emmett had tried to get in touch with Jasper, but it went to voicemail. My heart sank at the news. After a year and a half of not seeing him, but spending so much time communicating with him, I was kinda looking forward to the spontaneously planned reunion. Well, maybe Alice will come home suddenly.

Then thoughts came of what if Edward came home while I was there. I knew I was over him, but wasn't sure if I wanted to see him again. Logic told me that since he hadn't had contact with the family in over a year, I highly doubt he would pick this week to make his appearance. But this is my life, so you never know.

I followed Emmett and Rose's car as it careened through the mountains into New York. I had made Emmett promise to drive closer to the speed limit. My truck ran fine, but I still didn't like speeding. Plus it was absolutely gorgeous driving through this part of New York and I wanted to be able to see some of it.

It was a relatively short trip, lasting just under 3 hours and we pulled up to a white colonial style house. It was smaller than the Forks house, but beautiful still the same. Esme must have already planted her spring flowers along the brick walkway leading to the front door. A small, simple porch graced the front of it. For a moment I was shocked, this house was much less grand than Forks.

I parked my truck next to Emmett's truck out front and grabbed my bag out from the back seat. I didn't know if Carlisle and Esme were home yet, but guessed not since no one was waiting at the front door when we pulled up. My nerves on edge, imagining their reaction to my sudden visit, at this time, I was glad Jasper wasn't here. He would have gotten sick with the way my emotions were bouncing around.

"So what do you think Bella?" Rose said as she grabbed my bag from me and threw it to Emmett, opening the front door to the house.

Esme's simple style of white flowed religiously throughout the first floor, what I could see of it. Two columns broke up the living area from what I would assume was a traditional dining area, or family meeting area for my vampires; I could see part of another room around the back and assumed it was a kitchen. There were stairs in front of me heading towards the second level. I loved it. It was simple, not as flashy as Forks, homey.

"Love it, surprised it isn't bigger."

Rose explained this house was in the family for about 50 years and while Esme had updated the inside, she couldn't bring herself to put an addition on it since the charm of the house was partly due to the size.

Rose brought me upstairs and showed me the bedrooms and bathrooms. Telling me I would stay in Jasper's room since he was gone hunting for awhile. Instantly I had a little sadness again as I wouldn't see my friend. He had become my best friend. When we spoke on the phone, there was no topic off the table. It was slightly uncomfortable at first, but there was such a level of trust that I had built with him during my conversations that I quickly got over it.

After going to the bathroom to freshen up, I headed back downstairs. Emmett was playing some new video game but I couldn't find Rose. Em explained that she had gone to the store to get me some food for a couple of days. Since I hadn't seen them in so long, there was no reason for them to have any in the house.

I laughed when Rose came in about an hour later with enough food to last 2 weeks, asking her if she thought she was going to fatten me up before I became dinner. She shot me a death glare before laughing.

We were sitting on the couch, hanging out for a little while before Rose told me that Carlisle and Esme had turned onto the driveway and would be here in less than five minutes. Nerves built up again, my heart racing a mile a minute. Emmett telling me that everything will be fine, I knew they missed me, but it was almost 2 years since I had seen them and still wasn't sure if I was strong enough to do this. Taking a deep breath, just as I heard the car engine shut off in the front yard.

Esme barreled through the door screaming "Where is she? Where is Bella? I smell her. I want to see her. Please tell me that is her truck" She flew upstairs where I heard her opening and slamming doors trying to find me I guess. I started giggling and within a second she was standing next to me, startling me. Beautiful as always, pulling me into a hug that would rival one of Emmett's. I wouldn't have thought it of Esme, but I was happy it was a positive reaction.

Carlisle came in the house carrying the bags from the car, laughing at Esme's enthusiasm. He walked over to where I was smiling, pulling me and Esme into a hug. His calm demeanor still his strongest trait.

"Well this is a surprise, welcome Bella. We've missed you." Only sincerity coming out from his words.

I had forgotten all the nuances that were associated with my vampires. The speed, beauty, strength. Living in the mortal world recently, it took me a little bit to wrap my head back around everything.

Stuttering I responded, "Th, thank you Carlisle, It's good to see you too. Esme? Can you loosen up a little bit? I'm still human."

"Oh Bella, I am so sorry" letting me go but still holding my hand, "I can't believe you're here. How did this happen? I am so happy to see you again. You look fantastic; can I get you something to eat?" She was speaking so fast I had a hard time understanding all the words. Memories of Edward doing that in the meadow we used to go to came flooding back. Again, there was no pain, no tears, no sorrow. I smiled at myself at how far I have come in the past year.

Emse's eyes filled with her venom years, "If only all the kids were home….." she trailed off. Knowing that she meant her two missing in action ones.

As if on queue, the front door opened again. In walked the last person I expected to see this weekend. Standing in all his glory, his eyes as soft as the honey color I dreamt about. His wavy hair slightly blowing through the breeze, standing there, holding a duffel bag. He wore faded jeans, a dark blue t shirt and some hiking boots. My breath caught as I saw him smiling at me. My memory of Jasper had not done him justice.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: don't own**

**I am so grateful to all of you that have read and reviewed this story. I am pleased that so many of you seem to be enjoying it. Just an FYI, I will not be putting AN in chapters a lot, especially if something big is going to happen. I want it to read as natural as possible. So you will not have any warnings of bad or good things that are going to happen. Sorry, don't hate me for it.**

**On with the show.**

Chapter 15

ESPOV

I loved traveling with Carlisle for his conventions. It gave us some good couple time away from the rest of the family. A heavy sigh leaving me and filling the car. Carlisle just looked at me and I shook my head.

I guess with how small the family has been for the past couple of years, you would think I would be used to it. I missed the rest of my 'children'. Alice wouldn't come home until she found whatever or whoever she was looking for, so we didn't even have an idea as to when we would see her again. Edward. Edward. Well, Edward created the misery that he is living in right now. And while I feel horrible that he is going through it, the old saying 'you made you bed, now lie in it' came through my mind.

Carlisle and I spoke several times about letting Edward know what we knew about Bella. We both decided it was not our place. She made it clear to Rose, Emmett and Jasper that she had to live her life on her own terms and if that meant without Edward, then I would support her decision. And it wasn't like we had heard from Edward since we found out.

But lord, suicide? I couldn't imagine a world that Bella didn't exist in. From the moment she arrived into our lives, I had visions that the family would be complete. Edward would be happy and we would all be paired off. The night we were informed of what Rose and Emmett found at the house was shocking to say the least and infuriating to say the most. I was floored that Edward had blatantly lied to us about his break up with Bella. Carlisle and I had almost insisted that honesty be the number one rule of this family. Whether we liked it or not, we had to be honest with each other. That he lied to us was bad, but the truth was worse.

I remember vaguely the night I tried to kill myself. The night Carlisle saved me. I don't remember all the pain, but I remember the sadness of what drove me to that decision. I only hoped that what the kids told us now about Bella was the truth; that she was doing well and was happy. That is all I could ask for.

Pulling into the driveway, I began to think I was loosing my mind. I had been thinking about Bella so much this weekend, I was beginning to imagine her scent on our property. As we approached the house, the scent grew stronger. I saw a strange SUV parked next to Emmett's Jeep. I drew in a large breath and just about pushed the car door off its hinges as I flew out of the car. She was here. I knew she was here. I couldn't believe she was here. Bella.

I sped threw the house and went straight upstairs, opening and slamming doors trying to find her when I heard her giggling downstairs. Flittering back down, I saw her next to Emmett's huge frame smiling and laughing at my antics. I pulled her into a large hug, feeling the venom fill my eyes. My Bella is here. My lost daughter.

I was immediately embarrassed when Bella had to remind me that she was till human and my hug was too tight. I heard another truck pull up outside, but I was too engrossed in seeing Bella to register the scent. Carlisle pulled me back into his arms as Jasper walked in the door, searching the room until his eyes landed on Bella. I don't think I have ever seen that particular smile on Jasper in the almost 50 years he has been a part of our family.

EMPOV

Jasper had texted me that he was on his way. I decided not to tell anyone. Not even Rosie. I knew I would probably have hell to pay later if she asked me if I knew, but I didn't care.

I had watched Jasper over the past year grow to care about Bella. From the moment she saw him at the house in Forks last year, I had a feeling about those two. Yeah I know, most people discount me as the goof and oaf of the family. But seriously people, I have a brain. I just rather use it to create pranks and jokes than be so serious about life all the time. We have eternity to be serious, pranks are a nice ice breaker every now and then.

Anyways, when I saw the look in Bella's eyes when she saw him, I couldn't help but wonder if she had been with the wrong family member. The way they interacted flawlessly reminded me of Rosie and I. Two peas in the same pod. Even when she told us she was leaving, I knew it wasn't going to be forever. I had gotten my sister back and our relationship was stronger than ever now, so now it was time to work on getting our family back together.

There was a time when I was worried that we had lost Bella. She took so long to contact us after Forks. But once she did, I was relentless about going to see her at college. She never offered or acknowledged my requests. When I had pouted to Rosie one too many times, she said she would arrange it. And she did. Not many people can actually say no to my Rosie, human or immortal.

Even though we were only in Pennsylvania a short time, I could see how much Bella had changed. She was stronger, more confident, sexier. But not in a gross way. She had gained back a lot of the weight she lost when we left and with her different hair style; she just looked more mature and more beautiful. I was so proud at that point to call her my sister since she had fought all by herself to get to this point.

Esme's reaction just about had me on the floor busting a gut. No one and I mean NO ONE had every had to remind Esme to moderate her strength. For once, I wasn't getting yelled at. It was priceless. While she was hugging Bella, I heard Jasper's truck pull up and smiled to myself. Let's see if I was right.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 16

JPOV

I texted Emmett and let him know I was on the way, and then only stopped for gas for the rest of the trip. I couldn't wait to see Bella.

Finally, I arrived at the driveway, and I could smell the general beginnings of her scent, the one that reminded me of springtime. I sighed and while a general sense of well being came over me, I was slightly nervous. There was no putting off my story this time. I knew she would want to hear it. I had to prepare myself for the usual feelings of disgust, revulsion and fright that went along with knowing what I was.

I pulled in next to Carlisle's Mercedes and got out of my truck. Grabbing the duffel bag out of my back seat, I threw it over my shoulder and tried to keep to a walking pace to get to the front door. I opened the door to the house and immediately scanned the room for Bella.

We both stood there staring at each other for a timeless minute as I saw Carlisle pull Esme back into his arms. The smile generated across my face of its own accord and I was lost in the beauty that was Bella.

She had gained her weight back, cut her hair and had developed curves in places that were just right for her petite frame. She was stunning, positively stunning. And staring. At me. And I hadn't said anything yet. Nice.

"B, good to see you again." I could hear her heart racing a mile a minute and felt her anxiousness seeping through my body. We had agreed that when we saw each other again, I would do my best not to use my gift on her. She had told me that Edward took so many choices away from her, she didn't want to compare me to him on that level. She did promise me though, that if she ever needed it, she would ask. So I stood in the doorway, feeling her anxiety. I could feel my feet carry me over to where she was standing next to Emmett.

Her eyes were shining, tears filling them. I could feel happiness coming through as I got closer to her. In this moment, I just needed to have her in my arms. I bent down, pulled her into me and felt her head snuggle against my chest. She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me with what I would guess was all her human strength; I could feel her tears beginning to get my shirt wet. I put my finger under her chin, so I could see her eyes. With my other hand, I wiped away some of the tears from her eyes, "What's with the tears B? Not happy to see me?" Trying to get a smile to cross her lips.

And as the smile did cross her lips, I had the sudden urge to kiss her. To forget any other person in the room and lower my head to hers, imagining what she tasted like, imagining what her body would feel like pressed against mine in a passionate manner.

Emmett being Emmett coughed, creating enough distraction for me to regain my composure and release Bella.

"Hey J, how are you doing? I thought you were hunting, I didn't think I would see you." My heart sank a little at her words; she didn't want me to be here. Her heart, which had started to quiet down, quickly picked its pace back up as she continued. "Sorry, that came out wrong, you know I'm happy to see you, but Em and Rose told me you normally hunt with Peter and Charlotte for a couple of weeks, so since you just left, I figured we would have missed each other. It wasn't really planned that I come visit."

"Well Bella, why don't you tell us what did bring you here this week?" Carlisle asked, I was curious as well. Bella had told me that she had a final on Monday and was going to take the week off to relax after that before beginning to get registered for her two summer school classes. But she had 2 weeks before she would begin them.

We get settled in the living room. Carlisle and Esme grabbed the love seat, Esme was still bouncing from have Bella here in the house. Happiness was seeping out of every rock hard bone in her little body. I chuckled as I thought of her replacing Alice as the family energizer bunny. Rose and Emmett were still lounging on the couch, Emmett with his head in Roses lap. I pulled Bella toward the recliner. Sitting down first, I pulled her right down on my lap. I blatantly ignored the feeling of curiosity shooting out of everyone else in the room. Everyone, that is, except Bella. I could feel her excitement, but most of all, I could feel a sense of contentment in her as she snuggled into my chest.

Emmett started telling everyone how Rose had basically told Bella they were coming for a visit and she didn't have an option to refuse or back out. Bella chimed in with Emmett being graceful on the dance floor at the country bar they went to Monday night. Rose continued with the tour of campus and the frat party, but Bella interrupted her stating she was just tired that night, so they left and that's when Bella apparently made a comment about needing a vacation. Emmett offered and so here she is. There seemed like something was left out of the story from Bella, a slight deception coming from her. I would ask her about it later. I gave her hip a small squeeze letting her know I was on to her.

"How long do you plan on staying B?" I asked, knowing my mind was busy planning things we could do while she was here.

"Not sure, I brought a couple of days worth of clothes, but really don't have any plans for a couple of weeks. Summer classes don't begin for another 2 ½ weeks. I can't believe I am seeing you all again. This is surreal. I mean, after Forks, I knew I would see you all eventually, but I have been so far removed from the supernatural world for the past year, I kinda forget certain things. The speed, strength, everything. It's just weird I guess. But in a good way." She hadn't let go my hand since we sat down. I had my right arm wrapped around her waist, but she had grabbed my left hand with both of hers and was squeezing it between hers. I only sensed a little nervousness still in her, and her heart rate had returned to its normal pattern. A small part of my mind noticed that her scent didn't trigger a full blown attack of my blood lust. I'd have to delve into that mystery later.

"Well, since you are here, and according to Emmett, in much need of a vacation, why don't we make some plans to do something?" I offered.

"Yeah that's a good idea. Hey do you mind if I lay down for a little bit? Between driving and all my exams, I need to recharge my batteries." I watched as she yawned through the last part of her statement.

"Jasper, I put Bella's stuff in your room, since you were going to be away this week. You can move it to the guest room if you want." Rose told me.

"No that'll be fine, she can stay there. I'll just shower in one of the other rooms; I'll only need to go in there to get some clothes." I stood up and offered my hand to Bella to take her upstairs. I felt a quick shot of sadness coming from her, but it was quickly gone, returning to her general sense of serenity that she had been exuding since we sat down.

Bella and I walked hand in hand up the stairs towards my room. I knew why Rose offered her my room, it was in the corner of the house, and Esme had removed some of the walls on both sides, replacing them with windows. They overlooked our property and in the morning, the sunrise was astonishingly gorgeous. I wanted to make sure at some point, Bella was awake during it, she would love it.

Bella grabbed her bag, went to my adjacent bathroom and changed into some cream colored lounging pants and a soft green tank top on. I was trying to stay busy grabbing some clothes so I wouldn't have to bother her while she was here, but was having a hard time keeping my eyes off her. I knew she would change in the past year or so since I have seen her. But I don't think I would have imagined this amount of change. She was no longer the naïve girl that Edward brought into our lives. She was no longer timid or lacking of self confidence. Not once downstairs did I get a sense of her former favorite emotion of unworthiness. We had talked about all this during our coversations. But no, leave it to Bella to not tell me about the physical changes she experienced.

I mentally slapped my forehead with my hand, right, like what would she say. "Oh hey J, just to let you know, I have a set of rocking hips now, my boobs have gotten bigger and would probably fit in the palm of your hand perfectly now." Personality changes or not, I couldn't see Bella having that conversation with me. Ever.

"What you thinking about over there J? I hope I didn't interrupt your hunting trip with Peter and Charlotte. Why did you come home anyways? You were looking forward to the trip for weeks." She walked over to the bed and climbed on, leaning back against the headboard with her knees up and her arms wrapped around them. There was a little nervousness coming off her, but not too much.

"Peter" It would be the only answer I would give her. I had told her about Peter telling me I had to let her go, giving her the background on Peter and I's relationship in brief areas. Never revealing too much information about it but enough so that she understood what he was like. She nodded her head and laughed.

"Got it. No further explanation necessary. I should have known though. You know if I ever meet him, I think I might have to smack him upside the head for all the crap that you have had to endure from him. If I didn't know how much you guys mean to each other, I would think it is his life's work to torture you." She flipped her head a little bit and her Springtime scent filled my room completely. Again I noticed there was hardly any lust her for blood.

"Why don't you lay down for a bit. You said you were tired, but here I am trying to talk your ear off. We have time." I grabbed a blanket for her. Handing it to her, she had a questioning look on her face, biting that bottom lip of hers, curiosity rolling off her in waves.

"What do you want B?" Looking at her with one eyebrow cocked.

"God, it's gonna take me a while getting used to being around you guys again. I think I like the email and phone thing. You read me too easily."

"Sorry, but your face gave it away before your emotions did. What can I do for you beautiful?" It slipped out before I could change it to a different word. We didn't have that kind of relationship, but she didn't seem to mind it. I sat at the edge of the bed, looking over at her big brown eyes, getting lost in them almost instantly.

"You know you'll have to tell me this weekend. You know that, right J?" Again, there was no further explanation needed. I knew what she meant. My past. I got up off the bed, walked over to the window, leaving my back to her.

"I know. I will. Not today, ok. I'm just happy to see you again. I'll tell you tomorrow." Even I could hear the sadness in my voice.

Bella pulled herself up from the bed and walked over to the where I was standing. "Hey, what's wrong? Come on, talk to me. We talk about everything." She wrapped her arms around my waist, with her chest pressed into my back. It was comforting. That's all she was emanating too, was the willingness to provide me comfort.

"Bella, lay down. We'll talk later. I promise. I know I told you I would tell you my story and I will keep my word." I had taken on my more military stance, in both tone and attitude. Withdrawing my emotions from the situation. Bella was my best friend. I owed it to her to tell her my story, but it didn't mean I had to like it.

I could feel her recoil from me, both physically and emotionally. Most likely hurt by my actions just now. She went over the bed, laid down, pulled the blanket over her small frame and closed her eyes. In the next breath, before I could leave, I heard her say

"It's not going to change how I feel about you J, I'll still love you." There was complete and utter acceptance coming from her. And love.

I didn't respond, just sped out of the room, suddenly needing to tear up some trees, ashamed at my behavior and how I harshly spoke to her.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 17

BPOV

He was walking toward me. His eyes never leaving mine. I could feel the tears welling up inside my eyes before he even reached me. The next thing I knew, we were engulfed in the best hug of my life. He was here. He, who went from the brother I never knew to the protector I didn't know I had to the best friend anyone could ask for. There was no awkwardness, no clumsiness (on my part), just acceptance and relief. It had been just too long since I had seen his face.

We sat down and Jasper automatically pulled me onto his lap. I'm sure the rest of the family were perplexed by this action, but to me it seemed normal. I couldn't explain how, but it did. I knew that I was right were I was supposed to be. I was at home in his arms. After recounting how I ended up at the family's house for the week, I interrupted Rose just as I thought she was going to tell everyone about Joe and his girlfriend. Jasper tapped me on the hip and raised his eyebrow, so I knew he knew that I was leaving something out. I'd tell him later.

I didn't think Carlisle and Esme needed to know that part of my life. It was bad enough that Emmett and Rose knew the truth. But Jasper would know, soon enough.

Starting to feel tired, I excused myself to lay down, glad to hear that Jasper didn't want me to move to another room. I had seen the view from his room, I didn't know which way it faced, but I was guessing the sunset or sunrise were going to be fantastic from it. Once we got to his room, I quickly changed into some lounge clothes and hopped onto J's bed. The first thing I thought of when I saw him, after the shock rolled out of me, was curiosity. I was here, with Jasper. He could finally tell me his story.

His reaction when I asked him about it was a complete turnaround from what I knew. We had talked about everything. Or so I had thought. But the Jasper standing in front of me right now is not the one that I know. This one is very clinical, cold. I pulled back and got on the bed. Closing my eyes, I knew he was still in the room when I said, "It's not going to change how I feel about you J, I'll still love you". I felt a quick flash of a breeze and knew he had left.

The old me would be all mushy and crying right now, blaming herself for doing something wrong. The new me was more concerned that Jaspers past was worse than I thought. I had done nothing wrong and wouldn't take the blame for Jasper being worried right now. He would talk when he was ready, but I wouldn't ask about it again. But the cold, clinical Jasper could go right out the window if you ask me. Whatever he did I hoped he had come to terms with it. It didn't do anyone any good to hold onto sins of ones past, especially if you had changed for the better.

I woke up feeling much more refreshed, but for a moment, slightly lost as to where I was. It took me a second to remember I was at the Cullens. Shaking my head, I laughed that I had forgotten I was in a house full of vampires. Wow, times really had changed for me.

I went into the bathroom to survey the damage my nap did, groaned and pulled out my hairbrush and toothbrush. Attempting to make myself look somewhat presentable. I walked downstairs to find Carlisle and Emmett relaxing and playing a serious game of Chess. I guess things changed for them while I was gone too. "Emmett, you play chess?"

"Yes Bells, I play chess. Carlisle likes playing with me because it's fair. The other "gifted children" cheat, so him and I like to play as the game is more evenly skilled. Smart-ass-sister-o'mine, why do you seem so shocked?"

I chuckled at him, walking over to the game board and hugged my lump of a brother. Kissing his forehead I asked, "How did you know I was shocked?"

"Bells, I don't need to be Jasper to read people. It's written all over your face."

Looking around, I heard Esme and Rose in the kitchen area, but didn't see Jasper anywhere. "Where is J anyway? I kinda expected him to be around when I woke up."

Carlisle and Emmett looked at each other and then back at me. Rose glided in from the kitchen and answered for them, "He was upset Bella. He didn't like snapping at you, so he went for a run. I imagine he'll be home soon. Are you hungry?"

Thinking about that for a second, I didn't blame him for being upset. We had never really had cross words with each other before. Sure, differences of opinions, but nothing that we couldn't work past. Before I fell asleep, I had decided I wasn't going to badger him about it anymore. But he didn't know that. Damn it all, now I felt guilty.

"No, I'm good. If you already made something, just wrap it up please. I'll reheat it when I get hungry. I'm gonna sit outside for a little bit and enjoy the weather. OK?"

"Sure, I'll join you, if you don't mind." Esme answered from the kitchen. I figured she wanted to ask me some questions, since I hadn't seen her in so long, might as well get the inquisition over with.

The sun was beginning to set over the back of the house. I looked around the back of the house, trying to get my bearings, realizing that Jasper's room faced the other way. I would be able to see the sunrise. If I woke in time.

Esme's skin sparkled in the afternoon sun as she sat down next to me on the lounge chairs. It was a perfect late spring day.

"Bella, I hope the others have told you how sorry we are for how the break up with Edward went. We had no reason not to believe him when he said you understood why we were leaving and agreed with the family's decision."

Shaking my head I told her the same thing I told the others. "Esme, when Rose and Em found me I still held a lot of anger towards everyone. But I'm past it. I've worked really hard to put my life in order and live it. It may not be how anyone else wanted me to live it, but it's how I want it. I'm done holding grudges for things that I can't control. Life, at least for me, is too short to hold grudges. I hope somewhere Edward has found the happiness that he couldn't find with me."

The pride showed through on her face as she realized exactly how much I have grown up since they last saw me. While my mother always told me I was a born 30 year old, I think with the one look from Esme about what I just said, I realized she was right. I am a lot more mature than most people my age. But then again, most people my age have not had to deal with supernatural beings for the past almost 2-3 years.

"Does not holding grudges apply to all the vampires in your life, like the ones that say stupid things to their best friends?" A deep voice came from behind me. Jasper was back.

I smiled, but didn't turn around yet, "Maybe, if said vampire promises not to be a jack ass again while I am here."

Jasper walked over to where Esme and I were sitting. Esme got up and excused herself and Jasper took her seat. Seeing Jasper in the setting sunlight was amazing. His shirt was long sleeved, but the arms were pushed up slightly. His forearms were muscular so the shirt sleeve wouldn't go up to far, but enough that I could see a different texture on his skin than on Esme's or Edwards. I looked up at his face with a smile at the same time that I reached for his hand, holding it within mine.

"Hey, good run?"

"Yeah, sorry I was an ass. I knew your question was coming, I just didn't expect it to be one of the first things you said."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the chair and shrugged my shoulders, "Can't blame a girl for asking, but don't worry. Before I fell asleep I decided I won't badger you about it again. If you tell me, you tell me. If you don't, you don't. But I was serious about what I said before you left. It won't change a thing about how I feel about you."

He didn't say anything. I wasn't even sure what his reaction was, but I imagine he was testing my emotions to see if there was any deception to what I had said. He wouldn't find any. So I continued, "So what would you like to do while I am here? Got any clubs we can go to? I don't dance well, but I do like going out now. My friend Abby's sister is a dead ringer for me, so she gave me her ID."

I heard Emmett inside, reminding me that I told him I would get drunk for him. I had opened my eyes by now and Jasper was still staring at me, but silently laughing. I think he thought the idea of 'drunk Bella' would be funny so we made plans to go out that night to a place the three of them had been to before.

Esme and Rose had made me some Chicken Stir Fry which I reheated shortly after speaking with Jasper. I then went upstairs to shower and change when Rose asked me if I needed any help getting ready. I thanked her, but said no. I was going to wear my hair pulled back tonight, so I was good.

I took my time showering, knowing I needed to process everything that happened today. This would be the easiest place to do it. First of all seeing Carlisle and Esme. Fine with it. No hard feelings, no anxiety, no guilt. Check. Seeing Jasper. Felt like being home. We had spent so many hours speaking over the past year, I missed my best friend. My memory really didn't do Jasper justice though. He was beyond gorgeous, sexy, strong. His smile was breathtaking, those lips...I imagined again, what it would be like to kiss him. UGH I needed to stop this. Jasper is my best friend. Jasper is my best friend. Jasper is my best **friend**. _Yeah right, like that's gonna work, I wonder what it would be like to shower __**with**__ Jasper.._ I decided to skip over any other revelations that need to be made in the shower and finish up and get out. This wasn't helping.

I finished getting ready, heading into the bathroom one last time to survey my outfit. I didn't bring a lot of clothes, so my choices were limited. But I had thought to grab my favorite black jeans that were the low rise kind with a silver halter top and my black ballet flats. Comfort at its best. I headed downstairs, turning the corner into the living room when I saw Jasper standing there in front of me, his smile taking over every part of his face. Lighting up even his eyes. He looked perfect. Faded jeans like the pair he had on earlier, Black button down shirt, untucked with the cuffs turned up and a pair of cowboy boots. His hair was tousled and wavy against his face. He was staring at me as much as I was staring at him, I realized I got lost in his eyes. Emmett finally coughed again, pulling both of us from what was turning into a strange sort of staring contest I knew I couldn't win. _Jasper is my best __**friend**__. Yeah, good luck with that thought!_


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Don't own**

Chapter 18

BPOV

The club we went to was fantastic. It had two different sides, one country line dancing, the other more of a sports bar feel. After having watched Emmett and Rose in PA, I figured we would probably spend most of our time on the country side. I wasn't too good at line dancing, but Jasper was, so he was helping me. There were a couple of slow songs played that Rose and Em danced to. Jasper offered, but I wasn't sure that was a good idea, so I declined stating my feet needed to rest. The real reason was every time Jasper touched me; I went weak in the knees. He would stand next to me, holding my hand and helping me with the steps. Or when we left the dance floor and his hand was at the small of my back. The worst of it, or best I guess the way you look at it, was when a small fight broke out near to where we were standing and Jasper pulled me against his chest to protect me. I found that I was having a very hard time controlling my emotions. I couldn't shake the idea that throughout the course of our friendship, I had developed strong feelings for him.

I had to rein this in. And I had to rein it in quickly. I could feel myself blushing more and more around him, especially when I caught him staring at me and smiling. This wouldn't be good. I tried repeating my shower mantra to myself. _Jasper is my best friend._ But it wasn't helping. Emmett was getting pissed at me because I only had 2 drinks, but I couldn't afford to lose my inhibitions now. I finally had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, just so I could have a moment to think.

Rose followed me in a couple of moments later. "What's wrong Bella? Jasper wanted me to check on you, he said your emotions were all over the place and he wasn't sure what was going on. Are you ok?"

"Fine Rose, I'll be out in a minute"

We had grown closer over the past year, Rose was probably right behind Jasper in people I considered my friends, but even Rose wouldn't understand this and really wouldn't appreciate the fact that I was falling for ANOTHER vampire. And the worse part of it was I didn't understand it either. Jasper and I spoke about everything for over a year. If I had feelings for him, they surely would have shown themselves prior to this weekend. I can't be shallow enough that I had to be reminded of how good looking he was. _No, you just needed to see him to start to accept it. _

Looking at herself in the mirror, Rose glared at me, "do you think I am stupid Bella?"

I knew I looked shocked at her question, I could feel my mouth hanging open and eyes almost popping out of my head. "No, what do you mean, of course you aren't stupid Rose, what are you talking about?"

"You know Bella, since we became friends, I've been so happy to see you living your life, but more importantly I was happy that you were Jasper's friend. I see how much you care about him. And I know how much he cares about you. Don't stop yourself because you are too caught up in overthinking things. Sometimes you just have to see what is right in front of you." She finished looking in the mirror, turned and grabbed me by the shoulders, "When you figure out what you want, don't take the long way in getting there." She turned and walked out the bathroom door.

Well, that didn't help me at all. Was she trying to tell me to go for it with Jasper? Was I that easy to read? Or was she trying to tell me to stop feeling this way and wake up?

I returned to our table to find another round of drinks waiting for me. I slowly started sipping my third beer when arms slid around my waist from behind. "Hey you ok? What was going on with you? Happy, nervous, anxious, longing? Quite the emotional cocktail you gave me back there." His head leaning down over my shoulders, I rested my arms over his and laid my head on his chest. His scent was more intoxicating than the beer I was drinking and I swear it was getting me drunk. I needed to clear my head and put some space between us before I did something I would regret. Rose and Em were on the dance floor still and looking very cozy. I suggested to Jasper that maybe we go to the other side; nothing says lack of romance like a sports bar. I should be safer over there.

Again with the hand on the small of my back. I was feeling that in my little toe it felt so good, the tingles were everywhere. Space, I needed space. Settling down at the bar, I got myself a glass of water, Jasper was staring at me, waiting for something. "Are you going to answer my question B?"

"What question?"

"About the emotional cocktail you gave me. What's going on?"

Apparently my brain and my mouth decided not to work together for the rest of the night. "Have you thought about what it would be like to start developing feelings for someone else, you know since Alice?" I had been looking at my glass of water, but as the statement finished, I was staring at him, watching his response. He was very controlled, a hint of a smile started on his face and he leaned closer to me. I could automatically feel the heat rising to my cheeks.

"Why?" his breath blowing across my face, flooding me with his scent. I almost lost consciousness for a moment.

"Stop dazzling me J. It's hard enough trying to answer your question without your vampire skills trying to affect me" I laughed while I playfully hit him on the chest.

"Didn't realize I had it in me, did you? But to answer your question, yeah I have thought about it. Recently." His eyes were soft honey, but I noticed that the pupils were dilated a bit and more black was shining through.

"Do you need to hunt? Your eyes are getting blacker by the second." I didn't think Jasper would need to hunt so soon, I figured he grabbed a bite when he went out for his run.

My question must have startled him cuz he shook his head and took a deep breath. "No I'm fine. Listen, why don't we grab Em and Rose and head out of here, you're probably getting tired." He stood up from his bar stool, grabbed my hand and we headed back to the other side of the place to get them. What the fuck just happened here?

He kept staring at me out of the corner of his eyes as we held hands to go get the others. The car ride home was a little more relaxing, Rose and I were in the back seat, Em driving and Jasper riding shotgun. I felt Rose's eyes on me and when I looked, she gave me a questioning glance as her eyes moved back and forth between me and Jasper. I didn't want to have this conversation right now, so I just rolled my eyes, closed them and put my head back to rest.

I must have fallen asleep on the way home, because the next thing I knew I was being woken up by Jasper.

"B, come on, wakey wakey. I want you to see this." His hand was pulling the hair away from my face, caressing my cheekbones.

"Mmm, sleep. Later."

"Nope, now. Come on, I want to show you something. And I want to tell you my story." His voice whispered quietly, full of something I can only describe as anxious hesitancy.

With that comment, I shot my eyes open. I took in my surrounds for a second, I was on J's bed, in my PJ's, and it was still dark outside.

"Why is it still dark out?" I asked, trying to keep the anticipation out of my voice, but dying to actually hear his history. A small part of me wondered what changed that all of a sudden he was willing to share it with me.

"Because it's almost time for the sun to rise and I wanted you watch it with me. My room has a great view, or we can go up on the roof to watch it? Wherever you want." I could hear the nervousness in his voice. He was sitting on the bed, leaning over me, his breath doing that 'almost loosing consciousness' thing on me again. I was momentarily grateful that I was still in bed, laying down.

"Let's go to the roof." I answered his question, closing my eyes, mainly to try and not get dazzled by my best friend who let's face it, I was falling for.

"Give me a minute." I headed into the bathroom for a human moment, brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back in a ponytail, before heading back out to see Jasper. His back was to me again and for a brief moment I was thinking I would have to deal with the cold and clinical guy that spoke to me yesterday. He turned around when he knew I was back in the room and smiled. I let out my breath, thankful to still have my J with me.

"Ready?" he asked. While his tone wasn't clinical, I could tell that he was serious. More serious than I ever heard him talk about anything.

"Yep. You carrying me up there, or do you have stairs?" He had a blanket in his arms and grabbed a pillow off the bed before walking over to me holding his arm out to me. I grabbed it automatically and he helped me on his back. We stepped out to the small patio outside his window, he turned and in half a second we were up on the roof.

The view, while similar to J's room, was also drastically different. He helped me slide off his back and I turned around to see the entire landscape ahead of me, while still dark, I could tell there were trees filling the scenery for as far as my eyes could see. I could only imagine what Fall would look like here. I bet it was beautiful.

He walked over to near the edge of the roof. It was a small area that was flat, safe for sitting on. Especially with one of us being a human. He sat down, spread his long legs, pulled the blanket out and laid it down between his legs and put the pillow on his chest. "Your roof top bed awaits." Obviously trying to lighten the mood a little. I was trying hard to control my emotions around him. I could tell that whatever he was going to tell me was serious, and I didn't want my anxiousness to bother him. I took a deep breath and sat down. I leaned back on him, but was very uncomfortable. Sitting up, I turned around and pulled the pillow out and then leaned back again. "AAH, much better. It's so beautiful up here, so peaceful. I'm surprised you don't sit up here every morning."

His arms automatically wrapped around me, similar to how he did last night at the bar. I was suddenly very thankful I didn't drink a lot I wouldn't have wanted a hangover for this moment. Then I wondered where the others were. I hadn't heard them downstairs.

"I asked the others to give us some time." Answering my unasked question. " They'll be back later. But they know my history and don't need to hear it again. Plus, I wanted to give you a chance to adjust to it once you have heard it, I'm sure you will have questions." His tone just breathed sadness.

I rubbed his arms suddenly noticing that the texture I saw yesterday on the patio followed all the way up to his elbows. It was like ridges every couple of inches and they were only a couple of inches long. I couldn't see very well yet since the sunrise hadn't really produced enough light. For a second I stopped rubbing his arms and felt the scar on my wrist. Closing my eyes, I tried to feel if they felt the same.

"Yes, B. That's what they are." Again, answering what I hadn't asked. "The story is quite long, but I will answer any questions that you have. I will try not to use my power on you. I know we spoke about it, but if I feel you getting really upset, do I have your permission to help you calm down?"

His arms momentarily tightened around my waist. My heart was beating so loud, I was surprised I could still hear him. I nodded and took a couple of deep breaths trying to settle myself. Once I had gotten a hold of myself again, I sighed and began rubbing J's arms again. He began his story while we watched the sky start to change colors and lighten.

I listened to every word he said. I had promised myself I wouldn't interrupt once he started. My heart broke. The sadness I felt when Edward left was a single drop of water in the Atlantic Ocean compared to how I felt about Jasper's upbringing in this world. How she used him and his talent, manipulating him, depriving him and subjecting him to the constant life of war. How he learned to shut everything down and work within his 'major' persona to just get by day after day. How his friendship with Peter grew. How he suffered when she found out he allowed Peter and Charlotte to leave. The pain of the victims he had to endure, silently.

His first sliver of hope when his two friends returned to save him. His constant struggle to try and live without killing, only to have to survive and then dive right back into the depression associated with his victim's emotions. How alone he felt when he had to leave them again, too depressed to feed anymore from humans but knowing no other way to survive.

Finding Alice in Philadelphia. The hope he had again, only the second time in this life of his, that maybe there was another way to survive. His struggles to adapt. Given the 75 years or more of 'living off the good stuff'. Entering the Cullen's family and for the first time feeling positive emotions.

Me entering their life. He admitted to wanting to kill me the day of my accident with the van, just so the environment he was in wouldn't change. Our trip to Phoenix. His realization that he needed to protect me at all costs. He retold me the story of killing Victoria and finished with the party.

Most of the last part of the conversation I knew, but it seemed like he had to tell me again as part of his history, so I sat in silence. His tone was less cold than yesterday's person, but still very robotic. I now realized he was trying to detach himself from the story to be able to get through it.

We watched the sun rise against the mountains and trees. A promise of a new beginning I thought. When he was done, I didn't say anything. I sat there absorbing everything I just heard. I couldn't help the 'emotional cocktail' I was giving Jasper at this point. Remembering everything he told me, I could feel myself going from sadness-anger-remorse-agitation-utter hatred-loss-acceptance-hope-friendship-love and back through it again, cycling. I was probably making him dizzy.

I don't know how long I sat there and thought about it all. He never interrupted me. He never adjusted his arms. He never breathed. He just let me work through it all on my own time. Somehow my thoughts drifted from his story, to our story. I thought about how Jasper had tried to live a better life in spite of what his past is. How our friendship has developed so much different than my relationship with Edward. How, since I have been here, back with him, I have felt more alive and at home than anywhere or any other time in my life. I thought about yesterday afternoon, sitting on J's lap, feeling so peaceful, the desire to comfort him in his bedroom yesterday, the 'other' desire I felt for him last night.

I thought about Rose's words from the bathroom last night 'When you figure out what you want, don't take the long way in getting there.' Part of me was scared to god I was making a huge mistake, the other part of me braving out what I decided to do telling me to suck it up.

I started to lean forward; Jasper realized what I wanted and immediately withdrew his arms from me. I turned around to face him and sat back down on my knees. This was the first time since the story began that I had seen him. His eyes were full of questions as he looked at me. Trying to figure out how to best say this, I pulled the hair from his face with both my hands, leaned forward and whispered "I told you yesterday it wouldn't make a difference on how I feel about you J… I love you."

I licked my lips, leaned over and softly kissed him.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 19

JPOV

After I breezed out of my room, leaving Bella to her nap, I was ashamed at myself. I went downstairs and told everyone I was going for a run. Rose followed me for a couple of minutes asking me to wait. When I turned around, the look on her face was of pure concern.

"What happened Jasper?"

"Nothing Rose, mind your own business." Great, now I am snapping at her too. What the fuck is wrong with me? I should be happy that Bella is here and within a short time I snap at her and now I am doing the same thing to Rose. "Sorry, Bella has.. never heard my story. Peter told me you guys were going to see her and I got home as soon as I could, I just couldn't wait to see her. When I took her upstairs to lay down, she reminded me that I would need to tell her this week. I just don't want to lose her when she hears the truth."

"Aah" Rose was leaning against a tree just inside the forest line. Her blond hair slightly blowing in the wind and for a brief second I was reminded of Edward's smugness.

"Channeling your inner Edward, Rose?" I chided. "What do you think you know that is making you all smug?"

"Jasper, I don't need to read minds to see what is in front of me. Unlike some people."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think is going to happen when Bella hears your story? The girl has heard all of our other ones and accepted them all, no questions. Why would yours be any different? Especially with how close you guys are."

"Rose, you know none of you had the same upbringing in this life like I had. What if she can't accept it? What if she's disgusted by me? It took me a long time to come to terms with what I did, but it doesn't make it any easier having to tell the person I lo….care about."

"Don't think I didn't catch that Jasper. You may not realize it right now, or maybe you just don't want to admit it to yourself, but your feelings for Bella have changed. And I think so have hers. Just be honest with her. If she cares about you as much as I think she does, your past will only matter because it was a part of who you are today, but it doesn't define who you are. And you are no longer Maria's major, but you are a strong fighter who protects the people he loves." With that statement, she just turned around and left. Leaving me to tear some trees up, getting some frustration out while Bella napped.

Was Rose right? Since Bella has been in our lives, I needed to protect her. But since we became friends, best friends, there has been a different need. We both have changed over the past year. Especially her. She has become the strong, independent young woman that can make up her own mind and speak it without fear of being scolded like a small child. She is stunningly beautiful. She makes me laugh. There is no judgement from her when we talk. Well hopefully after she hears the truth, she'll be able to accept it.

I had come to terms with my past, just like I told Rose. My time with Maria, while vile and disgusting, made me who I was, or I guess you can say, who I wasn't. I didn't want to be the killer she created, so I changed. I didn't want to spend my eternal life fighting, so I left. I didn't want to drink from humans, so I found another way. Well Alice helped me on that one, but I'm still sticking with it. The one good thing I got from Maria, the ONLY good thing I got from Maria was my relationship with Peter and Charlotte. Doesn't mean I still wouldn't kill the bitch if I ever saw her again. She just deserves it.

But I almost told Rose I loved Bella. Do I love Bella? I sat down on the forest floor with my knees up, arms slung over the top of them and my head hung down; going over ever conversation that Bella and I have had since we became friends. When my relationship with Alice started it was "bam, we are together", but my relationship with Bella grew over time. There was no pressure from either of us to change the other, determine what was best for the other. We just allowed each other into our lives and each of our lives became better because of it.

And my life was better with Bella in it. I was so happy to see her today I just wanted to have her in my arms, kiss her, take her to my room and make love to her for the rest of my life. Her eyes delved into the best part of my soul, releasing more love than I had thought possible and returning it all to her.

Yeah, I have fallen in love with Bella. Now what do I do? Beside apologize for being a jack ass to her before.

I head back to the house and find her sitting on the deck with Esme. After Esme excused herself, I did apologize. Bella being Bella just shrugs it off. She doesn't put pressure on me to answer her question. She's giving me time to gain my courage to tell her. Her acceptance and love pouring out of her towards me in undiluted measures, but what kind of love is it?

After making plans for the club and getting ready, Emmett and I are waiting downstairs for the girls. When she comes downstairs, I am blown away by her. Her jeans hug the curves of her hips in just the right way. _Those hips would look great with your hands on them gliding them up and down your…_

OK. Need to stop that line of thinking. I will not go out with a raging hard on because I can't control my own thoughts. I reached over to Bella to grab her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, telling her how nice she looks.

We spent the night dancing. The more time I spent with Bella, the harder I found it to keep my hands off of her. Whether we were just practicing line dancing or walking through the bar, I had to have some sort of physical contact with her. Sporadically I would get a shot of nervousness from her as we did a new dance move or if I turned her a certain way. A small disagreement broke out over who was going to pay a bill and when I grabbed Bella to keep her from getting a beer bottle to her head, I got a huge dose of longing come from her. Huh?

She went to the bathroom, and I shot Rose a look to please follow. While they were in the bathroom Emmett cornered me. "I knew it. I knew you liked Bella. Dude, just don't fuck with her like Edward did. But I don't think you will. I don't think you can."

Rolling my eyes, I am beginning to wonder why everyone in my life speaks to me in riddles. "Em, I'm not going to 'fuck with her'" _wouldn't mind fucking her though_. "And what do you mean, you don't think I can or will treat her like Edward. You know me better than that anyways. Don't compare me to him."

"You know what I mean. I'm not comparing you to him, I just don't want to see her hurt. We saw how he left her, but I don't think you can. I don't think you could leave her."

"Em, what do you mean?" I pulled my hand through my hair in sheer frustration. Of course I wouldn't hurt Bella. We, well there wasn't a 'we' yet, but if we became a 'we', would work through problems together. I wouldn't treat her like a china doll. "Why do you keep saying "I can't 'fuck' with her or I can't leave her?"

A Cheshire cat grin grew across his face and then Rose came back to the table, effectively ending the conversation. Bella returned a minute later, her emotions were calmer, but still cycling back and forth between nervousness and lust. LUST? Where did the lust come from? Did she meet someone on the way to the bathroom?

She suggested we go to the other side and when we sat at the bar I reminded her that she hadn't answered my question about the emotional cocktail. Her response back to me gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, she would accept my past and share my feelings. I could feel my eyes getting darker as part of my brain that is just typical male is figuring out all the different positions I would like to get her in, imaging what she would look like when I made her cum.

"Do you need to hunt? Your eyes are getting blacker by the second." She asked. It was enough to shake me back from my lusty day dream. I breathed in her luscious springtime scent and suggested we leave. On the way home she slept. I brought her upstairs and she half woke, enough to get changed and brush her teeth and climbed back into bed. "Good night J, love you." She slurred as she drifted off into her sleep. I smiled.

Downstairs I spent the rest of the night deciding what to do. Carlisle and Esme were somewhat cautious, obviously concerned about Edward's feelings. Rose and Emmett had watched my relationship with Bella grow and saw the differences in both of us. I think they were more supportive about the possibility of 'Bella and Jasper' together. While I respected Carlisle and Esme and would be eternally grateful for everything they have done for me, I didn't care either way if they were approving or not. I certainly didn't care about Edward's feelings. They never felt the possessiveness from him that I did, concerning Bella. I would hate to leave, but if there was a small chance that Bella would be happy being with me and we didn't have Carlisle and Esme's approval, then I would leave.

I knew what I had to do, I had to tell her the story. My past. And it had to be today. When I was done, assuming she hadn't run off to the hills, I would tell her how I felt and go from there.

It was almost time for the sun to rise. I asked the others if they would mind giving Bella and I some privacy while I told her my past. Carlisle and Esme decided to go hunting, Rose and Emmett were spouting off something about "getting back to nature".

As I woke Bella up, I could almost feel butterflies in my stomach. Saying a silent prayer to God that she wouldn't hate me, I got her to open her eyes when I told her I was finally going to tell her my past.

Damn those eyes shot open like a bullet out of a gun. Anxious much Bella? I would have laughed if any part of the upcoming story was funny, but I just gave her a small smile. She looked so much like an angel laying in bed, I leaned over and breathed her scent, staring deeply into her eyes. I got lost in her chocolate eyes for a moment. By her breathing, she got lost in me as well. She looked a little faint.

She picked the roof to watch the sunset and as we got settled on the platform I felt her anticipation and resolve. She didn't want the pillow, rather cuddling up into my chest directly. I could feel the heat coming off her body, making my cold one seem slightly warmer. I couldn't help but smile as I hoped it would still be like this after she knew. I took a deep breath, trying to gauge her emotions and grab a large amount of her scent. Since she arrived, I had noticed but never really thought about how her scent has such a calming effect on me.

She realized what my scars were before I even started my story, comparing mine to her singular one on her wrist. I could see the beginnings of the sunrise, off in the distant, strains of red, orange and yellow began to blend together across the horizon. It was time to begin.

I shared it all with Bella. The fear I had upon awakening to this life. My horrible life with Maria and what I had to do. The killings, training, wars, and fighting. The relentless fighting for more territory. How feeling my victims emotions threw me into a trance like state, developing who Peter likes to refer to as "the MAJOR". Finding out about Charlotte, letting her and Peter go to give them a chance. Having just a small sliver of hope as they returned, only to be pulled back into depression because of my 'gift'. I couldn't figure out a way to stay alive and not feed off humans. But feeding off humans was slowly killing me. The diner. Alice. Hope, for the second time in my life. The struggles to become a vegetarian. My slips, Bella's entrance in our life. Wanting to kill her after the van accident. Realizing I could only ever protect her and finishing with her birthday party.

She never said a word. Her emotions were so level, I would have thought she fell back asleep if it wasn't for the small figure 8's she was drawing on my arms with her fingertips. She sat there through the whole thing. When I finished there was still no sound out of Bella except her breathing, which remained even and constant. Her heartbeat never sped during my story.

The next hour was the same, her emotions started throwing off a cycle of every possible variance I could think of, anger to love, remorse to utter hatred and everything in between. I couldn't have guess what she was going to say if I tried. She leaned forward and I broke my arms apart to allow her to move. If my heart could beat, it would be pounding right out of my chest right now.

She turned around and sat back on her knees, staring into my eyes. I felt resolve from her and love, an enormous amount of love poured out of her. She leaned over me, pulled my hair away from my face with her two small hands, never breaking eye contact with me.

"I told you yesterday it wouldn't make a difference on how I feel about you J…I love you." And then I felt it. Like no love I have felt before. The love that Alice and I shared paled in comparison to what I was getting from Bella. It was as strong as how I feel about her. I couldn't imagine a human being able to handle the intensity of this emotion. I would have thought it was too much for them to live with. But leave it to Bella to break all the rules on human feelings.

As I basked in the love I was getting from Bella, I realized she was leaning over to my face, softly kissing my lips. My arms instantly went around her, my left hand on her right hip, my right hand cupping her neck at her hairline, pulling her into me tighter. My lips responded of their own accord instantly. My tongue gliding across her lips as they parted. I could taste her scent on my tongue and again I was overcome by the amount of love I felt coming off her. The kiss was passionate, but gentle. This was a kiss with promise for more at another time. I would not let this turn into something neither of us had planned on.

As the kiss slowly ended, several small ones remained. I kissed every part of her lips, the tiny tip of her nose and her eyelids. I placed one more kiss along her lips and could feel a smile develop across my own. Her eyes fluttered open, heavy with emotion, staring back into mine. I could feel there was more black there than gold, the product of our kiss. I only hoped that I was interpreting her feelings properly.

"I love you too B. In fact, I think I have fallen in love with you." She smiled at me, closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against mine.

"J, I think I have been in love with you for a long time and just too stubborn to admit it. Your past doesn't scare me; I'm not going to run off." She adjusted herself so she was sitting more on my lap now, her arms surrounding my neck, mine at her waist. She put her head on my shoulder and was kissing my neck sweetly.

"I'm glad you told me." Kissing my neck.

"I'm glad you didn't run."

"Like you couldn't catch me if I ran." Licking my neck.

"Yeah, but the whole catch and keep the girl of my dreams as prisoner of love is too much of an overdone story. I wanted to try something different." Groaning.

So, how do you think the 'different' worked for you?" pulling my earlobe into her mouth and sucking. It took every ounce of self-control I have in over 140 years to NOT throw her on her back and pound my cock into her.

"Bella stop."

Rejection shot up at me instantly. She started to pull back immediately and I could feel her embarrassment mixed in with rejection shooting out every direction of her being.

"No, no, no, no, no, where do you think you are going?" I tightened my grip on her. She wasn't going anywhere without explaining this. "What's going on? Why are you feeling rejected?"

"You just told me to stop. Why wouldn't I feel rejected? Really? For having a perfect memory, you seem to forget that I had issues with Edward getting me all hot and bothered and then spouting off 'I can't, it's dangerous, and I'll hurt you'. Even you told me that you had sex with humans before. So now you are wondering why I am feeling rejected. Gee I wonder? Care to put 2 and 2 together?" Her embarrassment had turned to anger and resentment, her voice getting louder toward the end of her statement. Damn she's gorgeous when she's pissed. _Fuck, I bet angry sex would be great._

"Jump to conclusions much Bella? Relax, I wasn't rejecting you. I do remember what you told me about Edward. I remember every minute part of every conversation we have ever had. And if YOU remember, when I told you I had sex with human women before it was also when I was hunting humans, sort of a prelude to the feast so to speak. The reason why I told you to stop isn't because I am rejecting you, it's because the others are going to be back soon, I didn't think you wanted our first time together to be interrupted and I certainly didn't think you wanted everyone hearing you scream my name when I make you cum. Repeatedly. So if you would like to continue where you were, that's fine with me. I just wanted to give you a choice."

Her lust shot through the roof at that. I grabbed her neck again and pulled her into me, kissing her passionately and trying to send her as much of my desire as I could. My tongue slid across her lips commanding entrance and demanding a taste of her sweet nectar. Our tongues were dancing together, each demanding control of this. I could smell her arousal getting stronger as our kiss continued. She needed to breathe, so I trailed my lips down her neck, sucking at the spot just behind her ear. I heard a moan come from her. I followed her skin down to the heat of where her blood flowed, grazing my teeth gently across it. The monster in me demanding a taste, the man in me claiming this woman would never be a meal. The man won.

"Do you understand?"

"Yeah, sorry. Old habits die hard sometimes I guess." Her heart still trying to regain its normal rhythm, her lips swollen pink and her breathing erratic still as she tries to calm herself down.

"Well I guess that's one for each of us being a jack ass this week."

"We good?"

"Yeah, we're good. Always B." We snuggled up in the roof for another hour or so until Bella's stomach started growling. After gathering the blanket and pillow I picked her up, jumped back down to my balcony, kissing her again before I put her feet on the floor.

She excused herself to go to the bathroom while I thought over the past couple of hours. Couldn't have thought this is where I would be right now. But glad, very glad it is.

As I folded the blanket Bella was wrapped up in, I inhaled her scent, allowing it to flood all my senses and fill my entire being with calm. That's when I noticed it.

More scents that shouldn't be here right now.

One I was all too familiar with, one I was not.

Well, one missing child is home.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 20

JPOV

Bella came out of the bathroom just a moment later and looked at me. I knew I looked concerned, her response only confirming that.

"What's wrong?"

"We have visitors. There are two vampires coming right now. One is Alice, but I don't know who the other one is. I need you to stay right next to me the entire time, so I know you are safe. I don't know why she decided now to show her face and I don't know who she brought with her. Can you do that?"

Her nervousness spiked for a second, then happiness. Assuming it was because Alice was here, but who is the other vamp she brought with her? I could feel my back becoming ramrod straight. My military instincts kicking in. _Must protect our Bella. She cannot be hurt. Must protect our Bella._ She grabbed my handing, squeezing tightly as we walked downstairs.

Alice.

Alice?

Alice. Who never responded to any of my voicemails or texts about Bella. Who never would answer anyone else's question about whether or not she knew what Bella was going through, or that she tried to kill herself.

Alice flew through the door just as we got to the bottom of the steps and grabbed Bella, hugging her tightly. "Bella," she squeeked. "I've missed you so much. I'm so happy for you."

Following Alice was a man, shorter than me. His build was also similar to mine, not huge like Emmett. He stood maybe 5'10", brown spikey hair, very tan skin for an immortal and red eyes. Red eyes? Alice's mate is a human drinker? His emotions were calm although there was a slight anxiousness coming off him, I didn't get any sense of bloodlust right now.

"Alice, who is your friend?" I wondered.

She still had Bella in a lock tight hug. I hadn't released Bella's hand, not knowing what her friend was like. Bella didn't seem nervous and I knew Alice wouldn't hurt her, but I didn't like the idea that she brought a human drinker in the house with Bella here and not tell me about in advance.

"Oh Jazz relax. I'll introduce you all in a minute. I'm still hugging Bella. I'll answer all your questions when the others get here in 1 minute and 12 seconds."

I turned to the stranger standing before me, "I'm Jasper, and you are?"

He looked me square in the eye and responded, "Demetri." A slight hint of a European accent shining through. Demetri. Demetri? Wasn't there a Demetri that worked for the….

"Yes Jazz, Demetri is a member of the Volturi." Alice released Bella and slowly turned around, looking at me for the first time. I stared back at the woman who was a major part of my life for over fifty years trying to understand why she was with someone from the Volturi and what the heck was she doing with red eyes!?

I don't think Bella saw them yet, her emotions still on a high since Alice arrived. But I was stunned.

"Alice, would you mind explaining why you have red eyes?" I could feel myself pulling Bella towards me, desperate to get her away from the 2 human drinkers that are now in the house. Didn't make a difference one was Alice, I wasn't taking any chances._ Must protect our Bella. Our mate._

"Bella, go stand next to Jasper before he has a conniption fit." She stated. There was nothing but love and nervousness coming off her. Bella walked, standing as close to my side as she possibly could. I pushed her slightly behind me.

I could hear the rest of the family arriving. Emmett and Rose sped in first, Emmett already screaming "Alice, come here and give…." He halted and grabbed Rose immediately, stopping her as well. Either surprised from seeing Alice's red eyes or from seeing Demetri here I didn't know, but Emmett wasn't taking any chances with Rose's safety. And she could actually take care of herself.

Carlisle and Esme walked in seconds later. Recognizing Demetri from his time with the Volturi, Carlisle shook hands with the man, introducing Esme to him. He turned around and smiled softly at Alice. Hurt and disappointment shining through him as he saw her eyes, but I also felt some acceptance.

After a big sigh he asked everyone to please sit down. I hadn't moved yet. Bella tried pulling me towards the couch, but I gently pulled her back into my side, wrapping both my arms around her waist. I wouldn't risk her safety for anything. Former wife or not, Alice was not going near Bella and neither was Demetri.

"I told you to relax Jazz. Demetri and I are not going to hurt Bella, we aren't even thirsty. We ate yesterday on our way here. You know I wouldn't hurt Bella." She told me. There was no deception coming off her or Demetri, who hadn't said another word since his name.

I cautiously pulled Bella towards the couch, next to Emmett and Rose. I knew if anything happened, both of them would help me protect Bella with all they had. I could easily take both Alice and Demetri down if I needed to, but I didn't want to hurt Alice and her mate if I didn't need to.

"Talk Alice. You have a lot of explaining to do." I ordered. Bella squeezed my hand and looked up at me and then over to Demetri with questioning eyes.

"Demetri is a member of the Volturi. He is a tracker like James was, only better." She nodded, a small shot of fear rang through her. Satisfied that apparently I answered at least one of her questions, she looked expectantly at Alice.

"Now Alice! I think you owe all of us some explanations." I continued.

"OK, but it's a long story. Sorry Bella, I know you just heard Jazz's and now to hear this, but it's necessary. You may want to have Esme get you something to eat. We are going to be here awhile." She smiled at her friend. Esme got up to start getting Bella's breakfast ready. Bella was calm, but surprise kept filling her. I tried squeezing her hand, to as least let her know we are safe.

Bella looked at our hands, looked at me and smiled. "If you need to, you can." It was all she said. Recognizing that she was going to allow me to use my gift, I sent out a wave of serenity to everyone there, hoping to ease some of the tension that had been building.

Everyone visibly relaxed and Bella cuddled into my side a little more.

"OK, so here goes. Yes this is Demetri. Yes he works for the Volturi. So do I." Carlisle was the first to stand up and scream "What?" The rest of the group were equally surprised, shock running through all of us.

"Listen Carlisle, we are here to explain everything, but there is a lot of information that you don't know, if you interrupt every time, we will never get through this. Please relax and listen." She huffed. Apparently she has lost some of her patience since she has been gone all this time.

"Sorry Alice, but as much as I respect Aro, I'm shocked about what you said. I will try to control myself" he said, sitting back down next to Esme. I felt a hint of nervousness coming off Esme.

I sent out some more serenity, but just a little. I didn't want Bella to fall asleep on us, and it takes more for me to calm vampires than humans. Since she is right next to me, I had to be very careful on amounts.

"As I said, both of us work for the Volturi. After I kept getting visions of him, I knew that my destiny is to be with him. Jazz, I know we loved each other very much and thank you for letting me go to find him. It seems we both found out destinies" eyeing the fact that Bella was curled up next to me. Gleefulness rolling off her in waves. _Destiny? Bella? _

"But we'll get to that in a bit. Anyways, after I left, I started traveling to places I had gotten visions of Demetri in. But because of his work having him travel so much, I was always too late. I didn't know he worked for the Volturi, otherwise I would have just went there. I would recognize his scent, the more places I went. But I never even caught a glimpse of him. This went on for almost a year. I found him near Christmastime. We spent the holidays getting to know each other." I noticed that Demetri didn't say anything at all, but was rubbing Alice's back. Love and lust pouring out of him towards her.

"After New Year's this past year, Demetri told me that we had to go see Aro and let him know of our intentions. I saw us staying in Volterra for a few years and then Demetri asking to retire. When Aro met with us, he too saw my vision, stating he would allow Demetri to retire in 10 years as long as I came to work for the Volturi in the meantime. After the 10 years is up, Demetri and I can retire, but will be called on for any major problems they may have." She looked lovingly at Demetri. I was happy Alice had found her other half, but felt more nervousness coming from her. I knew Alice, there was much more to this story than a happy ending she is portraying.

"Still doesn't explain your eyes Alice." I pointed out. Alice knew that my patience wasn't always the best until I had all the information. She rolled her eyes at me and continued.

"What can I say? I saw that Aro wouldn't care if my eyes were gold or red when I worked for him so I planned on continuing with our diet. But one day Demetri came back from hunting and when I kissed him I could taste the blood. It was the best thing I ever had in my life. I ran away from him, found a human and haven't looked back since then."

She looked a slightly chagrin at what she was telling us. Rose and Emmett were emitting nothing but surprised. Esme and Carlisle were disappointed. I knew what Alice meant, having lived off our true source for years, but was still surprised Alice made the choice consciously. Bella's emotions were even stranger. She was emitting acceptance. As if it didn't make a difference what color Alice's eyes were. I guess if she could accept my story, it wouldn't be fair to judge Alice for making the opposite decision. My heart swelled with love for this young woman sitting next to me.

"OK, so I guess we understand the eyes. Alice, why didn't we ever hear from you regarding Bella?" I looked down at Bella's form, she was relaxed, staring back at Alice and Demetri. I could feel some fear coming off her as I asked the question. Alice's guilt level shot up dramatically. I knew I wasn't going to like this.

"Alice, did you know Bella was going to try to kill herself? Did you see what she was going through? The pain, the lies. Did you know about the lies? What about Edward, do you know where he is?" I could hear the frustration in my own voice. Demetri growled low at me, hissing, not liking the way I was speaking to Alice.

"Demetri, you can growl and hiss all you want at me, you don't scare me. But Alice and I have known each other very well for a very long time. She has information I need to hear and because of our history I am allowing her to share it without me using my gift to MAKE her share it. So I suggest you shut the fuck up and relax, while I get answers that I need." I kept my tone very level. There was no mistaking the menace he was hearing or seeing. I didn't know if Alice told him my past, but if he thought that I could be taken down easily, he would find out different. While everyone else was shooting some level of fear at me, Bella was sending me her love. There was no fear at all coming from her, even though she knew I was extremely dangerous right now.

"Jazz, calm down. Demetri, you too." Alice looked at both of us, venom was welling up in her eyes. Guilt coursing through her veins. I had my answer, but waited until she verbalized it. "Yes, I knew."

Bella's anxiety spiked at hearing this. She shot up faster than I thought possible, standing right over Alice's petite form. "You knew? You knew he not only lied to me, but left me in the forest? You knew every word he said to me, didn't you? You knew that for four months I did nothing, became nothing, felt NOTHING? FOUR MONTHS, ALICE! You knew my decision to kill myself? Did you see the letter too? Did you see me crying while I wrote to Charlie and Renee saying goodbye? Did you see me smiling as the smell of the gas hit my face? Smiling because I hoped it was over, that the pain would finally stop. You sat here sharing all of your fucking love story and you knew you were going to have to tell me that you saw me try to kill myself and DID NOTHING. You fucking hug me and tell me you miss me but knew what I was going through and did NOTHING. You were supposed to be my best friend. But you did NOTHING. Well Alice, let me tell you something if this is how you treat your friends, you can keep your friendship. I don't want it anymore. You bitch, you mother fucking bitch. I can't believe you." Tears streaming down her face. Hatred and hurt spewing out of her. Bella couldn't handle the fact that Alice knew everything. She ran upstairs and slammed the door into our room. I could feel her sadness and anger from downstairs. It was similar to the pain I felt from her the night I arrived in Forks.

My anger had spiked listening to her go off on Alice. I could feel myself losing control, becoming too close to the cold calculated killer I once was. I couldn't believe Alice knew all this time and didn't tell anyone. I should have guessed it since no one heard anything from her all this time. But after all of our time together, I would have thought better of her. She was always extremely compassionate and her love towards Bella was real.

Right now, all I could feel from Alice was guilt and sadness.

Carlisle tried to get everyone to calm down. "We need to take a break and maybe go blow off some steam. I think everyone here is a little shocked. I'm sure Alice had her reasons, we just need to calm down so she can explain them to us." Ever the fucking optimistic one.

"A little shocked Carlisle? Alice had her own reasons? Don't you think that is the understatement of the fucking year? I think this goes past being a little shocked. I'm fucking pissed. All this family does is hurt and manipulate Bella. She came here to see you and Esme and make peace and look at what she gets. Another back stabbing Cullen. Someone else who deceived her. Nice. Fuckin nice."

I flittered upstairs to check on Bella. My anger still elevated. Before getting to the door, I took a deep breath, trying to center myself, so I wouldn't take my anger out on Bella or worse, project it on her. I figured she would be crying, but again, that was old Bella. My Bella, I smiled as I thought the words, was pacing back and forth in the room. Muttering to herself. I could only catch certain words, the rest sounding like gibberish. The ones that I did hear were enough to fill me in that Bella was LIVID.

"motherfuckin cunt, cock sucking fuckin evil pixie, too fuckin small to be a grown up, plays with people's lives." She's muttering.

I sent her a wave of calm, I could tell when it hit her, she turned around and glared at me. "Don't even J." I withdrew it.

"Are you going to talk to me? Or would you like to continue your verbal tirade against Alice? Either way is fine; just want to know if you want me here or not." If she needed me, I would always be with her, but if she wanted space, I would honor that too.

She looked at me and sighed. Walking over to the bed, she sat down on the edge, letting her feet dangle over, patting the spot next to her. I sat down sideways, straightening one of my legs out behind her, so she was in between them. She leaned into me and started crying. I wrapped my arms around her and just held her tight, letting her know I would always be there for her.

"I'll always want you Jasper. I couldn't imagine not having you here with me, especially now. I'm just sick of all the drama associated with this family. And I have only been back here what like 24 hours. It's one of the reasons I took so long to see any of you again. The months I was with Edward, I was so in love with him, I didn't realize that your family lives in a constant state of drama. I mean really. From the moment I met you all it was one thing or another. How do you handle it? It's exhausting." Her crying had subsided a bit and she was trying to calm herself. She looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes.

I kissed the end of her nose, wiping some remaining tears from her cheek. I chuckled a little bit, realizing Bella had a point. The van, realizing she's Edward singer, James, Edward's struggle, the party, the aftermath of the party. This girl has gotten nothing but drama since she entered our life. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket but chose to ignore it.

Bella stretched up and kissed me softly on the lips. "The thing that pisses me off is that this morning, today, should have been about us. I know you were nervous this morning, but we made it through it. Together. And instead of being able to relax and enjoy the fact that we finally told each other how we feel, here I am. AGAIN. With more Cullen drama. I'm sorry, I know they are your family, but it gets tiring. I love you though. Thank you for being here for me."

"B, for as long as you want me, I'll be there for you. With everything that I am, I love you. I'm sorry that you had to hear that. I'm sorry Alice did that to you." I could hear the others downstairs, trying to get Alice to explain why she allowed everything to happen the way it did, every now and then something was thrown across the room shattering in pieces. Bella would flinch at the sound but otherwise seemed like she was trying to ignore it. Rose was the worst. Every time Alice started to say something; Rose would interrupt her and ask another question. We all knew when Rose was pissed about something, you seldom got more than a one word answer out before she hit you with another question or her right hook!

I felt another vibration in my pocket and this time I reached in to grab the phone. "Bring her here. P&C" I smiled. Swarmy fucker isn't he! I showed her the message and she smiled and nodded. Grabbing her bag and repacking it, I did the same, throwing in just a few things. Anything we missed we could just buy on the way. She would get away from the drama and be able to meet my lifelong friends. We headed down the stairs with our bags packed. Peter and Charlotte had a cabin in the mountains of West Virginia that they were staying at right now. So we would head there.

As we approached the bottom of the stairs, all the others stopped arguing and looked at us. Carlisle saw that both of us had a bag and immediately felt remose, Esme's sadness at realizing that Bella was going to leave was palpable.

"Oh no you don't." Emmett started yelling. "You aren't leaving. Come on, all anyone does in this family is run when there are problems. Sit your ass down and talk." The sadness and anger coming off him was enough to make my knees shake. He understood that if I left with Bella there was little chance that I would ever come back. He knew about Carlisle and Esme's feelings regarding my pursuing Bella and that I would leave if I had to. He wasn't thrilled.

"There's more" Alice whispered. Her guilt was continuously badgering me. I just rolled my eyes at her knowing that she would make sure that she got the whole story out before we could leave. With Demetri here, there would be no place for us to go without them following, I looked down at Bella with a small but resigned smile, hoping she would understand that unfortunately we would have to hear it all before we could leave.

"Alice, let me tell you one thing." Bella said as she walked back over to the couch. "You may think you know me, but you don't. Just because you used to be able to be called my best friend, does not mean you are allowed to treat me or those I love like shit. Say what you need to say and then Jasper and I are leaving. You are creating drama where there shouldn't be any."

When I sat down, she automatically curled up next to me again. Needing to feel close to her, I put my arm around her, pulling her in next to my side. She sighed quietly. Again, all I felt was love pouring out of her. Leave it to Bella to be pissed off but still find a way to show me she cares. I basked in the feelings for just a moment, trying to use that love to help me stay calm. It would be no good if I ripped Demetri and Alice apart.

"Bella, I'm sorry." She began. I heard Rose make a tsking sound. Her anger towards Alice was rivaling mine. She didn't appreciate someone hurting Bella any more than I did.

"I know you are pissed at me for not intervening when I should have. There are things that had to be done in a certain way and unfortunately, in order for that to happen, you had to go through everything." I rolled my eyes at her, leave it to Alice to try and make it sound like fate when it was her callousness and manipulative nature was being questioned.

"Alice, I find it hard to believe that Bella had to go through all the lies that Edward told her and the pain that she suffered as a result of those lies. Do you know what would have happened if Esme hadn't asked us to get the things from the house?" Rose interrupted. I felt a bit of nervousness from Esme when her name was brought in the conversation. I raised my eyebrow at her when she realized that I caught her.

"Well, Alice may have called me to ask me to have Rose and Emmett go to the house. I didn't know what it was about, but I hoped it was about Bella, so I did it." She whispered nervously. Carlisle looked over at her shocked and dismayed. I could feel everyone getting a little worked up again and sent out a small wave of peacefulness. I knew it was working when Bella tried to get closer to me. I didn't think that was even possible considering how we were already sitting, but she did indeed get closer.

Alice continued, "I got the vision of Bella going to the house in Forks and trying to kill herself. I called Esme and told her to call Rose and Emmett and get them to Forks, but I didn't say why, just that they needed to be there. They were the closest and I knew that it would a close call, but it was the only way that would work."

"What do you mean, the only way that worked? They could have gotten side tracked and were late and Bella would be dead right now." As I spoke the words, I felt Bella twinge with a huge amount of regret. I realize how close I was to losing her from my life. I felt an ache in my chest at the idea.

"Jazz, you need to stop interrupting and let me finish. I told you it was a long story."

Rolling my eyes at her again, I felt her guilt receding. I didn't think she should be feeling less guilty, just because Bella was ok. She took a very big chance.

"Continue"

"Anyway, I had to run through several scenarios to make sure that everyone was where they were supposed to be. I needed Rose and Emmett to be the ones that found Bella, because of how strong Emmett feels about her, I knew he would make sure to stay with her while she recovered. Because I saw what she wrote in the letter, I knew they would call Jazz to come." She smiled at me softly. I remember I used to give in to whatever she wanted when she gave me that smile. Now I was holding on to Bella tightly, trying to retain my composure so I wouldn't lose my temper. The "pixie" as Bella called her, was trying my patience.

"So I had to wait til Jasper got to them and then see what decisions he was making. After spending so many years together, I know Jasper as well as myself, but I have to tell you, I was shocked that you decided to let Bella go when she felt better. With everything that I am, I was positive that you were going to stay and help her get over Edward. So then, I had to figure out alternate plans on how to get this to work." Waving her hand at Bella and I. Was she implying that all of this was a plan to get Bella and I together?

"Peter told me that Bella needed to do this on her own. I'm glad she did too. I've missed having her around, but she made her life what it is today. On her own. She's a lot stronger Alice, more confident, she grew up" Kissing Bella's head, I inhaled her luscious springtime scent. She looked up at me with her deep brown eyes and stretched a little to give me a small kiss. Her sense of contentment told me she didn't mind the way I felt about our time apart. While I missed her, she did need that time to grow. We both did.

"I had to bide my time until Emmett got so upset that he still hadn't seen Bella. I knew he would bug Rose enough that she would just tell Bella they were going to visit and not wait for permission or acceptance. And so here we are, I have my mate and you have yours Jasper. You're welcome."


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 21

BPOV

I sat and listen to my former best friend admit that she manipulated all of us in some game of hers; trying to get to the outcome that she wanted. I was about to interrupt her and tell her to just stop when she dropped the bomb on all of us with "I have my mate and now you have yours Jasper." What?

My mouth dropped open and my face took on a look of pure shock. What does she mean? _Mate?_

Jasper, reading my mind again, asked my unspoken question. "What do you mean mate Alice?" His hand still cradling me against his side, rubbing up and down my arm.

"Mate Jasper, as in soul mate. You and Bella are each other's soul mate."

My emotions went haywire. This was all just too much information. Jasper and I just told each other how we felt this morning, now his ex-wife, my ex best friend, is sitting her trying to tell me that I am supposed to be with Jasper as his soul mate.

"Alice, how much more to this story is there? I don't think I can take anymore. You are sitting here, admitting to manipulating all of us, to get the outcome you thought was best, without anyone else having a say in their own lives. Did it ever occur to you that you should just let people live their own lives?" I knew I sounded bitchy, but really how much more of this can a person take. For crying out loud, I was still human and I had a hard enough time admitting to my own feelings, much less realize that someone I once trusted with my life was playing with all my decisions.

"Bella, I know you are still mad, but please understand where I was coming from. When I first realized that you were Edward's singer, I saw him drain you. It was that quick. Once he decided not to kill you, I kept getting visions of you becoming one of us, I thought, in the beginning that it would be Edward that turned you, but I realized he was never in the visions when you woke from the change. But Jasper was. He was always there. Standing over you, protecting you. The love that he has for you was evident on his face. When Jazz finally told me that he has this desire to protect you, I put two and two together. I thought about telling Jasper that you were his soul mate, but every time I did, I saw that Edward would flip out and kill you. So I had to bide my time. All I ever wanted was for Jazz to get his soul mate and be happy. When I saw Demetri in my visions, I knew I was almost out of time to get it taken care of. We tried to wait as long as we could before heading back to Volterra, but Aro insisted he return. I think we are ok though." Eyes going blank as she checked whatever vision was playing in her head.

I was more confused. I could feel Jasper turn his face down to me. I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his beautiful golden eyes. Was he really mine? Forever? Could it be that I did have to go through all of this just to get Jasper? Would it make it ok that Alice ignored everyone and everything just so Jasper and I could have this? Would he accept it? I know his past now, I understood why he thought he didn't have a soul mate. I understood, I just didn't agree. But if it was me, would he acknowledge this, or no? Reminders of my past feeling of unworthiness crept up my spine as I got worried that Jasper would turn me and then leave me like Alice left him and Edward left me. I didn't think I could go through that again, mortal or immortal, that shit hurt.

"Yep we are fine." Alice's eyes popped open and she smiled at Jasper and I. Demetri pulled her into his lap, rubbing her arm. She relaxed into him and I could see the love she has for him. The look in her eyes reminded me of Rose and Emmett or Carlisle and Esme. But I never looked at Edward like that. And I didn't remember every seeing Jasper look at Alice like that. I knew I looked at Jasper like that. Could she be right? At one point, I told Edward I would never bet against Alice. Would I start now?

Jasper must have felt my uncertainty because he leaned down and whispered, "I could never leave you B"

Alice had looked around the room at everyone who was still reeling from her lengthy admission. I couldn't speak for anyone else, but shocked couldn't even cover half of what I was feeling. I felt bad Jasper was getting it from everyone here. I looked up at him and his eyes were concentrating solely on mine. He was thinking about something very hard. Probably trying to go through everything we had just heard. I found myself getting lost in his eyes, when I felt his hand on my cheek, sliding back into my hair. He pulled me forward a little bit and kissed me softly. Fuck if I couldn't feel that kiss in my toes. Shit, I hope I never got used to that feeling. It was amazing to kiss him.

Rose giggled behind me, breaking Jasper and I's kiss. "You have time for that later Bella." She looked over at Alice, "You know this doesn't forgive you. Even if you had good intentions, you can't keep playing with people's lives to get the ending you want." I was so glad that Rose and I had become friends. A lot of my confidence was learned through my conversations with her. She helped me become a stronger person. So leave it to Rose to put the cards on the table, so to speak.

Alice didn't even acknowledge Rose's comment. She just snuggled with Demetri and smiled tentatively at Jasper and I. "There is one more thing."

"Bella has one month to be changed. Edward broke the law when he left her alive. In fact all of us did, but I worked out a deal with Aro and he conceded that she can have one month."

For crying out loud, she makes these comments like she's talking about the weather. 'Oh by the way, you have one month before you need to die.' My heart started pounding a mile a minute; reeling from all the information that I had just received.

I untangled myself from Jasper's side and got up. I just needed to think. "Is that everything? Have you told us everything Alice?" she nodded. Smiling happily, glad she was happy. The smug little bitch.

"I need to think. Jasper, can we go now? To see Peter and Charlotte?" I desperately wanted to get out of this house. I didn't know if I had enough strength to deal with anything else. Jasper stood, grabbing my hand and smiled softly at me. I knew he could feel my strange 'cocktail' affecting him, but he was actively trying to NOT calm me down. He tugged my hand a little to get me to stop my track to the front door. Looking at Alice, he said "what is the deal with Aro? What did you promise him to give us a month for Bella to get changed?" I had forgotten that part of the conversation. There was so much being thrown at me that I almost missed what he was saying.

"It has nothing to do with you and Bella, originally Aro was only going to ask Demetri and I to serve for 5 more years, when I offered to double it in exchange for the month, he gladly accepted. He is intrigued by what Demetri and I can do together for the Volturri, so it benefits him. We will be staying with the family for the next month. Go, enjoy your time with Peter and Charlotte. In a month, we will come find you and witness Bella's change and report back that the situation is resolved." She looked sadly at Bella for a second and finished, "If you decide that you don't want to change, they will send someone to finish the job. You will be eliminated and so will Edward."

Oh great. Wonderful. So if I believe Alice, Jasper is my soul mate, I have 1 month to agree to change or I die and so will Edward. Not too much pressure on me.

It's not like I didn't love Jasper. I knew I did. I knew it was different than the love that I felt for Edward. It was so much stronger. We had such a good basis for a relationship, but that relationship was only a couple of hours old. My god, we only had like 2 kisses. I mean real kisses. But damn were they good ones. I could still feel the tingle in my toes when I thought about kissing Jasper. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts from Jasper's lips on mine. Would Jasper want to change me? Did I want to be changed? I kinda enjoyed living in the human world the past almost two years. Would I really want to give it up? My friends, Charlie, school…The second round of loneliness and unworthiness shot up my spine again as I continued wondering, what if Jasper didn't want to change me? We hadn't even had a chance to talk about any of this yet. And why should I be responsible for saving Edward's life?

Ugh, I have a headache.

Jasper nodded at the last bit of information, turned to the family and spoke for both of us, "Bella and I obviously need some time to discuss all this information. We are going to head to West Virginia to see Peter and Charlotte. We'll call you later." We grabbed out bag and walked out the door towards his truck.

Carlisle looked like he was going to interrupt, but Jasper just shook his head at him. He immediately looked over at Alice who was still smugly smiling in Demetri's lap. Sighing, he sat back down next to Esme. Pansy.

"What about my truck?" Like it was really important in the grand scheme of things. Jasper opened the door for me as I climbed into his, shutting the door behind me and flittering over to the other side, he climbed in and said "we'll figure it out on the way." He shut his door, started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

JPOV

Mate. Soul mate. Bella. Mine.

Mate. Soul mate. Bella. Mine.

It felt like a mantra running through my head constantly set on repeat. Just prior to Alice's revelations I had thought the same thing in my head. Mate. I never thought that about my time with Alice, **really** never thought about that with Maria. But with Bella it just seemed natural.

There was no deception coming from Alice when she was telling us her story. Guilt and sadness, but nothing that would indicate she was lying or manipulating the story for her benefit.

Would Bella want to change? It's not like she has a choice, but I would give her one anyways. I won't speak for the rest of the family, but I would not have her give her life up if she didn't want to spend eternity with me. But to also be responsible for what happens to Edward isn't fair to her. I knew I couldn't live without her, ever since I acknowledged my feelings, I realized how much in love with her I really am. I simply couldn't imagine a day without her.

But she wanted to change for Edward. Maybe there was hope. The love I felt from her this morning was so much stronger than anything I ever felt before. It surpassed what I get from Rose and Emmett and makes Carlisle and Esme's relationship seem like puppy love. Yet as strong as her love is for me, it doesn't guarantee that she will want this life or even if she did, would she want it with me.

I looked over at Bella. She was staring out the window of my truck, tears strolling down her face. Crying silently. Every now and then, she would wipe the tears away with the back of her hand. She made no noise, but her emotions told me she was cycling. I just grabbed her hand and held it while I drove. While her emotions were playing havoc on me, I would deal with it the best I could. I wouldn't manipulate her in anyway. We needed to deal with this together, equally. I wouldn't decide for her what to do. But I would hope.

For the third time in this eternal life, I would hope. That she wants forever with me. Because I knew I wanted it with her.

I told Bella it would take us about 7 hours to get to Peter's place in West Virginia. Given the fact that it was almost dinnertime, it would mean get us arriving well after midnight. If Bella wanted to talk now, then she could sleep when we get there or sleep now and then talk. But if we wait, then we will have to have the conversation in front of Peter and Charlotte. Having never met them before, I wasn't sure which she would be more comfortable with.

"Do you want to talk about anything Bella?" I was still holding her hand. I had given it a slight squeeze to try and pull her out of her head a little bit. It took her a minute to answer. When she did, her voice sounded so defeated.

"I just think it's funny." I shot her a true look of surprise. Inquisitiveness got sent back to her, almost without my control.

"Care to explain, cause I'm not sure if I would agree with your statement. I don't know that I can find any humor in any of this situation."

"Well look at it from my side. Alice and Edward were the ones that I was closest to, while you and Rose were the ones that were more reserved when I was around. But those are the ones that have betrayed me and hurt me-deciding my life for me without my involvement. While you and Rose have become my closest friends. Carlisle and Esme seem to cater to Alice. I'm sure they catered to Edward as well and I was too blind to see it. I'm wondering how Carlisle lasted three hundred years when he can't seem to have a solid opinion of his own without Alice or Edward feeding it into his brain. Esme seems to have the spine of a jellyfish, and will follow whoever is leading, regardless of their worthiness of being followed."

I could see her point; she really saw a completely different side of Carlisle, Esme and Alice today. Rose, Emmett and I had similar conversations in the past discussing how Carlisle follows Edward and Alice around. Their talents were advantageous given our unique lifestyle, but really not all that powerful. I have met other vampires whose power was much more defensive and protective. Alice and Edward's powers were more passive. They would have more information, but that didn't mean that they could use the information to get ahead in a battle or most types of situations. Kinda like being 'book smart' or 'street smart'. In both worlds, you needed a balance of both to survive properly. Alice and Edward were definitely short on the 'street smart' side of life.

"OK, I'll give you a _little_ humor, but given everything that happened today, I'm still shocked that the first thing out of your mouth is you think it's funny. You got an earful today, so did I. Don't you think we should talk about it?" We never really discussed her reaction to my history, then we have Alice and all the drama (as Bella puts it) that she brought and then the deal with Aro. We had a month to deal with this.

Would I still be happy in a month? Would Bella still be alive? Would Edward?

"Do you mind if we wait til we get to West Virginia? I know you will want to fill Peter and Charlotte in, so instead of rehashing everything over and over, maybe we can tell them and then take it from there." She slid over in the truck, to tuck herself into my side. I had missed her warmth while she was firmly planted against the window crying.

The same as when we were on the couch, I put my arm around her shoulder and began softly sliding it up and down. Her feelings were beginning to calm down slightly, I heard a contented sigh escape her lips and she rested her hand over my heart.

"Can you help me rest for a bit? That way I'll have some energy to discuss everything with Peter and Charlotte"

I nodded my head and sent her some of my sleepy time concoction; peacefulness, serenity and lethargy. Guaranteeing that would get some sleep while we headed southwest.

When Bella had drifted off into dreamland, I called Rose. I wanted to let her know that we were ok and find out what happened after we left. We only had about 2 hours left in the trip, so I knew there would be more to the story

She filled me in about everything. Alice finally admitted to everyone that she knew Edward was only in love with Bella's blood. Carlisle and Esme were shocked, disbelieving even. They swore that wasn't the case. I rolled my eyes as I listen to Rose. Of course, they couldn't do any wrong. What was it with those two living their lives with blinders on? We had explained everything to them after we returned from finding Bella; you would have thought they would have trusted us to tell them the truth. I was beginning to feel a little animosity towards them, and towards Alice. Rose asked if she thought Bella would mind if they came to visit us at Peter and Charlotte's in a few days. Emmett didn't think he wanted to hang out with Alice and Demetri. Apparently, after we left, Demetri started telling them about himself and Emmett didn't like his condescending attitude. Acting like the fact that he worked for the Volturri was better than anything in the world. Alice too. Rose told me Alice is acting like she is queen of the vampires now. Aro and the other two kings, treat her like absolute royalty. I hope she realizes that those three will also trade up if there is someone better and then she will be left in the dust, literally.

Alice and I's relationship had ended very abruptly. At the time, I didn't hold it against her. I knew she deserved to be happy. But I couldn't forgive her for what she allowed Bella to go through. Even without the whole situation with Esme being involved in getting Rose and Em to get to Bella, Alice was trying to control fate. Good intentions or not, she was wrong. She should have come to me back when she figured out Bella and I were soul mates and we could have figured it out together. Seems to me, like she didn't want to let me go until she knew she had someone else waiting in the wings. Maybe she couldn't stand on her own two feet.

I suddenly realized that Peter was exactly right when he told me Bella had to get over Edward on her own. It made her so much stronger than Alice. Earlier, when she stood up to Alice, I was so proud of her. Two years ago, she never would have done that. She would have accepted whatever was told to her, putting everyone else's happiness in front of hers. Now, Bella has a life altering choice to make and I would help her make it, but I wouldn't allow myself to control what it was.

Rose and I ended our call, I told her I would talk to Bella about them visiting and let her know the answer. I was pretty sure she wouldn't mind.

We were getting ready to pull into Peter and Charlotte's place. I opened the windows to let the cool air into the truck, trying to slowly wake Bella from her nap. I didn't want her to be startled by anything. Bella knew that my closest friends still fed from humans. While I knew she had accepted Alice's choice, I wasn't sure how she would feel about meeting two new vampires that were the same. I had thought so many times about this moment in the past year. Wondering what it would be like when Bella actually met Peter and Char. I smiled down at Bella's small form, still curled up next to me, hoping the three of them would become as close as I was with each of them.

"B, time to wake up, we are almost at their place. Just a couple more miles and we'll be there." She was rousing from her slumber, twisting and turning. Stretching her muscles in the truck was never the best thing to do, but it seemed to work for her. She grabbed her bottle water and had a swig.

"Ugh. I probably look like death." She giggled again. I shot her a raised eyebrow and she continued, "Well you guys are really dead and look fantastic, so I'm guess I look worse than death." Rolling my eyes at her, I just smiled. She would never realize how beautiful I knew she was.

Pulling up towards the cottage there were three lights on the outside. The simple design sufficed for our needs, much less grandiose than the Cullens properties. Peter, Charlotte and I were all raised in Texas, having similar type upbringings. These smaller homes were more reminiscent of our human life. I always felt a little more comfortable here than anywhere the Cullen's lived. I turned the truck off, glanced over at Bella who was staring at the front door. When I looked over I understood why. Standing at the threshold, with his arm around his wife's waist, was my brother.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: don't own**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story. I am so pleased that there is such a strong response. I hope it continues...I am gone this weekend, so I will post 22 and 23 so I don't piss off anyone. Thanks again, and have a great weekend everyone.**

**K. **

Chapter 22

BPOV

Jasper woke me up and I at least felt like I had some good quality sleep for a few hours. Having an empath around that can knock me out like that can be quite convenient. At least while I am still human. I groaned at my thought. Back to reality.

As we pulled up to Peter and Charlotte's cottage, I immediately felt at home. It was quaint. It didn't have the sterile feel of the Cullen's properties. Apparently being Esme, who couldn't decide who to follow also meant you couldn't pick out a color scheme other than white on white.

Damn, I was cracking myself up.

Two vampires were standing in the doorway. Peter looked like in his human years he would have been a little older than Jasper, maybe 22 or 23. He was shorter than Jasper, but not by much, sandy brown hair and a strong face. His smile, which I could imagine would also look very deadly, right now looked happy. I assumed it was to because he was seeing Jasper again.

Charlotte was stunning. Her honey blond hair went past her shoulders, down the middle of her back. Soft curls wrapped her petite face. She looked like an angel. A very short, very deadly angel. Her red eyes were soft though. Welcoming. Again, I figured it was in reference to Jasper being here.

Jasper got out and walked over to my side of the truck. Since we had been back in each other's company, I realized that when we were together, he really tried not to use his abilities around me. I didn't mind it. I was used to it after all, but I did appreciate it. Made me feel like we were more equal to each other. Edward always had a way of using his vampire abilities to make me feel like humans were less than vampires. Granted, we were their food, but Jasper didn't need to do that. He was content taking things at my pace, rather than hurrying me along to make him comfortable. Just another reason I was in love with him. It reminded me of the saying, the journey should be as enjoyable as the destination.

I had an epiphany as Jasper helped me out of the truck. Literally slapping myself on the forehead with my hand. Jasper just looked at me like I was crazy. "I'll tell you later" hoping to hold him off on what I just realized. "Let's go, I want to meet your brother and sister." I smiled at him.

He turned us around, grabbed my hand and we walked up the little stone pathway to the door. I noticed a different stance in Jasper. While it was more relaxed than I was used to with the Cullen's, it was definitely more authoritative. His back was straighter, head held just a tad bit higher. But his expression was completely different. His smile was more relaxed, the semi-permanent crease line that used to exist in his forehead was completely gone. He just looked happier. He looked like I felt, 'at home'. I was so glad that we decided to come here. I had a feeling that a lot would change, well not that a lot wasn't going to change (especially with my time limited life), but that Jasper and I would be on a different level when we left here. I hoped that I was right.

As we approached the two standing at the door, I noticed Peter twitching slightly, grinning like a fool. Oh I knew plenty of the stories, Jasper told me a lot about their antics together, I expected nothing less than a full ribbing from Peter about my clumsy human ways.

I didn't get it.

Peter took a step forward, pulled me away from Jasper and pulled me into a tight hug. It wasn't tight like Emmett's, I could still breath. "Thank you, for bringing him home." I could see Charlotte standing next to him smiling at us. Her hand just behind Peter's arm.

"Come here, baby doll, let me see you." She said. She pulled me away from Peter and brought me into her arms. She was maybe 5'5", so it was a little more compatible hugging her. She was sweet. I immediately liked her. There was a positivity around her that was comforting.

Peter turned to Jasper and grabbed him, hugging his brother. I wasn't sure if they always acted like this, they just saw each other a couple of days ago. And why were they already back from their hunting trip? Wasn't it supposed to last a couple of weeks? Damn I was confused.

"Let's go in. Bella, if you are hungry I got you a couple of things earlier when Peter realized you guys would be coming. We can go shopping tomorrow if you don't like it and get you whatever else you need." Char said, pulling my hand into the cottage. It was just as beautiful on the inside as the outside. Warm brown colors shadowed throughout the interior with hints of tans and burgundy. A fireplace was roaring on the far wall, sending off amber light through the room.

Jasper dropped our bags on the floor and pulled me into a reverse hug, my back to his chest, arms around my waist. I sighed as I realized that for the first time since we saw each other again, I was relaxed and calm, even amidst the chaos of earlier today. Or was it yesterday? Whatever! I wanted a few moments to enjoy being in Jaspers arms.

He bent down and kissed my neck, sending the tingles to my toes as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Suddenly wishing we were all by ourselves. "Later." He whispered, the smile felt across my skin.

"So Major, what did Alice do?" Peter said bluntly, plopping down on an oversized chair in the living room. Char curled up with him, arms looping through each others.

"A little warning would have been nice Peter." Jasper and I sat on the couch, across from the others, curled up in much the same fashion. I realized that I needed to have contact with Jasper now. Like all the time. I couldn't think of a time since I told him how I felt that I haven't wanted to touch him, or be touched by him. When I ran upstairs after yelling at Alice; I immediately felt a longing towards downstairs, towards my Jasper. _My Jasper. _I like that.

"Aw, come on now, you know that I don't get the whole picture. Just little snippets of what is going on. All I knew was that you and baby doll here needed a place to wind down in."

Jasper looked down at me and I glanced up at his face nodding my head. He was silently asking if it was ok to get into the story. Knowing that this had to happen, I just returned my head to his shoulder and waited for him to explain the story.

After having a little nap in the car, I was wide awake, but didn't feel like listening to the whole thing all over again. It would be easier for Jasper to tell them in their fast talking way anyway. I pulled myself up and told them I was going to the kitchen to see what I could find. Peter nodded his head at Char and she got up to go with me.

"You doing ok Bella?" she pulled out some bags of chips and a bottle water and soda from the fridge. Sensing I was going to need to be up for a while, I grabbed the soda. The kitchen was simple, but had a great breakfast bar up against a big bay window. I bet in the daylight the view is amazing. I grabbed one of the bar stools to sit down, not really knowing how to answer her.

"It's not that I am not ok, I guess I am. Just had a lot thrown at me today..yesterday…whenever. Thanks for letting us come here. It's so nice to finally meet you guys. I feel like I know you already with how much J talks about you." I smiled at the newest vampire in my life. She really was easy to talk to. I wouldn't say best friends, but I knew if J trusted these two with his life, so could I.

"You know Jasper finally told me his story. We watched the sunrise up on the roof. All I could think of at the time was how this was like a new beginning. Then just more drama to add to my list of things I thought I was over regarding the Cullens. I just needed some different scenery. Time to think. Time for Jasper and I to talk without everyone in the Cullen's offering their opinion." She nodded her head, never saying a word, just letting me vent a bit.

Peter and Jasper walked in a couple of minutes later, Peter looking slightly torqued about whatever Jasper told him. Jasper walked right over to me, leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. I could feel just the tip of his tongue on my lips. Parting them for him, I heard Peter tell Char they needed to leave. I stopped the kiss, looked at Jasper inquisitively. He just smiled at me. "I just want some time alone with you, awake, without anyone else around. We can talk about everything in the morning when they get back." He eyes were smoldering dark golden orbs, steeling into my soul. There is nothing I wouldn't do for this man. I only hoped that he wanted eternity with me as much as I wanted with him. I just nodded.

He carried me upstairs to a bedroom at the end of a hall. I hadn't had a chance to see upstairs yet, so I didn't know what else was up here. The bedroom was beautiful, matching the color schemes from downstairs the walls were a golden yellow, similar to Jasper's eyes colors, it looked like the curtains and bedding were a deep burgundy. It reminded me of the terra cotta feel from Arizona. Another fireplace was lit in here, keeping the room perfectly comfortable for me.

After he put me down on the bed, he sped downstairs and was back in an instant with our bags. "Bathrooms down the hall, why don't you relax and get changed. I'm going to get some more wood for the fireplace, I'll be back in a minute" He kissed my lips again, so softly I almost fainted. For a marble hard body, how the hell did his lips get to be so soft on mine?

I did as Jasper suggest, getting myself ready for bed. I knew I wasn't going to sleep yet; I just woke up and was still to wound up to even try sleeping. When I finished in the bathroom, I wandered back to the bedroom. Jasper was stretched out on the bed in a pair of black lounging pants, no shirt. I almost passed out at the look of him lying there. He was magnificent. His muscles were solid, but not bulky; his scars covered most of his body at least from what I could see, but they made the muscles look more ripped. I couldn't imagine him with smooth skin. Not with his history, when you are in battle, you get battle scars. I absent mindedly rubbed my wrist. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Just thinking about battle scars." I offered.

"Bella, if my scars are too much, I'll put a shirt on. I didn't mean to assume you would be ok with seeing them." He started to get off the bed, I assume to grab a shirt. I quickly walked over to him and gently pushed his chest back down. He placated me by remaining seated, wrapping his arms around my waist and looking up at my eyes, his chin resting on my stomach.

"Jasper, nothing about you; your past, your scars, or your once red eyes; hell, even if you had red eyes again. Nothing and I mean nothing would make me uncomfortable, scared, fearful or less attracted to you. I find you beautiful in every way. You are not perfect, neither am I. I was just surprised for a second." I felt a huge burst of love coming into my soul. I shuddered and dropped my head down to meet Jaspers, not realizing what it was. "What was that?" I stuttered. At this point, I think I lost feeling in my knees and started to collapse onto Jasper.

He gently pulled me onto the bed. Laying down next to me. "That was just a small amount of how much I love you B." He leaned up on one of his elbows and looked me in the eye. "I don't expect anything tonight Bella, I just want to be with you, relaxed and alone. Do you understand?" I nodded my head. I needed this to. It just needed to be us tonight. Tomorrow or later, we can solve all the problems, tonight needed to be Bella and Jasper. Just the two of us. I would worry about whether or not it was going to be for eternity later. If I died in a month, I at least wanted the month to be somewhat a happy one.

He leaned over a kissed me gently. My arms immediately wrapped around his neck, pulling him in closer to my body. His kisses were lighting my body on fire. My lips parted immediately for him and his cool scent covered my mouth. His tongue massaged mine in a way that shot right to my core, I could feel my panties getting wet from this. He released my lips, letting me catch my breath and pushed himself off me, rolling back to his side. His eyes were already black, but that didn't scare me anymore. If my blood had tempted him, now or ever, I would offer it to him in a second. I would give my life for him. I knew the answer to ultimatum on my end was yes, I would agree to be turned. I would never want to live without Jasper. But a part of me still wondered if he would be around after I woke from my change.

Sensing I must be having an inner dialogue going on, Jasper cleared his throat to get my attention. "Since you can't seem to stop thinking about it, why don't we discuss whatever is going on in that pretty little head of yours? You go from aroused to desire to love to curious to worthlessness. Bella, you are a conundrum if nothing. Care to explain?"

JPOV

I didn't want to stop. I could have continued kissing Bella for the rest of my existence if she would let me. But I did stop. For two reasons. One, we needed to talk, as apparent by the cocktail I was getting from her. Two, I don't think Bella wasn't ready for this yet. But it was really, really hard to stop. Between my lust and the lust and frustration I was getting off of Bella, I wasn't sure how I hadn't cum yet. Pulling topics of conversations of the past into my head, baseball, sickness, Emmett naked running down the street, nothing was working to pull me out of my lust induced trance. Maria.

Yep, there you go. Maria, always a good way to lose a boner. If she was good for nothing else, killing my sex drive would always be something the memory of her could do. Having a little more clarity and room in my pants now, I was able to refocus on Bella's cocktail.

Bella curled into my side, drawing little circles on my chest. Her touch was like home to me. Immediately my whole inner self was calm. Even her cocktail wasn't affecting me. I could think around it to help me focus on what she needed to say and what I needed to be for her.

"I don't know if I can. You know how I process things, I can't multi think like you guys can, even when I try to focus on one thing, my mind is moving a mile a minute, drumming up thoughts whether I want them there or not." She was still a little pensive. Like she was waiting for something. I wasn't sure if it was something I needed to give her or if she was waiting for more bad news.

Or maybe she was thinking she would get bad news from me?

Was that it?

Was Bella concerned that I wouldn't want her for eternity?

I looked down at my beauty. Her dark chocolate eyes feeding me love and nervousness, but underneath it all was still twinges of unworthiness. "Bella, do you want to be with me forever?"

"Yes, but…" She pulled her fingers through her hair, flooding the room again with her scent. I had a hard enough time trying to get the last erection to go down, if she didn't continually tempt me like this, we wouldn't be able to continue this conversation much longer. I had wanted to be with her for so long. My brain knew we needed to take it slow, but my dick, however just wanted to find a release in the name of Bella.

"But what?" I pulled up a little bit, placing my back on the headboard of the bed. I cradled Bella in my arms, her head laying more on my stomach now. Not helping with maintaining no erection, but very nice. I pulled my fingers through her hair and sent her a little peace.

"J, what are you doing?"

"Bella, I'm frustrated. I know it's been a long day for you. You have had a lot placed on you. But anytime I want to talk about it, you are pulling away. First at the house, you just wanted to leave. Then in the truck you wanted to wait until we got here, then when we get here you leave when I am telling Peter what is going on, now I ask you a question and I got Yeah But."

She pulled away a little bit and rolled to her side, her back facing me. I was having none of this. I spooned her, trying to let her know that I will not back off. I didn't want to push the issue, but there were things that needed to be said and she didn't seem to want to say anything.

Her anxiety spiked a little, and then relaxed. I felt nothing but love coming off her as she sighed. I started to bask in the love she had for me, but we needed to discuss this. "Bella?"

"I'm sorry I pulled away from you J. We'll talk about everything, I promise. Just not now. Remember how you asked for me to give you time with your history? Can we do that too? Can we just take tonight, at least what is left of it and let it be about us? I'll try and shut my mind off for a little bit, if you can just give me tonight. Please?" She begged me.

She rolled back over, facing me. Pulling my face down to her, she gently kissed me. Immediately our tongues were battling for control. She moaned into my mouth as her arousal overtook the room from her springtime scent, mixing and creating a euphoric scent that I would follow anywhere, for the rest of my existence.

I rolled over so Bella was laying on top of me, letting her control the show. She needed a break. If this is how she wanted her break, who am I to argue?

I slid my hands down her sides, while her arms were circling my neck still. Her shirt slid up, exposing her creamy white skin. When my hands got to a small piece of exposed skin at the bottom of her t shirt, her lust spiked and I felt a shiver of anticipation run through her. Just the thought of touching other parts of her naked flesh had me hard again. I turned her over to lay on her back, not wanting her to be uncomfortable about having my erection so close to her pussy.

"Jasper?" I hear her whisper as I am kissing her neck, pulling the shoulder part of her tshirt aside so I can kiss there as well.

"Mmph?" was about all I could answer.

"Make love to me." I stopped mid kiss to look in her eyes. I didn't have a problem with doing it, part of my brain had spent all day thinking about what it would be like to be inside her, but wasn't this a little fast for her?

"Please?" she begged. "I just want to forget every part of today after we told each other we loved each other. I want it to be like the rest of the day didn't happen. I just want it to be you and me, together. Let's just continue what we started on the roof."


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 23

RPOV

I can't believe this family. Jasper was right. All we do is cause Bella pain. And listen to Alice. Well, I was listening to what Alice was saying, but she wasn't saying anything I didn't already know. For a while now, Emmett and I had thought that Bella and Jasper were soul mates. Not that we could tell Jasper that. First of all, he wouldn't believe us. He had this whole, I don't deserve a soul mate philosophy thing going one. Secondly, we weren't 100% sure. We were pretty sure, but I don't go messing with someone's life on 'pretty sure'.

After making my comments to both Bella and Jasper over the past couple of days, I knew they were in love with each other. You could tell by the way they looked at one another. It's how I look at Emmett. I remember the night I saved Emmett, the first time I saw him. When I looked into his eyes, part of my brain told me I needed to protect him. Another part told me to go kill the bear that hurt this gentle soul. A third part told me, kept whispering to me in the back of my brain that I needed to save him. Keep the angel with me to take care of him and he will take care of me.

Emmett jokes that he thought I was an angel, but I always knew that he is the angel. So kind, playful, loving….He may be a big lug sometimes, but he follows his heart and never says anything malicious about anyone. My angel.

Aaah, getting back to Jasper and Bella. See I knew they were in love with each other, but they needed to realize it themselves. Realize and accept it. And then, fucking tell each other. Because if you think I am going to sit here and dance around the issue with those two, you got another thing coming.

As vampires, we know who our mates are immediately, once we have been exposed to them; either visual or scent wise. But Emmett was human when I met him, so was Esme. It took going through the change to realize it on our instinctual level. But Carlisle and I once had a conversation about the feeling right before they were changed; both of us had the strong desire to protect this person with our lives.

Bella's human. Jasper may not believe Bella is his soul mate, because he only sees how Emmett and I are now. Same with Carlisle and Esme. He wouldn't see or feel the same pull we do, because technically they aren't the same species. Yet. Dear god, my brother better now screw this shit up.

Once I got on the phone with him, I filled him in on Alice and Demetri. Bella better not mind us coming to visit, because there is no way we are staying with those two. Talk about self-absorbed. Holy shit. People think I am vain. I got nothing on these two. They stood in the living room looking in the mirror for the past two hours, talking about what a great looking couple them make. Carlisle and Esme stood by and watched this. Are you kidding me? What is going on with this family? Have they lost their mind?

Then, when they were done with that, they spouted off all the wonderful things associated with living with the Volturri. Of course Alice loved getting all the latest fashion designs sent to her immediately, even before they were launched. Apparently our menial existence no longer met her standards anymore. Whatever.

Even if Bella doesn't want to see Emmett and I right now, we are out of here. I can't listen to this much longer. UGGGH, they just went upstairs, all goo goo eyed at each other.

"Come on Emmett, we're out of here." We aren't waiting for Jasper to confirm it with Bella. I knew kinda where Peter and Charlotte lived. We would head there now.

APOV

It's so good to see everyone again. Bella looks fantastic. Well…..Not fantastic, but ok. At least she has some style to her hair now. Her clothing is still hideous. But I still love the girl. And I can't wait for everyone to meet Demetri. I know they will be happy for us. I wonder what everyone will think of my red eyes. Wouldn't have thought it, but the color really works with my skin.

I can't wait to tell everyone about the deal I got for Bella. Jasper will be so pleased that I did this for him. When I got the vision of Demetri I felt bad for having to leave Jasper. But knowing that he still had some time before he could get with Bella, I figured he would just go see Peter and Charlotte for a bit. They are always good for him; even if they are a little country-ish.

Bella will be even happier. I have seen her future. Sometimes it's a little fuzzy though, but I know she will be glad. She'll get over her feelings of hurt soon anyways. God, it's not like she really died that night. I mean, I got Rose and Emmett to her in time. She didn't even thank me either. How rude.

MMMM, Demetri's doing that thing on the back of my neck that I like. It always puts me right in the mood. "Let's go upstairs baby." I grab his hand and lead him up to Edward's bedroom. He won't need it right now. Damn, I forgot to tell the family what's going on with him….Oh well. Later.


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 24

BPOV

I knew I was surprising Jasper with my request. Hell, I was surprising myself. But I needed this. I needed him. I hadn't shared anything with Jasper yet about my decisions. We still needed to talk, but I didn't want to talk right now. I just wanted to be with him, in every way.

I wanted him to make me forget everything else that happened after we told each other our feelings. When I saw him in his lounging pants I thought I was going to have an orgasm right then and there. I knew Jasper could tell I was aroused, but he was still a little self-conscious about the scars. Dear god, he has nothing to be self-conscious about. He created a new level of attractiveness. There was no god, no man, no being that could compare to how stunning he was. His golden curls hung down over his face just slightly, it was beyond sexy. His muscles are the perfect size, his stomach, that v shaped line leading down into the waist of his pants. His eyes, I could get lost in those for days; the smirk he gave me when he got a new emotion off me.

Tomorrow I would think about everything. Tonight, I just wanted it to be us. He stopped kissing me shoulders to look at me. "Bella, are you sure? We don't have to. Please don't think that…." I stopped him from continuing whatever he was saying by putting my lips on his. My arms wrapped around his neck pulled him closer to me. He had one hand firmly on my waist, his other holding his marble body slightly off me. I could feel myself getting wetter the longer we kissed.

Jaspers scent permeated my senses until I was dizzy. His sucked my tongue in his mouth, caressing it. Sliding his hand from my waist underneath my shirt I felt his cold fingertips just dance around the bottom of my breast. It was such a feather light touch I almost thought I imagined it. Jasper pulled back from the kiss and looked at me. I could see his golden eyes had turned black. But there was no menace in them now. Just desire. For me.

The arm that was holding Jasper up reached around behind me and pulled me forward. Jasper kneeled back on his shins, making me sit straight up. He reached for the bottom of my shirt, "If you change your mind, I'll stop at any time." There was no way I was changing my mind tonight. I wanted this and him. I pulled my own shirt off, wrapping my arms back around his neck and laid back down-pulling him with me, kissing him with as much passion as I had. We both moaned into each other's mouth reveling in the skin on skin contact of our chests.

Jaspers hand immediately found my breast again. His fingers sliding over my nipples. I felt them harden under his cool touch. My back arched from the sensation. His lips left mine, traveling down my neck to my shoulder. His right hand still playing with my left nipple. It was rock hard now. Jasper was twisting it, pulling it. When his mouth left my shoulder I felt it resume licking on my nipple. That went straight to my core. His teeth grazed my nipple, pulling it just slightly. His cold breath on my hot skin made my body pulsate in places he hadn't even touched yet. The pleasure outweighed the pain of having my nipple pulled. I was lost in a sea of sensation, pulling at Jasper's hair. I didn't know if I wanted him to continue with my nipples, kiss me or just fuck me senseless.

"Is any of this you or is this all me? This feels absolutely fantastic." I kinda muttered. Jasper left my nipple and immediately I regretted speaking. They longed for his touch to return.

"This is both of us. I took my lust and yours and mixed them together and gave them back to us. It's a pretty even mix though." He whispered back to me, kissing my neck, sucking a spot behind my ear that had me moaning and pulling my nails up his back.

"Jasper, I want you so bad." Moaning as his fingers went back to playing with my nipple.

"Just enjoy Bella. You wanted me to make love to you and I'm going to. Nice. And. Slow." A hint of his southern drawl crept out at that comment. I felt him sliding back down my body, kissing and licking as he went. His hand left my nipple but it wasn't alone for long. His tongue slid over it, while his hand found my other nipple. While one nipple is covered with his mouth, having his teeth pulling at it the other nipple was being tugged at by Jasper's hand. Alternating between massaging my breast and pulling and twisting its nipple. I felt my stomach tighten. I knew what was coming. The alternating sensation on my nipples was hitting my pussy like crazy. The pulling, twisting, massaging and biting was driving me nuts. I felt all my muscles tighten in my core as I grabbed the sheets with my fists.

"Oh my god, Jasper I'm gonna cum" as I felt all my muscles in my core throbbing, aching for the long awaited release. I tilted my head back on the pillow and pulled Jaspers head closer to my nipple. The throbbing in my pussy causing me to drip a little out, I felt it slide down me. Jaspers hand left my breast as I was coming down from my orgasm, sliding down my waist to my thigh. He hitched my thigh over his hip and slid the length of his erection along my pussy. God I forgot we still had our pants on, but holy hell if that didn't feel good.

I pulled his hair, trying to get him to return to my face and kiss me. He took his damn sweet time too. Grazing his teeth along my pulse point on my neck. I wasn't scared. I've never been scared of Jasper. It turned me on even more that he could have that much control, be that close to my blood and resist, just to be able to be with my body.

A part of my brain noticed I wasn't scared of being intimate with Jasper. I was still a virgin, an almost 20 year old virgin to be exact. But I wasn't scared. This was right. I knew it. I knew more than anything that I was in love with Jasper and I wanted to do this with him.

"Need pants off…." I muttered. "Need to feel you inside me. Please. Please just fuck me." I was bucking my hips trying to get contact with his cock. It felt so good just sliding up and down; I needed to feel it inside.

Jasper grabbed my chin with one hand and gently tilted my face to the right, exposing my neck to him, his other hand sliding back down my side and curling around to my butt. I felt him reach inside my lounging pants and panties, feeling my ass for the first time. He squeezed one cheek slightly, whispering in my ear "Bella, I thought I told you to relax. I want to make love to you properly and I can't do that if you keep demanding that I fuck you. Now, if you don't relax, I'll be forced to tie you up so you can't move"

His voice, the husky whispering way it sounded, what he was suggesting, it was so erotic. I would have never thought I would like the idea of being tied up, but if Jasper could make me orgasm by just playing with my nipples, I couldn't imagine how good it would be tied up so that I couldn't move.

"Darlin, you're lust shot up like a rocket there. Did you like that idea? Me making it so that you can't move?" Still whispering in my ear, his other hand pulled out of my pants and slowly started sliding them down my legs. "Another time. Tonight is about getting you to relax. I can feel how tense you are." He left my ear with a little flip of his tongue, slid down my body and pulled my leggings off, very slowly, tenderly rubbing my feet as he reached the bottom of each leg.

I was panting by the time I was naked. He stood at the end of the bed. His eyes pitch black as he took in my body. I had sucked my bottom lip into my mouth thinking about what was coming up. He pulled his pants down, leaving him naked as well. I lay there, admiring his body. His wavy hair hung loosely over his eyes, but I could tell he was scoping out my body like I was his. His chest had a little sweat on it, I assumed from sliding up and down my body. Even I could see the sheen of perspiration on my chest. I lowered my eye to the huge erection that stood before me. Involuntarily I licked my lips and moaned. I saw him take a deep inhale and smile.

"Jasper, please" I whispered. I know he heard me, but I guess he chose to ignore my repeated pleas at this point. He grabbed my foot, starting kissing the instep of it. I swear every place he put his mouth, the feeling went right to my core, making me even wetter.

"You smell heavenly darling. I can't wait to taste you. To lick every little drop of your cum off of you." I think Jasper has another gift. The gift of seduction. His voice, his melodic southern drawl, made my toes curl.

He was still kissing and licking my leg, every now and then working his way slowly towards my center, exactly where I wanted him to be. The ache there was getting painful, I needed a release bad. I could feel how wet I was and I hadn't even touched myself. I knew he wanted me to relax, but the way he was teasing me was making it very hard to lay still. My hips were grinding against the air, hoping to find something to find friction against. My hands were still fisted in the sheets below me; I could feel my hair clinging with sweat to the back of my neck.

He grabbed my hips with both hands and laid down between my legs. I could feel the throbbing on my clit with anticipation. He started licking and kissing my hip bones, his hands slowly sliding over my hips, to my inner thigh; I automatically spread my legs more for him. I was watching every movement of his mouth on my body, panting. He looked up at me and smiled, "Bella, I want you to keep your eyes on me, keep them open and watch me. Can you do that?" I nod. "Good girl, now just enjoy. Once I get you to cum, then I'll fuck you. But right now, you have to watch me."

JPOV

I couldn't believe how good it felt to make Bella cum. Her whole body was wound up so tight with all of today's revelations. I was surprised by her stating that she wanted me to make love to her, but I wasn't going to refuse her. I wanted her since…well…if I was honest with myself; I've wanted her too long. Even when we just emailing each other, I would think back to our time at the house in Forks and how beautiful she was. I would fantasize about making love to her and fucking her. I wouldn't have guessed that her lust would skyrocket when I mentioned tying her up. I definitely had a dominate side; I knew Bella was submissive by nature, but wouldn't have dreamed that it would extend into her sex life.

"But right now, you have to watch me." I wouldn't push her too much with dominating her now. Now was the time to be gentle, but I would definitely start pushing some limits. Soft as they are, I wanted to see how she would react. I would rein it in if it started to turn her off.

I looked down at the heavenly site before me. Bella, in all her glory; completely bare, her lips glistening with her arousal. I pulled my thumb from her entrance up to her clit very lightly and I thought she was going to come undone. Her hips gyrated up towards my hand. Her eyes getting heavier as the anticipation clouded her thinking. I could feel my cock twitch with eagerness. I could see her eyes trying to close at the sensation I was providing her.

"Keep them open Bella." Sternly. Her eyes popped open and she smiled down at me. Another bout of lust flew through me. I spread her lips as I lowered my face to her sweet, soaking wet pussy. I did one swipe with my tongue, following my thumbs previous pass from her entrance to her clit. I smiled against her as I heard her moan. "Oh baby, I can't wait to hear you scream, you taste so fucking good. So fucking sweet Bella."

I repeated the motion again and again, going so slowly it was antagonizing her. Her hips bucking up to meet my mouth. I finally held her down with my hand placed flatly on her lower stomach. There would be no way she could move now. Even without tying her in place, I wonder if she realized I had just immobilized her.

Sliding one finger inside her it was my turn to moan. "God Bella, you're so wet, so hot…" I returned my tongue to her clit, making small little circles around her bundle of nerves. My breath was coming out it pants since I was so worked up as well, blowing cold breaths on her hot pussy. Her hands found my hair, pushing me into her core more. But I wasn't going to stop, she had no worries there. I could spend eternity eating Bella out and be happy. I added another finger inside her, feeling her juices slide out around them. God she was so wet. Another finger added, 3 in now and stretching her, getting her ready for my cock. It was throbbing beneath me, readying itself for action.

My tongue continued its assault on her clit, circling, sucking and blowing on it. Her clit was hard, already outside its hood, demanding the attention it deserved. I pulled it in my mouth and began to flick the tip of it with my tongue. My fingers continued their own assault, sliding in and out of Bella's cunt. As I pulled them out, I let one slide down to the bottom of her entrance, the little place between her cunt and her ass. I started messaging it, moist with her own juices. I could feel Bella's muscles start to tighten, in my head I was smiling. Glad she was enjoying my job on her. I looked up at her, she could barely keep her eyes open they were so heavy with lust. With one final lick of my tongue and a slow rub of her special spot, Bella started cumming again.

"Oh Ja…per…..cumming…now" she screamed, releasing all her built up tensions on my face. Her cum started dripping out of her as I released her clit and lowered my head to savor every last drop of it. I could feel her throbbing around my tongue, still coming down from her orgasm. I started the ascent too be able to see my angel's face.

"Jasper, please, please fuck me. I want you so bad." She was reached and grabbing at my shoulders and my hair, trying to get me to go inside her.

"Bella, this might hurt." Was all I got out before she interrupted me. "Jasper, just fuck me, please I'm begging you, I need you inside me now."

I lined up the tip of my cock with her entrance and slid right in. I was worried that she still had her hymen, but it must have broken a while ago, there was no hesitation. I slowly pulled my cock out of her and slid it back in all the way, mimicking my slow assault of her pussy from earlier. With my head near her face, I could finally kiss her again. Sliding my tongue in her lips which were parted from panting so hard.

"Bella, I love you. I'll love you for the rest of my existence. You are it for me." Looking in her eyes, making sure she understood what I was saying to her. A singular small tear slid down from her one of her eyes as I continued to slide in and out of her. The warmth of her against the coolness of my hard body was incredible. Add in the love, lust and desire I was getting from Bella and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

"Harder Jasper, I want you to fuck the tension out of me." I quickened my pace. Lifting Bella's hips up a bit so I could hit her spot, I felt her clamp her muscled back down on my cock, getting ready to release again. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, pulling me down to lay directly on top of her. Her sweat made sliding in and out of her easier and faster.

"Jas….Jasper…..cumming….again….with me…..please" I couldn't wait much longer anyways. I felt all her muscles squeeze down on me as I thrusted in her a couple more times before I spilled my load in her pussy. I slowed the thrusts down, finishing my orgasm as Bella looked up at me and smiled, trying to recover from hers as well.

"Jasper, I'll love you for always and forever." She pulled my face down to meet her lips. Slowly kissing me, I gave her my tongue and she cleaned any of her juices off it that were still there. "MMM..so good Jasper. That felt so good."


	25. Chapter 25

AN: don't own

Please review. This chapter and/or "lemon" chapter. Would love to know what you thought?!

Chapter 25

BPOV

I don't remember falling asleep after Jasper and I made love last night. I remember telling him I'll love him always and forever and a slight wince when he pulled out of me. But I woke up and it was daylight out. The sun seemed high and bright in the West Virginia sky. I couldn't tell what time it was from where I was. I had no desire to move to find a clock or my phone.

"Good afternoon sleepyhead." I heard my angel's voice behind me. A sigh of relief left my body. Jasper had his arms around me from the back. One arm beneath my neck, the other arm tracing circles on my exposed arm and shoulder. I was happy. Blissfully happy.

I remembered the dream I used to have, before seeing Jasper again, of the golden eyes and brown and blond colored hair. The smile that broke all the rules and realized it was him. It was Jasper. I guess I was in denial for so long, never wanted to believe that I had fallen in love with him, but I look back now and feel stupid that it took me so long.

"Afternoon?"

"Yeah, by the time you fell asleep, it was almost sunrise. After yesterday, I wanted you to be able to catch some good rest, so I let you sleep. It's just a couple minutes past noon."

I turned over to look at my angel. I realized I had no clothes on, but instead of being embarrassed, I was accepting. He had already seen me naked, no sense covering up now. As I curled up onto his chest, he completed the circle around me with his arms and it was his turn to sigh.

"Are Peter and Charlotte back?"

"Yeah, they got back about 2 hours ago. Are you ok? Not that I regret last night, it was incredible, but you threw me for a loop you know?"

"I knew this question was going to come up sooner or later. I don't know if I can explain it right." I pulled out of his embrace a little, receiving a disparaging look from him for it, and sat indian style on his bed trying to hold up the sheet but failing miserably. Jasper turned on his side, propped his head on his elbow and looked up at me with his beautiful dark gold eyes. His other hand lightly stroking my now revealed naked leg. "You need to hunt soon."

"Don't change the subject."

"Fine. I'll continue. After everything yesterday, I needed to end yesterday on a positive note, like the day began. After you told me your history, all I could think of was it was the dawn of a new day, literally and figuratively, I was so happy yesterday morning. I didn't want to end the day, the day I found out you loved me, on any other wavelength. Does that make sense? Probably not, I told you I don't know if I can ex…" My voice was cut off by Jaspers lips. It was a sweet kiss. I had missed seeing him move but responded to his lips instantly, opening my mouth to taste his alluring scent. The kiss was over before I could really get into it, Jasper had moved back to his previous position with a guilty smirk on his face.

"Makes complete sense. You could have told me last night though. Do you feel ok? Are you sore? I didn't hurt you did I?" Worry and relief counteracting each other on his face.

"Do you feel pain coming from me? Do you feel anything other than complete bliss?" I laid back down next to him, he rolled over on his back, pulling me up on his chest a bit.

"No, but I wanted to make sure. You know I love you, right?" I nodded. There was no doubt in my mind that Jasper loved me, I just didn't know about this soul mate thing hanging between us. I was willing to spend eternity with him; but couldn't bring myself to ask him if he felt the same way.

"Come on, let's go speak with Peter and Charlotte. I'm sure they have questions." I pulled some clothes out of my bag, and grabbed my toiletries and headed to the bathroom. After departing just a couple of minutes later, feeling slightly more human and less morning monster-ish Jasper grabbed my hand and we went downstairs.

Peter and Charlotte were sitting on the couch, both reading the same book when we descended the last step. Wagging his eyebrows at me, Peter asked if I had a good night. To which Charlotte smacked him upside the back of the head. I knew I liked that girl. Someone has to keep him in line.

Jasper went to the kitchen to grab me a cup of coffee Charlotte had made while I curled up on the oversized chair across from them. Both their eyes were bright red, indicative of a good nights hunt. When he returned, he put the coffee on the table next to the chair, sat down next to me, pulling me onto his lap before handing me my morning/afternoon caffeine fix.

"How you feeling this morning Bella?" Charlotte asked me. Truly nothing but concern for me showing in her eyes. "Better, thank you Charlotte."

"Honey, my family calls me Char." I smiled at her gesture of considering me family. It meant a lot to me that Jasper's friends welcomed me so readily.

"I suppose you guys want to know what happened? What did you tell them yesterday J?" Sipping my coffee, I looked at Jasper who was smiling happily at his brother and sister. I don't think I ever saw him so content living with the Cullen's. A resounding sadness swept through me realizing that it was like he was being held inside a wall-less cage while living with them. Never feeling as free as I can see he does right now.

He raised his eyebrow at me, questioning the feeling coming off me, but I just shook my head. Hopefully we would have enough time to talk about all of my revelations over the next couple of weeks.

Jasper explained that he had told Peter the entire story and Peter had relayed it to Char. From him waking me up to Alice and Demetri's intrusion to my first revelation in the truck yesterday about how close I had become to Rose and Jasper after trusting Alice and Edward so much in the beginning. Jasper quickly asked if I minded if Rose and Em came for a visit, apparently already sick of the Alice and Demetri show going on at the Cullens. When I told him I would love it, he quickly texted Rose to come on down. Nodding my head that Peter and Char were fully up to speed so to speak, I turned to them with the one question I knew they had.

"So I guess you want to know what I am going to do?" Jasper tightened his grip around my waist ever so slightly while Peter and Char looked me directly in the eye nodding. "Well I guess I get my stuff in order, maybe make a trip back to Forks to see my dad once more and in a month become a vampire. No big deal." Taking another sip of my coffee, I could see the wheels turning in Peter's head. Jasper had a surprise look on his face that I could see out of the peripheral of my line of sight, but the start of a smile or annoyed smirk on his lips. I couldn't tell which one it was.

"That's all? That's it? No big scene, no pissed off comments about the cock sucking evil pixie bitch or the mind reading scum bag who played with your life? I gotta say Bella, I'm a little disappointed. I would have thought that the Major's mate would be a little more aggressive, a little more, I don't know, spit fire-ish." Peter hit the nail on the head with that one. I immediately felt a huge round of sadness realizing that Alice must have been wrong. I had made the decision so quickly, because I wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe Jasper and I were soul mates that I didn't care to take into account, especially after hearing Jasper's story, that his true soul mate, the one perfect fit for him, would not be so accepting of the situation without fighting for her right to make her own decisions.

I quickly pulled myself out of Jasper's lap and ran back upstairs. On the way Char must have smacked Pete upside the back of the head again because I heard Peter say "damn woman, what the hell was that for?" I ran back into the bathroom, closing the door and sliding down onto my butt with my back braced against it. It wouldn't stop any of the residents here from coming in, but it made me feel a small amount better. I replayed everything Peter had told me, over and over in my head realizing he was right. There is no way I am Jasper's soul mate. Sure, I had healed myself after Edward. I had gotten more of a backbone. I wouldn't take peoples shit lying down anymore, but I wasn't strong like Jasper was. Too endure all he has gone through, he deserves someone truly amazing, someone stronger than my will would ever take me.

I thought about last night, making love with him. How our bodies seem to fit together perfectly. There was no pain, there were no awkward movements. My body responded to his like he owned it, like it was part of him. I don't regret last night. If I ended up changing my mind over the next month and decide to die, then I can say with all certainty that my first ( and probably only) time being intimate with someone was with a person I was madly in love with. More tears came running down my face as I realized I had ONCE again fallen in love with a vampire that I wasn't good enough for.

I heard a soft knock on the door but refused to acknowledge it. "Bella? Honey, it's me. I sent the boys out to hunt. I'm the only one here, can I come in please?" I took a huge breath, internally debating whether or not to let Char in. Politeness won out over anything else. I moved to the other side of the bathroom, leaving the door able to be opened. I stayed on the ground, knees up against my chest with my hands wrapped securely around them. Remembering the hole that my chest used to have when Edward broke my heart; this feeling was completely different. This felt like my whole body was coming apart. I once thought I was trying to keep my the broken pieces of my heart together in my body, now I felt like every ounce of my being was being ripped apart from me; piece by piece. The longer I sat there, the worse the pain in my body got.

I didn't look up as Char entered the room. She walked over to the bathtub and sat down, keeping her distance from me. I just kept rocking back and forth, trying to forget the pain my body was being encompassed in now.

"Do you want to tell me what exactly got you so upset? I know Peters an ass sometimes, but I hope you realized he was kidding down there. Pete and I couldn't be happier for you and Jasper. He's finally found someone that loves him for who he is. And we can tell how much he loves you too."

As she spoke, more tears came. Realizing that Peter, while he thought he might have been joking, really did hit the nail of the head of the problem. I just shook my head. I didn't want to talk to anyone yet. Char and I sat there in silence while I cried. At one point, she handed me some tissues, but then resumed her place on the end of the bathtub, me on the floor facing her about 4 feet away.

After a while, my tears started to ebb. Whether from acceptance or dehydration I don't know. I allowed myself to lift my head and look at Char. She hadn't moved of course, but the smile from earlier this morning downstairs was now completely gone. Pain running across her face as I realized she probably had no idea what to do with a bumbling human crying in her bathroom. I let out a small chuckle at the thought of me confusing a vampire.

"Sorry about that." It was all I could think of saying to her.

"Apparently Peter has more to apologize for than he thinks. Do you feel like talking now?"

"There isn't anything to talk about Char. Peter just said something that I had already been thinking and it hit a nerve. No harm, no foul."

"Bella, honey, I know you don't know me worth a damn, but let me explain something to you. While I love my husband more than my own life, he truly is an ass sometimes. As it is he usually talks out of his ass also, but that being said, he probably doesn't realize what he said that was wrong. We aren't around humans a lot, so he is a little out of practice, but I can tell you one thing, in all the years that we have known Jasper, he has never looked as happy as he does with you. Certainly not with Maria and NEVER with Alice. So why don't you explain to me what you think my husband 'hit a nerve' with as you say?"

I realized that she probably wasn't going to give up on this. Taking a deep breath and hoping to god that I could make it through this without loosing it again and crying; I pushed everything back down. Like I had when Edward left; making myself numb to the pain. I blurted out, "I'm not good enough to be Jasper's true soul mate." I kept my head down, not looking at her while I said it, afraid that she would nod in affirmation of my statement. I heard a heavy sigh and saw her feet suddenly out the bottom of my eyesight. She sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulder. Just that simple act of kindness set me off again and the tears started flowing freely.

I don't know how long we sat there. I never heard Jasper and Peter come back, not that I really expected to be able to hear them. But Char never said another word to me, just sat there rubbing my arm and letting me cry. I didn't know if I should be appreciative or bothered by the fact that she didn't try to fill me with a line of bullshit about how I was wrong….or right.

"I'm gonna go get you a bottle of water, why don't you clean yourself up a bit and go lay down. I'll bring you some crackers or something to snack on and you can rest. Okay honey? You can't be comfortable sitting on the floor this long." She stood up gracefully before reaching down to lend me her hand. I grabbed it and she gently pulled me up and into her arms, hugging me. "It'll work out. It always does honey." With that, she left the room.

I stared at myself in the mirror, realizing that I have now just lost two days of my life dealing with drama caused by certain members of the Cullen family. Because of Alice's comment yesterday, I had allowed myself to revert to my post-Edward days. Sighing, I splashed some water on my face and headed back to the bedroom. I still couldn't hear Jasper or Peter; Char wasn't making a sound downstairs, but I didn't really expect her too.

I climbed in bed, again reliving the memories of last night. A fresh round of tears falling. I curled up in a ball under the covers and just gave myself over to my grief.

"Hi." My sobs came louder as I heard my angels voice from the door behind me. Within seconds, I was wrapped in his arms. I could feel him kissing my head.

JPOV

My mouth dropped as I felt the utter and complete sadness come off Bella responding to Peter's statement. I was frozen from it as I watched her run upstairs and slam one of the doors, listening to her fall to the ground and cry.

"What did I say wrong?" my brother said. I flew over to him in a rage, slamming him into the wall behind the couch; my hand gripping his throat, cutting off his ability to speak, a growl growing in my chest at the thought that somehow Bella got hurt by his words. I heard Char behind me, calmly telling me to take Peter and go hunt. She would speak with Bella, woman to woman. Basically kicking us both out of the house.

I released my brother's throat, and flew out the back door. I was so torn between going to help Bella and allowing Char to. It was my job. She was my mate. Right? But I truly didn't understand what got her so upset. Just moments ago, we were both completely happy. I ran through everything that happened over the past 48 hours. She had been through so much. I never treated her as anything less than my equal, but the fact was my brain processed things differently than hers. I had a lot longer to absorb things on a conscious level. Even while we were making love last night, a part of my brain, albeit a VERY small part of my brain, was making plans on proceeding with Bella's change and how to handle the Cullens. There would have to be a price paid for the way they treated her. On top of that, I had all night, while she slept, to continue the thinking process. She had, what, a couple of hours on the trip down here yesterday. That was really it. And part of that, she slept through. Her body and mind were just exhausted.

Then to be subjected to Peter's sarcastic comments first thing in the morning. Something he said hurt her. But what? He didn't like the fact that there was no visible anger from her. Easily explainable. Bella doesn't stay angry at people. He thought she should be more aggressive or more 'spit fire-ish'. I realized last night that Bella is very submissive, thus lacking in aggression. But what did he say before that? He thought my mate would be more aggressive? Did he imply that Bella was so passive that she couldn't be my mate? Does Bella think we aren't mates? Oh god, that's it.

All of this past through my mind as I ran aimlessly through the forest behind Peter's cottage. I lost myself in my instincts and took down a couple of animals, savagely ripping through their skin with no known knowledge of what blood I am consuming. I could feel his remorse and hesitation behind me, closing in on me. I sent him some negativity. I didn't want to be around him right now. He slightly slowed down, but didn't stop following me. If he doubted, for one instance, that Bella wasn't strong enough to be my mate, we were going to have problems. My rage was boiling inside me as I pushed myself further away from the cottage, faster than I have ever pushed myself before.

The further I got away from the cottage, the more I felt miserable, for allowing Bella to be put in this situation. I should have done something differently. I should have killed Alice and Demetri right then and there. I should have warned Peter that I have been getting some negative feelings off Bella that we needed to speak about before he turned into the world class asswipe that I know and love.

I fell to the ground, pounding the floor before me. Hatred and rage fueling the red haze I see in front of my eyes right now. My fists hitting the ground, causing strong vibrations through the earth all around me. I could hear small branches breaking off the trunks of the trees surrounding me, dropping to the ground around. My heart ached that Bella was in this position.

I felt myself fall further to the floor, curling up and trying to hold myself together. It felt like every ounce of my being was being ripped apart from me, piece by piece. I didn't know if I had the strength to pull myself out of this pit of despair. I didn't know if I wanted to get pulled out of it. I felt like I was going under.

I felt Peter around me. Staying far enough away that I wouldn't launch myself at him right now. I was not in control of myself. Peter knew that. He would let me figure out a way to calm myself down, then we could discuss it. Unfortunately, the last time I felt something close to this level of despair, I was still with Maria. Calming myself down meant destroying a new batch of newborns. My 'Major' took over that job. But it was enough to get rid of the excess anger I had and to allow me to return to a more calm state. Since there were no newborns around; that and I didn't live like that anymore; I didn't know how to do this by myself.

"I can help if you let me" he said. He still stood about 20 feet from me. But his tone and emotions told me there was no judgement, nothing but remorse coming from my friend. I looked up at him, the red haze was still visible in my line of sight, but I could tell that it was fading in intensity. "How?" I could hear the pain in my voice as I spoke.

"You have to go back to Bella and talk with her. Find out what upset her so much. The pain will go away once you understand." Peter and I knew each other well enough that he knew I was in pain, but I had no idea how he knew that by going back to Bella the pain would decrease. For all I know, I would be overwhelmed by her emotions and lash out again, this time possibly hurting her in the process. I couldn't chance that. I couldn't go back until I figured this pain out by myself and return to her strong.

Something slowly changed in the level of the pain. It became almost numbing. Like it was becoming part of me and I would be able to live around it, but it would never leave my body, my heart, my silent hear and my soul. I was able to sit up, pulling my hands simultaneously through my hair, I huffed out "She thinks we aren't mates. At least that's what I think got her so upset. I was getting little bits and pieces of unworthiness from her every since our conversation with Alice yesterday, but they were fleeting, then disappeared. I knew they were from Bella, but since they didn't linger, I didn't put together the fact that she might actually believe we aren't mates. I think what you said, and who you are to me, reinforced the idea in her mind."

Peter took a single step forward, closing the distance between us a little bit more. "And what do you think?" He didn't say it accusingly, but it still caused me to growl at him. I was still agitated enough that he didn't proceed any further.

"Even with what she did, Alice is usually right about these things. But I have to tell you, compared to what you and Char have or Emmett and Rose, hell even Carlisle and Esme have this connection. It's just different than what I have with Bella. I know I am in love with her. And I know she is in love with me, but what happens if I turn her then one of us find our true mate and the other one is left in the dust again. I don't think I could go through that again and I sure as hell don't think Bella could go through it again." As much as it hurt me saying these words out loud, I had been thinking them in some part of my brain every since Alice said the words soul mate yesterday. It was almost a relief to be able to voice them, as much as the meaning behind them pained me and tore into my soul like nothing I have ever felt before. It was at times like this, I hated my gift.

"But you love her, right?"

"Of course, more than my own life. I am worth nothing without her in my life. But if I put it together, it won't take long for her to put it together too. She's extremely observant. It was one of things Edward always found annoying, while I find it absolutely intriguing. For all I know, she already figured it out."

"Then there is no problem. She loves you, you love her. Even if she stayed human, there are no guarantees in relationships, maybe you guys just need to have a deal or something." I looked at him with a 'what the fuck' look.

"Peter, I can't play with someone's life like that. Especially hers. She has too much history with our kind to go into this life without less than an eternal commitment. It's what she would expect and what I want to give her."

He took another step forward and sat down. I had lost my red haze of rage and was dealing with the numbing sensation filling my body. I had to concentrate on what Peter was feeling instead of just automatically knowing. A part of me wondered if vampires can have a nervous breakdown. Maybe that was what was wrong with my gift right now.

"I have to talk to her. I can't leave her like this. I shouldn't even have left her at all." I stood and dusted myself off. Looking at Peter quickly, I saw him stay where he was for a moment. Concentrating hard, all I could feel from him was sadness. Such a contradictory emotion for the man I have known for almost my whole immortal life. I nodded at him, he stood and we ran back in the direction of the cottage.

As I neared, the pain did lessen, but only slightly. I slowed down, trying to get a feel on where Bella was and what she was feeling, only to be returned to the numbing sensation that I was slowly getting used to being a part of me. Was this from her? Or was I projecting it to her? My mind was a jumble of emotions right now and I couldn't even tell the difference, I just knew I had to get to her. See her and hold her.

Somehow I needed to make this right for her. For us.

Char was downstairs when I walked in the cottage. At our normal speed, she told me Bella was upstairs cleaning up and going to lay down. She had just left Bella to get her some water and crackers. I told her I would bring it up to her. Peter had followed me in and went straight to Char. Both their sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to brace myself against the pillar in the room to keep myself from collapsing. If I hadn't felt it, I could see her concern written all over her face. For me? For Bella? For both of us? I didn't know.

I heard Bella start sobbing upstairs, a bout of sadness flooding my body and soul. Both Peter and Char looked up at the ceiling with me at the same time. I grabbed the stuff that Char had put together for her and flew up there as fast as my legs would carry. I needed to be with her right now.

"Hi" was all I said as I walked in the room, seeing her small frame curled up in much the same fashion that I was out in forest, except she was under the covers in our bed. Immediately, my thoughts went back to last night. Making love to Bella had been the most intense thing I had ever felt in my 140 years of existence. And now look at where we are.


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 26

BPOV

I didn't know if I was strong enough to turn around and look at Jasper. I tried to work on controlling my sobs and emotions. Everything going through my mind must be causing Jasper to have a migraine. I started to calm down, instantly realizing it was J. I wasn't even mad that he didn't ask. At this point, I knew I needed to calm down.

"Are you going to talk to me Bella?"

"M sorry" a couple of stray tears started to fall again. I had hoped that maybe we could get through this conversation without me becoming a blubbering idiot. I didn't know what was wrong with me lately. All I seem to be doing the past 24 hours was crying. I took a deep breath and turned over to see my angel.

The torment my emotions were causing him were evident on his beautiful face. I slowly raised my hand to his face to try and smooth the concern away. He tilted his head into my hand turning his head slightly to kiss the inside of my palm.

"I think we both need to work a little bit on our conversation skills darling. This running, on both of our sides, isn't good." His voice was heaven to my ears. One of the things that I love about Jasper is how he can tell me I am wrong, but he doesn't do it maliciously. He's just trying to get me to see things a different way. And he admits when he is wrong.

"Running?" I guess it would look like that. After our conversation with Alice yesterday, I ran upstairs. Today, I didn't like what Peter said and I ran. "What do you mean both of us?"

"After you ran up here, I flew at Peter and almost decapitated him for making you upset, and then Char kicked us out. I ran almost back to New York before I stopped. Plus I did it the other day, when you asked about my history. Seems like both of us have a hard time hearing some things. I'll tell you why I ran, if you tell me why you did?" He looked down at me with the most beautiful smile. His eyes, while still sad, had returned to their gold color.

I took a deep breath, not really wanting to admit to my fears, but knew I had to. Forever or not, we had to learn to talk to each other. We spent so much of the past year communicating via email or phone, maybe we were scared of a physical reaction. Over the phone, Jasper wasn't affected by my emotions. Over the phone, I could somewhat pretend that Jasper wasn't the super vampire he is. I had forgotten what it was like to live in the supernatural world. Always feeling like my brain is weaker, my strength is less. I had thought I had developed a pretty good level of self confidence. Maybe it only existed because I had removed myself from the ones I always knew were better than me.

I started explaining this to Jasper, once I was able to put my thoughts into words. He never interrupted or told me I was wrong or right. He just listened to me. Much like he did when we would be on the phone. I never moved from the crook of his arm. His fingers drawing lazy circles on my shoulder.

"Yesterday, I was so excited to see Alice, I forgot everything about her visions. I used to hate that she would turn me into a dress up doll, buy me an outfit and then tell me she saw me wearing it when I knew the only reason I would wear it is BECAUSE she bought it for me and I didn't want her to feel bad. Like Edward, she took a lot of my choices away from me. I didn't want to put myself back in the midst of being her puppet, so I ran. She was supposed to be my friend and she let me go through all of that. I hate her for that." Whispering the last part. I know a part of Jasper still loves Alice, I felt horrible for admitting that to him.

"I do too Bella. I hate her too for that. It's ok. You don't have to like everyone and if seeing Alice upset you, then you don't see her anymore. It's that simple." Why does explaining things to Jasper always make it better? Like the easiest solution in the world, is the correct one. I didn't know if it would be that easy with Alice, especially considering the tentative renovation I have coming up in a month, but until then, I could try.

"What about today B? What did Peter say that got you so upset?"

I took a couple of deep breaths. Blaming Alice and being mad at her for a problem is one thing, admitting my underlining fear to the man I love is a completely other thing. "No, you first. Why did you run after I asked about your history?" Offering a compromise I hoped he would take, I needed more time before I opened my fear file.

He rolled his eyes at me, obviously aware of my scheme. He took a deep breath and looked down at me. The sadness was waning from his eyes a little bit. Love shining down through them now. I smiled at him, hoping to encourage him to talk to me as well.

"I couldn't afford to loose you. Besides Peter, you are my closest friend. We can talk about anything. I couldn't afford to loose that. It's hard hearing what I have done in my past." I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he put a finger across my lips, shaking his head side to side. "Let me finish."

"There is a lot in my past that I am not proud of. But I can't dwell on it forever; otherwise it will eat me alive. Once I found Alice and she helped me learn a different way to live, I was able to let go of my guilt. I was able to see that I really had made a lot of changes for the better. When I ran out of the house the other day, Rose followed. She reminded me I am not Maria's major anymore. It's also when I realized that I had fallen in love with you. That's what scared me the most. If I told you my past, and it wasn't something you could accept, I knew I would be crushed. You have become extremely important to me and while I didn't want to think that you couldn't accept it, part of me had to become ready for the pain if it happened that way. I had to start thinking more clinically, colder, removing some of the emotion from me to try and go on." He exhaled. He snuggled down on the bed a little more. So we were more face to face. Each of us lying on our side. "We still haven't talked about what you heard? Do you have any questions about my history Bella?" I got lost in his eyes for a moment. The most perfect shade of gold staring back at me. I fell in love with him more after hearing his confession of being scared. It takes a strong man to admit to feeling weakness over anything.

"I'm afraid we aren't mates." I blurted out. I looked away, not wanting to see the look on his face at my admission. I heard a heavy sigh from him, but still couldn't bring myself to look at him. Admitting he was scared of my reaction to his past and doubting what we have are two different things.

"I am too. It's why I ran today. Charlotte gave me the best gift by telling me to get out of the house for a bit." He admitted.

My eyes darted back to him. He felt it too. We both had the same fear and instead of helping each other through the fear, we ran from each other. "Tell me about it!" Apparently I said the last part out loud. I kinda smiled at him, at the thought that we are thinking alike, but the smile faded as I realized that both have doubts about the relationship.

"Let's start with the human fear and we will work over to the vampire one ok," he offered.

I nodded and told him what I told Char. That I didn't think I was strong enough to be his mate. With everything he had lived through, I would imagine his mate to be extremely powerful. Peter's words, questioning my inaction-so to speak-reconfirmed my worse thought. There was no way I was strong enough for him. That brought back a lot of the feelings from my post-Edward days, feeling the weakness of being a human and falling in love with a vampire that should be with someone better than me. I told him that after that, it was a spiral, I had sat on the bathroom floor with Char for who knows how long, just crying. Allowing the depression to come over me until I pushed it down so far, like I did before and started to feel the numbness come through.

His eyes widen slightly as I spoke about the numbness.

I told him about my earlier thought that it was easy for him to be my friend over the phone and email because my emotions weren't constantly battering against him. That I thought maybe because I had surrounded myself with human's that it made my self confidence seem larger than it is. When I am around people like me, I know there are things I have advantages to and disadvantages. When I am around vampires, its almost all disadvantages. How that fed back into the cycle of not being good enough and I would relive what Edward said to me. I told him how I felt like I was in a pit of despair and I didn't know if I could get out. That it felt like every part of my soul was being pulled from me, piece by piece.

I had started crying again, but not too hard. It's harder to admit that you have faults and fears than actually facing them sometimes. But just lying there with Jasper, I hoped things could get better. I needed to stop running from everything. Learn to hold my head up high. Sure there were things I could do better, but that goes for everyone.

He moved his face a little closer to mine and kissed the end of my nose. "Thank you." My eyes widened. "For what, being a crying fool for the past 2 days?"

"No, for trusting me with your fears. Everything you said can be applied to everyone. Human's and immortals. Some of your fears are the exact ones I had when I met Alice. It was, of course, a little easier that I could feel that she was being honest, but I was still afraid. Especially after what I lived through." His voice was low, we were inches apart, our legs intertwined with each other. In any other situation, it probably would be a very intimate pose; for me it felt like I just couldn't get close enough to him right now.

"Jasper, why don't you think we are mates? Do you know something I don't about us?" His eyes lost a little bit of their shine as I asked my question and it was his turn to look down.

I didn't say anything. We need to have this conversation. If it was bad news, then we needed to deal with it head on. If not, we will never make any headway. I pulled out a pair of my mental 'big girl panties' and put them on. Pulling his chin with my finger, I knew I was fighting a loosing battle to actually get him to move if he didn't want to. Thankfully, he complied with my request. He looked me in the eyes, "because I don't feel the 'pull' with you" He closed his eyes and sighed again. The look of sadness evident on his face.

But I was confused, "what pull?" He didn't say anything, just laid there with his eyes closed holding me, breathing in my scent.

"Jasper? What pull are you talking about?"

He didn't want to continue his fear. That much was evident. But I knew he would. As we did before, I just laid there, next to him, putting my hand on his face and pulling it through his loose curls.

"Bella, do you remember when I told you about how vampires know who their mates are?" I tried to remember back when we had talked about it. It was shortly after we first started communicating, almost 10 months ago. He explained to me that mated vampires were connected to each other. I didn't remember him using the word 'pull' though. "Kind of?! I remember a little of the conversation, but I don't remember you telling me about a pull"

"When we meet our mates, we recognize them by scent or by the pull. It's kind of like an invisible string, connecting two souls together. I've been lucky to be around a couple of mated pairs; Peter and Char, Em and Rose and even Carlisle and Esme, although theirs is actually pretty weak compared to the other 2 couples. Anyway, I have been able to be around them when they are separated from each other. When that happens, like when Em and I used to go hunting together for a couple of days, Em would have a really hard time being separated from Rose. Her too. Sometimes it got so bad he would just sit there and scratch at his heart. He and Peter both told me it's like having a rubber band inside you, trying to get you back where you belong. Keeping you connected so that you are never far apart. I only felt a fraction of it from them, but it's supposed to be very intense. If I was your soul mate, I wouldn't have been able to stay away from you for the past year and a half. It would have been impossible for me to be that far from you. A couple of times, I thought you were my mate. Even before Alice said something, but it doesn't explain the lack of the 'pull' The only other thing was the intense amount of protection I had to offer you. But the pull exists in every mated relationship. It's how we define a mate. You know one of the laws is to never expose our secret. Another law is if you kill part of a mated couple, you have to kill them both. It's why Victoria was after you. James was her mate. It would have been extremely painful for her to exist after I killed him. It's part of the reason why Peter and I went after her that summer. It wasn't fair for her to have to go on after loosing him."

"But I want you to know I still love you very much. Bella, I still want you to stay with me. Ultimately this is your decision, but please don't go thinking anything stupid like not taking Aro's offer of changing because of what I said. I told you I would always be honest with you and I had to keep my word. I don't want to loose you. I'm in love you." His voice, while urgent in its current request, still carried a haunted tone to it from its most recent admission.

I knew I had tears welling up in my eyes from his explanation. Where my fears might have been able to be squashed with building trust, Jasper's fears were more concrete. No pull equals no mates.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 27

JPOV

Telling Bella that I didn't have the mating pull with her was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do in my long life. Watching her beautiful brown eyes well up with tears as she realized what I was saying was horrible. I knew Alice and I weren't mates, but I called Bella my mate even before Alice said anything. I didn't understand what was going on.

Bella's stomach started growling and I realized that she hadn't eaten anything in at least a day. "Come on, let's get you something to eat." Pulling her up off the bed with me, I grabbed her into a hug. Using her amazing springtime scent to help center me I told her "We'll figure this out together. But neither of us can run again, deal?"

I felt her nod against my chest, pulling her hand to wipe her eyes. The tears had stopped flowing for now and we would start fresh. My first order of business was to get Bella food. Rose and Emmett should be arriving soon and hopefully that will lighten everyone's spirits a bit. While Bella and I couldn't change the pull situation, I needed her to understand that I had still fallen in love with her and wanted her with me for as long as possible. I only hope that would be enough for her to choose to stay alive.

We still needed to deal with the fact that Alice had told us Bella's choice was tied to Edward's destiny.

As Bella went into the bathroom to shower, I went downstairs to see what I could make her for dinner. As I got to the bottom of the stairs, Peter and Char walked in with a big flat box; "Figured she might like some pizza for dinner?"

I smiled at my pain in the ass friend. His 'know it all gift' did come in handy at the most peculiar times. Bella joined us a couple of minutes later. Smiling shyly at both Peter and Char.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was inappropriate for me to run from both of you and especially Jasper. Char, thank you for your help." She sat in the corner of the couch, curled up against the arm rest. Her eyes still looked puffy from crying, but I still thought she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I handed her a slice of the pizza Peter had brought in and put a bottle of water next to her on the table.

Peter was staring at her with anticipation in his eyes. I didn't know what he expected from her. I tried sending him some annoyance, but there was still a numbness floating through me and I couldn't find the strength to manipulate him. He must have sensed something was wrong cause he looked up at me; "What's wrong with you major? You look like you got your panties in a bunch!" Bella giggled a little bit as she started eating her pizza.

"Ever since I was in the forest with you, I have had a numbing feeling throughout my body. I can't feel your emotions properly, I just tried sending you something and it didn't work." Peter just nodded his head at me. Char was sitting on the same couch with Bella, at the other end. "What do you mean numbing feeling? I never heard of your gift having problems."

I just shrugged my shoulders. I honestly have never had problems with my gift. I learned to control it pretty quickly after my change and since then it had only strengthened. I could affect someone's emotions for a couple hundred feet. Now, my best friend is 10 feet from me and I can't send him some simple annoyance. How annoying!

Let's just add one more problem to the ever growing list of things that we need to solve.

I heard Rose and Emmett's car in the distance and let Bella know they were arriving. She smiled genuinely. The first I saw since we made love the other night. After she finished her pizza, her and Char went to the kitchen. Bella was still hungry, but didn't want any more pizza. They returned with a bag of popcorn and she curled back up on the couch. I was still standing near there, but mentally trying to figure out what was wrong with my gift.

I guess I had zoned out because all of a sudden I was on the ground with a big giant hand around my throat. Emmett sat over me, laughing his head off. "Hey, I finally got you. I can't believe I was able to tackle you. Boy, you should have seen the look on your face!"

"Get off me Emmett."

He pulled off me and helped me up, still laughing. I didn't remember them even coming in, much less being tackled by Emmett. In the fifty or so years that I lived with him, he has never been able to tackle me. Now he is going to think that he can try that shit all the time. "Hey Rosie, did you see that? I finally got him"

"Yes Emmett, I saw it." Rose said, sounding annoyed. Her arms were full with bags, while Emmett was standing there STILL laughing. He flew over to her and apologized, kissing her. I suddenly got a huge burst of love filling my senses. It was stronger than anything I have every felt. This I knew for sure. Peter and Char were sitting on the chair, just cuddling with each other. I didn't think it was coming from them. Their love is a little more lusty, still strong, but erotically strong. Emmett and Rose's love was similar to that. Plenty of love and lust, but theirs also had familial attachments to it. I had been with each couple long enough to be able to identify how they felt about their mates. I looked over at Bella, the only person left in the room. She sat there, staring at me and smiling.

"Is this you?" I asked, flying over to where she was. I knelt down in front of her, rubbing her legs. "What are you thinking right now?" she looked at me, her chocolate eyes meeting my gold ones. Clearly, this emotion was coming from Bella, the look of love shining clearly through her eyes. But the intensity was overwhelming. I had never, in over 140 years, never felt this strong of a love. EVER. Much less to feel it from a human was astounding. Vampire emotions were always stronger than humans. This emotion, this love, was stronger than any emotion I had faced since I started understanding my power. And it was coming from Bella?

She looked around at everyone in the room, with one of her hands; she grabbed mine from her leg and wrapped both hands around it and looked back at me. "I was just thinking how much I love you. Love this family. Trust you. I trust in us to be able to figure this whole mess out." I felt another burst of love and complete trust coming from Bella. Whatever was wrong with my power a couple of minutes ago was gone. Bella's emotions were clear as day to me.

I tried sending her my love, knowing it hit her when she shuttered a little and squeezed my hand tighter. "Thank you for loving me so much" she whispered. Everyone in the room heard it, but I didn't care. The intensity and strength of the one burst of love that I just got from Bella was almost enough to make me collapse. For a brief second, I got extremely agitated and thought _fuck, why can't I just feel the pull with her?_

The six of us sat in the living room for a couple of hours relaxing. Rose and Emmett filled us in on what happened with Alice and Demetri after we left. Peter and Char were laughing hysterically at their love of looking at themselves in the mirror.

We didn't really speak about the problems going on, with Rose and Emmett here now, there was enough time to get into them later. Bella and I had an unspoken pact to not talk about the problems for the rest of the night. We weren't running away this time, just relaxing in each other's presence. I think for the past couple of days we had lived in enough drama. I made a mental promise to try and get Bella to relax a little bit and have some fun. She had enough on her mind; I didn't need her to have a breakdown because she was overloaded with problems.

Finally Bella started yawning, we excused ourselves to go lay down. I wanted to stay with her tonight, holding her. After the past couple of days, I just needed to relax and have a break to myself as well. Bella quickly changed and hopped into bed, curling right back up to me. The same position we were in before. She lay on my chest, drawing circles over my heart and I could feel the love pouring out of her again. I basked in it for a few moments; "you know that's gonna get addicting Bella. I haven't felt such pure emotions ever. I think I'm getting drunk over here"

She started giggled but didn't say anything. I listened to her heartbeat even out and slow. Within minutes, she was asleep and I absorbed as much of her love as I could before it faded into the peaceful serenity that human's need to sleep.

While Bella slept, I made a mental list of all the problems that we now had:

30 day time limit on Bella's life-courtesy of Alice Cullen (part of trouble twosome) and boy toy Demetri; trusted member of Volturri guard

Decision on number 1 results in deciding fate for Edward Cullen- other part of trouble twosome

Numbness and inability to utilize my gift properly-although after Bella's love hit me, it seemed to be working well, maybe it was just a glitch. Although I had never had one before…

And finally

No mating pull with Bella. This was the hardest for me to deal with. I am 100% completely in love with the young woman lying in my arms. I don't see how Alice could be wrong, especially with me acknowledging Bella as my mate prior to Alice even making her statement. I didn't get any deception from Alice during our conversation. I didn't think she was lying, but now with the problems I am having with my gift, could I have missed something? What would Alice gain by lying to me about Bella being my mate?

There were no easy solutions for any of the issues that we were facing. I think Bella was right, there really is a lot of drama around.

APOV

'That's right. Keeping thinking those thoughts. You know the decision you want to make. There's no pull Bella. No pull equals no mates. What would you do if Jasper left you after you changed?'

The thoughts running through my head as I return from a vision of the two of them lying in bed together. At least I didn't have to run through what I saw last night. Don't get me wrong, Jaspers fuck-hot in bed, but I didn't really want to watch them go at it.

"Anything new Ali?" I shook my head, her decisions weren't final. She was fighting with herself on which way to go.

"Not yet." Demetri pulled me into a kiss that makes my knees feel weak. "We'll figure it out. As long as they don't head to Italy, we are fine. We can't let them see any of the Kings, it would ruin everything."

I nodded at him, while pulling him down on the bed and returning his kiss. I was hoping to get him to take care of me more. I have been insatiable since I have been with him.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 28

BPOV

I awoke in the arms of my love, slightly depressed from all the news of the past couple of days. But more resigned. Whatever decision I made, I had to be sure that Jasper would be ok afterwards. He was the most important person in my life now, and I had to make sure he would always be happy. Even if it wasn't with me.

We hadn't really discussed anything with Emmett and Rose when they arrived. Choosing rather to relax and enjoy each other's company over the next couple of days. I loved getting to know Peter and Char and the awkwardness resulting from my running away slowly started to fade. I spent a lot of time with both Char and Rose; listening to them talk about their lives. Both human and immortal memories were shared. I loved hearing about all the traveling that Peter and Char had done. A part of me wondered if I allowed the change to occur, would Jasper and I travel or would we get a house and live somewhere, similar to how the Cullens lived? I knew I wouldn't care about the answer as long as I was with him.

"We need to go grocery shopping today Bella?" Char said, interrupting my train of thought. "I only grabbed a couple of things, since I didn't know what you liked. Why don't you get ready and we can head out? I need to stop by the store and get a couple of things for the house as well. We need some more furniture. I want to turn the office upstairs into a bedroom. Would you mind if we stopped at the furniture store as well?"

I couldn't imagine Rose and Emmett staying with Peter and Char permanently, so I was a little shocked by Char's plan. Nodding my head, I figured it was none of my business. It was a kind gesture that Char was doing and I am sure Rose and Emmett would appreciate it. I went upstairs to get ready. Jasper was in the office with Peter down the hall. I could hear them whispering, but couldn't make out the words. A sign escaped my lips and in an instant Jasper was standing in front of me. "What's ya thinking darling?" as he slowly started kissing my neck.

"Just thinking about school. Either way I guess I won't be going back. I'll need to get my stuff from there. And my truck is still at the Cullens." I was still relishing in the toe curling kiss he was giving me on my neck and the words came out in a whisper. It was very easy for me to get lost in Jasper when he was around. I tried not to think about anything else when we were like this. I was able to push away all the impending decisions, problems and drama to make sure it was only us.

"Well, why don't Peter, Em and I run up there, pack your things and bring them back. As far as your truck goes, I'll make arrangements to have it shipped here. It'll be easier than us having to spend another day driving. I can have it here by next week if that is ok with you. We can run up to Pennsylvania when you sleep tonight and be back before morning?" I took over kissing his neck as he offered me a plan to get my things back. I could feel myself getting turned on from the kiss. Knowing Char and Rose were waiting downstairs, I didn't want to stop, but couldn't continue either.

Groaning a little, I pulled back to head to the shower. Jasper chuckled a bit. He knew what his kisses were doing to me. While we hadn't been intimate with each other since the first night, I was definitely feeling some sexual tension between us. At night, when Jasper held me; the kisses would become extremely passionate. Lighting every part of my body on fire with his lips and tongue. I always needed to break the kiss in order to breath and a sense of contentment would wash over me, a calmness and serenity existing only by being in Jasper's arms. I asked him once if he was sending me anything to make us stop, he looked at me confused and said no. I couldn't imagine where the emotions were coming from if they weren't coming from Jasper, but so many weird things were happening lately, again I didn't question it.

Char, Rose and I got into Peter's truck to head into town and take care of our errands. Watching Rose and Char pick out the furniture for her and Em's room was quite funny. Char wanted to keep the rustic feel of the cottage, while Rose wanted something more modern that could 'survive her and Emmett'—her words not mine. The idea of those two having sex was something I didn't need a mental picture of.

We headed back to the cottage after getting me some lunch. The guys told us they were going to take the truck to Pennsylvania to get my stuff. It was only about 4 hours away and with the way they drove, it would take less time than trying to make multiple trips to get my stuff. We spent the rest of the day relaxing, Jasper and I took a walk in the woods. I enjoyed the forest surrounding the cottage immensely. Being with Jasper made me feel safe and whole. I was beginning to think that pull or no pull, I was going to accept the change. It was worth the chance to spend more time with Jasper. I didn't think I was willing to leave him permanently in a month. The choice to kill myself after Edward had been a very sudden decision after four months of agony. If I had the opposite, complete and utter happiness for the next month, would I be able to make the decision to leave it?

"I'll be back before you wake up, I've got the list you gave me and we'll get all your stuff. I love you Isabella!" Giving me a deep kiss before he was going to get in the truck with Peter and Emmett. I was, once again, frustrated. Sensing my reluctance to let him go, he whispered deeply in my ear "when I get home." And sucked softly on my ear lobe. Shivers went down my spine and I heard myself moan.

The guys left, laughing at Jasper and I. Rose and Char finally were able to pull me back in the cottage when I couldn't see the truck anymore on the road. They were laughing at me too. I hadn't been embarrassed a lot lately, feeling much more confident in myself since Jasper and I had our talk. I had been thinking a lot about our impending choices and the problems we were facing. While I never made a final decision, I knew a lot more about myself than previously.

I found out I was a lot stronger than I thought. The anger slowly built in me towards Alice and her message. She knew what happened and what would happen when she met with Aro. She knew I would be discovered and be ordered to be changed or executed. That pissed me off. Esme, while for her part in saving me I will be always grateful, really can't seem to make a decision to save her life. Carlisle, I learned more about Carlisle over the past couple of days from Rose and Emmett. His past made him strong, his reliance on the 'trouble twosome' made him weak. Alice and Edward's gifts and Carlisle reliance on those gifts took away his power as coven leader. I began to lose a lot of respect for him. Demetri, well he scared the shit out of me. Not that I thought he was going to attack me. There was a look in his eyes that I never saw before. It was power hungry and maddening. Even James never looked like that. I hadn't told Jasper my fears about him yet, we hadn't discussed anything yet, choosing just to spend our time with each other and our family.

"What do you want for dinner tonight Bella?" Rose asked. We had made a list of my favorite food and started a 'TO DIE FOR' list before I made my decision. Looking through the daunting list and thinking about what we had in the house, I settled on Fried Shrimp and Mashed Potatoes. Comfort food. Turning the little portable fryer on that Jasper bought me, I started to peel and cut my potatoes.

"Maybe we could watch a movie tonight ladies?" Char continued. Leaving the question open to me. "Or we could have a spa night instead? Just sit and chat for a bit." I thought Char might be trying to get me to tell them my decision. They were going to lose interest in that conversation quickly if I was correct. I hadn't made a decision and even if I had, Jasper would be the first to know. But I might be able to get some answers to some questions I had been thinking about.

"Ya know, I don't like the spa thing, but I'm not in the mood for a movie, so let's just relax." I could feel the tell-tale sign of my reddened cheeks as I tried to lie my way through this conversation. I finished up prepping my dinner and went upstairs to get some comfortable clothes on. The weather in West Virginia was a surprise. I had expected it to be a little warmer given that it was almost the beginning on June, but it was still surprisingly cool, especially in the evening. Usually this necessitated me having the fire going in our cottage and a sweatshirt on when I slept next to Jasper's cold body. Tonight I should only need a tshirt though, since he wasn't going to be there to hold me, I should be fine.

Coming back downstairs, I put my shrimp in the fryer and finished making the mashed potatoes. I quickly added a salad to the menu and got everything ready. I always enjoyed cooking, but knowing my time in the kitchen would be done soon, I really tried to make each meal a little special. Setting the table and pulling the shrimp out, I put my plate together and sat down with Char and Rose. Both were staring intently at me eating. I was used to this by now. Even after not being around vampires for so long, I still remember their fascination with me eating.

"What are you going to do Bella?" Rose blurted out. I rolled my eyes at her while Char slapped her shoulder. "Nice Rose, I thought we were going to be subtle about it?" she turned to me with hope in her eyes that I would answer. I rolled my eyes again at Char and laughed. "OK, so let's put the cards on the table ladies, shall we? I have questions and so do you, how about we make a deal to be honest with each other and go from there. But I will tell you one thing, I haven't made a final decision and when I do Jasper will be the first to know. But other than that, nothings off the table." I counteroffered hoping that I could get some answers if I was giving some.

The two women I had started to look at as my sisters stared at each other and then back at me nodding their heads anxiously. "Eager much?" I mumbled into my food. "Let me finish my dinner in peace and then you can start the inquisition." I ignored them for the rest of my meal, savoring each bite of food. The extra garlic and cheese in the mashed potatoes made me moan. Rose raised her eyebrow at me and I scowled. "Just because you don't remember how good something tastes, doesn't mean I can't enjoy it."

I finished my dinner, did the dishes and headed back to the living room. Curling up on the corner of the couch had become my personal spot, so settling there I looked over at Char, who had moved across from me to the oversized chair. Her and Rose sitting side by side smiling.

"Fine, what do you want to know?"

Rose began, "Since you haven't made your decision yet, why not tell us why you haven't?" Fuck. I didn't think they would start with something like this, I thought they would ask how I felt about Jasper or something. If I answer this, I'll have to explain everything Jasper and I talked about. We hadn't told Rose and Em about the fact that we weren't mates. Not that we were keeping it from them, but we just hadn't gotten around to filling them in on everything. I didn't know if Jasper would be upset that I was telling Rose without him. "By the way, Jasper is getting the same interrogation Bella, just so you know. Since neither of you have told us much, the four of us decided to split you up to get all the information. You just gave us the perfect excuse with the guys having to go to Pennsylvania." She crossed her legs on the chair's footstool, leaning back on her hands, staring intently at me. Waiting for my response.

I took a deep breath, eyeing Char a little bit. I was pretty sure that Peter had told her, but never asked Jasper for confirmation. "Because Rose, Jasper and I aren't mates. Alice was wrong. There is no pull from Jasper towards me." The shocked look on Char confirmed to me that she didn't expected that statement to come out of my mouth. Rose sat there looking smug about something. For a split instance I thought maybe she was glad. I looked away from them for a moment, steeling myself from crying. When I had taken a couple of deep breaths, I looked back and they hadn't moved. Rose slowly began shaking her head side to side. Char couldn't move. "Listen, we are ok with this. Well, not really, but we are getting there. Jasper and I are in love with each other. There is no doubt about that. It's just we haven't decided how to proceed with me changing knowing that even being together, there is a chance that one of us may find our true soul mate and the other would be left behind. Neither of us wants to do that to the other."

Rose got up, walked over to me and squatted down in front of me. Grabbing the sides of my face, she forced me to look in her eyes, "Bella, I think you guys are wrong. Let me tell you something you might not realize." Rose began to fill me in on a conversation her and Carlisle had about 25 years ago. They were talking about the mating pull and Rose asked Carlisle why she didn't feel the pull to Emmett when he was still human. Granted, there was the bear to deal with and getting Emmett to Carlisle in enough time to save him, but she had told Carlisle that the only thing she felt was that she needed to protect Emmett. My eyes shot up to her at that point, knowing that Jasper had the whole protection thing going on with me for years. "Do you remember me telling you that anytime we teased Jasper about being able to retire from protecting you that he would freak out and get all pissy?" I nodded. "Carlisle had told me that he had the same reaction to Esme when he found her. Not the pull, just a strong sense of protection." I could feel the tears building in my eyes as I look at the person that may very well be saving my life for the second time. "Bella, I think part of the reason Jasper doesn't feel the mating pull with you is because you are still human." Hope? Do I dare to hope?

JPOV

The drive the Penn State was uneventful. Peter and Emmett were playing Spanish Inquisition with me, but I tuned them out. Asking all the questions that Bella and I had yet to speak about. I could feel their annoyance with my lack of response, but I just didn't want to speak about it. When we got back from this little trip, Bella and I were going to have to discuss things. We couldn't go on living in a bubble, hoping for divine intervention or for some message from a guardian angel.

I didn't know where Bella lived, so Emmett gave Peter directions. As we pulled up, I had a gut feeling that something was going on. There was an eeriness that was making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I wasn't scared, but something wasn't sitting right with me. Peter must have felt it to, he grabbed the steering wheel a little tighter and a small growl was growing inside his chest.

We walked into the apartment building and Peter looked at both Em and I, just as the scent caught my nose. "Major?"

"Yeah Peter, I got it. Any ideas?" A vampire had been in Bella's building recently. I don't believe in coincidences. This wasn't Rose or Emmett's scent. Emmett looked at me and shook his head, he didn't know it. Peter did the same.

Since it was the middle of the night, the building was fairly quiet. The scent was at least a day old, but we still sped up to Bella's apartment. The scent got stronger. I used the key that Bella had given me and opened the door. Yep, whoever it was has been in Bella's apartment. Nothing appeared to have been moved. It wasn't ransacked. Bella was not a sloppy person; it looked like everything had its place. Emmett and Peter went to Bella's bedroom to start getting things from her list, clothes, toiletries, laptop, a couple of pictures she wanted to keep, while I looked around the apartment that Bella had spent the last year of her life. I could feel the apprehension from the other two, especially with the strange scent lingering inside the apartment. As I made my way over to the kitchen to grab her beloved cactus I saw it.

Laying on the kitchen table was an envelope.

Ms. Swan & Major Whitlock was written on the face of it. Neat block like printing. I grabbed the letter, opening it and telling Peter and Em to come over.

_Dear Ms. Swan and Major Whitlock:_

_You must not make any decisions at this point. They are being watched by those that are setting you up to fail. It is imperative that you leave all decision making to the person standing to your left. He is not being watched and is safe to guide you. _

_I know you both question your destiny. You are with the right person. There is a reason something is missing. Ms. Swan's power grows every day. When she is like us, what is missing will appear. _

_Trust is the key. Faith is the answer. Love is the foundation._

_Italy is lovely this time of year, don't you think? You will find your answers there, to all your questions. _

_A friend._

The three of us looked at each other in complete disbelief. Peter, standing on my left had a smug smile, realizing he was the one that would be making our decisions for now. "It's safe" Peter said. "They can be trusted" This meant we had to block our decisions. From who? ALICE. Mother fucker, she is doing it again, still manipulating all of us.

Quickly we grabbed the rest of the items from Bella's apartment. Leaving no trace of her there. A burst of hope built in me thinking of the words in the letter "_when she is like us…what is missing will appear_". Did the lack of the mating pull have something to do with Bella still being human? I knew the love I felt for her completely engulfed my soul, was the cause of all the turmoil this week a result of Bella still being alive? Shaking my head at the simplicity of the answer that I should have seen, I smiled in hope. Her gift that wouldn't become truly active until she was a vampire. But that would mean neither of us would feel the pull until Bella transformed? But since I didn't feel it now, Bella and I both think we aren't mates. Is Alice trying to help Bella and I get together, or prevent us from being together? She knows I would try to do the right thing, so would Bella. Neither of us are selfish types. By nature, I am, but the shred of humanity that I have been able to hold on to would prevent me from hurting Bella in the long run. Why? Why would she want Bella and I apart? And that would mean the death of Edward, her partner in crime. Although, these days, it appears that Demetri might hold that title. Is he the key?

I filled the guys in on the way home, giving them the answers to their previous questions. Emmett filled me in on what Rose knew and the conversation she had with Carlisle several years ago. Was this it?

As the sunrise began to color the morning sky, there was a brightness in my eyes that hadn't been there since the day that Bella told me she loved me.

I didn't know who 'A Friend' was, but if they were right, I would keep Bella forever.


	29. Chapter 29

AN: don't own

Short, BUT necessary.

Chapter 29

?POV

"Did they find the letter?" I asked my spy, my love.

"Yes, just like you said they would. It was the Major, his Captain and the big guy from the Cullen coven. They never knew I was watching." Aah good. The plan was put into place. The captain would be making decisions, allowing the Major and Ms. Swan to stay safe.

"It is imperative that you keep an eye on them. They mustn't fall into harm from our enemies. I know the Major and Captain are good fighters, but according to my source if they do not get to Italy soon, this is one that they will not win. When you see them getting ready to come, let me know. I will make arrangements with the others to ensure a safe journey for them."

"Yes master. Anything else?"

"Yes, the Cullens that are left in New York, have you been watching them as well?"

"Yes, I alternate between the two. There is no change. The seer and her mate spend a lot of time 'with each other'; she still looks for Ms. Swan's future, but hasn't even noticed her sister and brother have left. The leader and his wife are especially 'unobservant' about everything as well, seemingly glad that their Alice is back." What a good spy I created. Such attention to detail, the gift of complete invisibility was an added bonus.

"Good job. When this is finished, I will make sure to reward you for all your hard work." I told my love. The time was coming soon to finalize this plan. I would have to contact the others in Italy and let them know the details soon, but couldn't afford to just yet. It had to be perfectly timed to avoid any mistakes.

I had to keep them safe.


	30. Chapter 30

AN: don't own

Chapter 30

BPOV

I don't think I could even breath right now. I don't think I can even blink. My heart was skipping beats left and right, feeling like it was in a conga line. Is Rose right? She would be the closest person I would know that was in a similar situation. She found Emmett when he was still human. Have we just spent all this time on drama when we should have just trusted in the fact that we knew we were in love with each other?

My worry aside for the moment. Was Jasper's concern solvable with my changing? If so, am I strong enough to be Jasper's mate? I felt something tug inside my brain. _With Jasper by your side, you are strong enough to do anything._ I smiled a little at my internal dialogue. Char couldn't really offer an opinion on it, but thought it made sense. She was changed by Jasper, so Peter never encountered her until after she had awakened. The three of us talked a little more about whether or not this was the case until I started yawning. Glad that I had a small amount of hope right now, I got upstairs and went to bed. I would miss having Jasper's arms around me, but hopefully in the morning the guys would be back and we can talk about this. I fell asleep smiling, feeling lighter than I have since I took my first step into the Cullen house last week. I dreamt only of the golden eyes of my beloved.

JPOV

"Fill the others in on this, I'm going to our room." I told Peter as I was running through the door and upstairs. I needed to get Bella in my arms immediately. I had so much hope and happiness running through me, I knew I was probably projecting especially when Peter whispered up "I'm down here signing Barney songs, cut the fucking shit and stop projecting your happiness." I smiled even more. I love when my gift got Peter annoyed.

When I had climbed into bed with Bella, she immediately curled right up into me, laying her body across my rock hard chest. I chuckled, wondering how this could really be comfortable, but who I am to question how she sleeps. If, what we found out was true, she wouldn't be sleeping much longer. We would need to talk once she was awake. I listened to what Rose and Char told the guys that they talked about with Bella last night. Another burst of hope bounced up in my chest, helping me lean more towards confirming that Bella and I are meant to be together.

Her heart rate slowly started to increase. I could see her eyes starting to flutter behind her lids. A small smile crossed her lips as she started stretching her body across mine. I had grown accustomed to watching her do these stretches in the morning. I found it quite arousing the way her body would reach and bend, working out her stiff muscles. _Speaking of stiff muscles buddy!_

I groaned as I tried to control my thoughts enough to not get a hard on. We had serious issues to talk about and while I would love to pound my cock into Bella again, we needed to focus for a while.

"Hi" looking up at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I kissed the end of her nose and she immediately turned her head. Running to the bathroom yelling, "Don't move, morning breath. Be right back." I laughed. I should have known. Bella hated morning breath. She insisted on brushing her teeth before I could properly kiss her. In a few minutes, Bella returned, minty fresh, as she likes to put it. She laid down on the bed and curled right up to me. Eagerness bouncing off of her. I thought it was me projecting again, but once I realized this was all her I raised my eyebrow at her questioningly.

"Rose, Char and I talked last night. I think we all need to sit down."

"I heard them fill Peter and Em in, you are right though about talking. There is something that happened in your apartment." She had stood up to start getting changed, turning around quickly at my comment. "What?"

"Downstairs Bella. Let's talk downstairs." I left the room so she could get changed. She followed me downstairs a couple of minutes later, bouncy and smiling. The way this woman should always be. Her happiness filled my soul completely. She climbed right on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me deeply. For a split moment, I thought about forgetting to have the much needed conversation and take Bella up to bed, but Peter broke that by coughing. Bella ended the kiss with a small smirk on her face. Her arousal starting to permeate my senses.

"Listen Baby doll, you need to cool those lips for a few and listen. We already filled everyone else in, but you need to understand what we found last night at your apartment." She turned and looked at Peter with a slight glare, a small sigh escaping her lips. She left her head nestled in my neck, tightening her grip on me. I gave her a gentle squeeze and started rubbing her side a little. The bottom of her tank top had risen just slightly, allowing me access to her warm skin. She shivered a little into my touch.

Peter explained the letter to Bella, she was concerned as to who 'a friend' was, but quickly agreed that it was something we should try; especially when Peter told her his gift was saying we could trust this person. Bella and Rose's conversation last night had her so filled with hope, it quickly rivaled what I was feeling. I could feel the tension slowly releasing from the group. Looking around the room, I began to realize that this group makes me feel more at home than any of my time with the rest of the Cullens. There was an undercurrent of love, trust and faith in this group. I was reminded of the words of the letter and wondered if there was a connection.

We debated going to Italy, but ultimately it would be Peter's call. I explained to Bella that I thought maybe Alice had found a way to mask her emotions and was being deceptive all along. It would be hard to lie to me with your emotions, but I learned a long time ago, nothing is impossible. I helped Bella a little bit during the day, trying to show her tricks to keep her mind from making active decisions. The rest of us were more experienced in living on instinct.

I told the others that I wanted to spend the day alone with Bella. Char and Peter needed to hunt anyways and were going to try the Pittsburg area, so they would be gone for at least several hours. Rose and Emmett decided to Charleston to do some shopping. With the constant change in emotions, it would be good for me too. I needed a break from a lot of people and the peace and happiness flowing out of Bella and I right now would help calm me down. Sometimes getting around large groups of people and the emotions that they all have is incredibly difficult for me. If the emotion is very strong I can go from happy to angry in a second and then back to excited. Bella's mere presence often had a calming effect on me. You would think she was the empath. Her touch, her scent, her eyes; all these things and more were tiny ways this woman had a strong hold on my heart and soul.

Bella and I spent the day walking in the woods. It was becoming a favorite activity of ours. There wasn't much to do in the area we lived in; I suppose we could have driven somewhere and done something fun, but neither Bella nor I wanted to leave the cottage. Both of us felt very much at home here.

Silence was broken between us when Bella's heart rate changed and she tightened her grip on my hand. I had been lost in my thoughts for a minute, unaware that we were not alone. There, standing about twenty five feet away from us, was a very large brown bear. He sensed me as a predator and began to stand up on his haunches, preparing to defend himself and attack us. _Must protect Bella. Must protect our mate. _Without a second thought, I dove at him, sank my teeth into his skin and drank. I was aware that Bella was watching me the whole time, I tried monitoring her emotions but there wasn't anything really there for me to monitor. I could sense her, but couldn't get a read on how she would react to this. She had never seen any of us feed. It was something that Edward and I both agreed upon. We gave ourselves over to our instincts completely. If there was a human heart near to us at that time, it would be extremely dangerous. For them.

When the bear was dry, I dropped his carcass, stood up with my back to Bella. Her heart was going a mile a minute but I could tell she was trying to control herself. I wanted to turn and see her reaction, but didn't want to scare her.

A couple of minutes later, "Jasper?" she whispered. Damn, there was still nothing coming from her as far as emotions. I couldn't even tell from her tone how she felt.

"Jasper?" Louder this time. "Look at me. Please?" I slowly started turning around. Keeping my head down in true vampire nature, showing Bella; a human; that I mean no harm. It was instinctual for us to do so. I wondered if Bella would realize what I was doing.

"I know you aren't going to hurt me. Please look at me J" my favorite nickname from her rolled out of her tongue. I automatically raised my head to meet her eyes. There was no fear. There was no anger. There was no sense of disgust. There was love. I walked over to her, extremely slowly, still desiring to show her that I was no harm. I wanted her to be sure that she would never fall into harm's way from me.

I stopped when I was about two feet from her, still staring into her chocolate orbs that showered me with her love. I got lost in her eyes, forgetting, just for a moment, that I had just killed in front of her. She closed the space between us, reaching for one hand, holding it. With her other hand, she pushed my hair back, revealing my eyes to her. They closed for a second as I felt Bella's warm touch lightly trace the lids and sliding down to my mouth. My eyes shot back open to see her. She hadn't moved her eyes from mine. Her hand slid behind my neck and she tried to pull me down to her.

"Are you sure? There will still be a blood taste Bella." She nodded and I bent down to her lips. She moaned into my mouth as her lips automatically parted, allowing my tongue to dominate her mouth.

She pushed her entire body against mine, wrapping her arms around my neck to hold me there. I pulled her up by the waist and her legs quickly wrapped around me. It was just then that I got a full load of lust shot through me. I had to brace myself against a tree fearing that I would hurt Bella. The sudden onset of emotion from her jarring me.

"Take me home." She whispered as I broke the kiss for a moment to let her catch her breath. My speed got us home in record time, heading straight upstairs to our room. I laid her down on the bed gently, walking slowly around the other side of the bed.

Before we could start anything, I had to find out what happened out there. I had to make sure she wasn't going into shock. "Bella, hold on baby. I need to ask you a question." She was kissing my neck trying to pull my t shirt over my head. "Kissing now, talk later." She murmured into my ear seconds before tugging on my ear lobe.

I groaned and grabbed her hips tightly and stepped away a little bit. We needed to talk about this. "Bella, please stop." She stopped kissing me, shot me a glare and sat down on the bed. "Fine, what would you like to discuss?" throwing me a dose of annoyance and frustration.

"Are you ok? I'm sorry if that scared you, I should have been more observant. I got lost in my thoughts for a moment and didn't realize that we were so far off the trail. I am so sorry for putting you in danger. I would never do that knowingly." I was closely monitoring her. Her heartbeat was strong and steady, a little high, but that could be anticipation or fear, her pupils weren't dilated, nothing was bleeding, she looked….well…she looked ok. Beyond ok, she was radiantly beautiful, as always. I laid down next to her and she assumed her natural position, drawing circles around my heart while cuddled in the crook of my arm.

"Jasper, I'm fine. A little frustrated, but fine. I wasn't scared of you. I told you, I know you will never hurt me. Sooner or later you'll believe me when I tell you that." She jibbed. "Never saw a bear quite so close, so that was a little frightening, but honestly, why would I be scared that I got to see you eat. You have watched me eat enough." A small giggle escaped her lips. Her hands had slipped down to under my shirt and were still lightly tracing random patterns on my stomach. The sensation went right to my cock. I couldn't believe that Bella's touch could have such strong effects on me.

"Yeah, but I couldn't feel you. I couldn't get a sense of your emotions, one minute I was basking in both of our happiness, we see the bear, I attack and it's like you weren't even there. I could still smell you, but there was no emotions coming off you. What were you thinking?" This was like the numbness I had the other day in the woods with Peter. It was like my gift was going on the fritz or Bella was doing something. After the letter we found, I wasn't sure if it wasn't Bella.

She shrugged her shoulders a little and told me she didn't know. She said she was thinking about the fact that she didn't want her emotions bothering me while I ate. She didn't know if it would affect me at all so she just shut down. She explained that after we all left her, she became really good at shutting down her emotions. Trying not to remember any of us, and would often feel numb. When she explained that I asked her if she went to that place the other day after Peter's comment. She nodded, asking why. I explained to her that when I ran from the house into the woods with Peter, I got a sense of numbness running through me. After that, I wasn't able to get a clear read on Peter for a while until I got the huge dose of love from her later. I had never had anyone's emotions affect me like that, I had a feeling that is what the strange letter was speaking about regarding Bella's power. Somehow, over one hundred miles away, she was able to affect my emotional state. It was like she had turned my power off. I didn't know if a power like that existed, but we would have to discuss it later when everyone came back.

The entire conversation, Bella had never stopped kissing my neck, chest, arms, fingertips between speaking. She leaned up from my chest and straddled my waist, leaning over she brought her head to mine, meeting my lips with hers. Within seconds, I was reminded of what a large dose of lust she sent me out in the forest. Effectively ending the conversation for the time being, I needed to be with my Bella. It was common knowledge in the vampire world that after hunting, when our instincts were running still, we would desire our mates. While I still had to be careful with Bella being human, I needed to be inside her.

She slide down from my stomach, grinding herself onto my cock, pulling her shirt off in the process. Her white lace bra still covering her perfect breasts, I could smell her arousal and a small growl started in my chest, satisfied that I was with her. I pulled her down to me, slamming my mouth on hers. Tasting every part of her mouth with my tongue, Bella moaned into me. I turned us over instantly, wanting to dominate the experience. I hadn't forgotten Bella's level of lust when I mentioned tying her up and wanted to see if we could push her limits a little more. Removing myself from the bed, I simply stated "Remove the rest of your clothes and lay back down on the bed Bella. I'll be right back." Walking out of the room, down the hall, I felt Bella's lust skyrocket even higher. Smiling, I was very happy she found my dominating side arousing.

Returning with what I needed from the other room, Bella had followed instructions. She was laying on the bed, completely naked, waiting for me. Her arousal covered every part of the room and went straight to my dick. She was beautiful, she was mine and if I got my way, would be mine for the rest of my existence. I smiled at her. She was still a little shy, her cheeks reddened when she saw the scarfs I had in my hand. "If you don't want me to tie you up Bella, all you have to do is say so." Instantly I got a sense of disappointment from her. "I'll take that as you do want this. Don't worry, I won't make the knots too tight." I walked slowly over to the side of the bed, taking her arms I wrapped the scarf around her wrist and tied the knot, securing the other end to the headboard. I flew over to the other side and repeated the process. For now, I wouldn't secure Bella's feet. Bella's heartbeat was going crazy. She was trying to rub her legs together, anticipating what was coming. I took my clothes off slowly, allowing Bella to watch each move I made. I climbed onto the bed, hovering over my chestnut haired beauty, trailing kisses along the way. I stopped at Bella's breast, pulling her little rosy nipple in my mouth and sucking on it. Bella was rolling her head side to side. I looked up at her, while her nipple was still in my mouth. Her eyes were closed. Releasing her nipple I sternly told her to open them. The tone in my voice caught her off guard, she shot her eyes open and found mine immediately. My dick got even harder with the lust she had in her expression. Her eyes were heavy, mouth shaped in a small o and her breathing was getting very labored. "Keep them open Bella. Don't make me tell you again darling." I gave her a small smile.

Returning to her nipples, I pulled her other nipple in my mouth and brought it to a stiff peak. My hands were exploring Bella's skin; bringing goose bumps all over, whether from my temperature or her arousal, I didn't care. I loved the effect on her. I slid my hand under her ass, pulling her leg up to hitch it over mine. I slid my cock along her entrance. I could see she was getting frustrated; she kept bucking her hips into me, arching her back, doing anything she could think of to get some release. "Relax Bella."

"Jasper, I need you. Please." I lightly trailed my finger down to her pussy, feather touching her lips. Moaning at how wet she was for me, I slowly lowered my head to her lips. "So beautiful Bella. You are so wet." My finger slid into Bella and I felt her push herself down on it. I separated her lips and lightly licked her clit. She started bucking her hips up to my face. I pulled her clit into my mouth a bit and sucked hit softly, flicking it a little with my tongue. I added another finger to her, scissoring them inside her, stretching her for me. Curling them inside her, trying to find the ridge to make her scream, I felt the tremors in her beginning. She was so close. I pulled my fingers out and slid back up her body, kissing her everywhere on my trip. She was whimpering when I reached her mouth, disappointment filling her from the loss of my cool touch inside her. I leaned over to her ear and whispered "Don't worry Bella, I'll make sure you scream my name soon." "Jasper, please. I want you inside me."

"Your wish is my command." I slid my cock into her pussy, relishing in the warmness that was surrounding me. She closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation. "Ah, ah, ah. I told you to keep your eyes open dear. Do you want me to stop?" Shaking her head no fanatically, she reopened her eyes, staring deeply into mine. "I love you Bella, forever." She lifted her head up and kissed my lips, tasting her wet juices off my tongue. She was pulling on her restraints, hoping they would break and she could grab me. I slid my cock in and out, pulling it almost completely out of her before sliding it back in. I knew I was going painstakingly slow for her. Her frustration was palpable, but so was her lust. She was enjoying this.

I pulled my dick out of her and started sliding back down her body. Stopping to bring her nipples back to the hard peaks that I love, I slid my finger back over her folds and inside her. Pumping my fingers harder than before, I could feel her muscles tightening again. I settled myself back down in front of her lips, sliding my tongue all around her, pulling her clit back into my mouth. Her whole body was shaking, I looked up and saw her watching me lick and suck her. "Jasper, I'm almost there. Oh God, please don't stop again. I can't take it. Oh my god that feels so fucking good. Yeah, right there…..J-Jasper, gonna cum….OH MY GOD." She screamed as I continued sucking her clit. Her muscles constricting around my fingers, throbbing from the intensity of her orgasm. Her legs were trying to push me into her, wrapping them around me and pulling me up towards her.

Her need to have me inside her rivaled my own need to be inside her. I slid my cock into her and moaned into her shoulder. "God Bella, you feel so good." She was still pulling her restraints, but I wouldn't let her go yet. I slid in and out of her, faster; making sure that I wasn't going too hard for her human body to handle. "Jasper, please…harder….fuck me harder." Her lust was at an unmeasurable level now. I kissed her mouth, pushing my tongue in and savoring every part of her scent. She responded back just as eager, trying to pull herself up to meet me. I reached over and tugged on one of the scarfs, releasing one of her hands. Immediately it went to my head, pulling me closer to her. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and she was meeting me thrust for thrust, using her legs as additional leverage. Her walls spasmed around my cock and I could feel my balls tightening, getting ready to shoot my cum into her tight core. "Cum with Bella, I want you to cum with me."

"Oh god Bella. I love fucking you." As I shot my load into her, feeling her join me with her own orgasm. I reached over and released her other arm, that one shot to my back, she pulled me into her body as we both came down from our release. "I love you Jasper. With everything that I am, I love you. Forever."

We relaxed in bed, coming down from our release for a while. Eventually, Bella's stomach demanded food, so we had to leave the bed. After she ate, we went back to bed and made love again before she fell to sleep. I sat in bed holding my love knowing that even with so much indecision and drama lately, I would spend the rest of my existence loving this woman. She was it for me.


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 31

JPOV

Bella woke the next morning, smiling at me. Her body curled into mine like it was meant to be there the whole time. The others had made their reappearance throughout the night and were waiting for us downstairs.

"Get packed, we leave in two hours." Peter said. Bella looked surprised, I guess since we thought it would take longer for Peter to make the decision for us to go. No one had to ask where we were going. We all knew.

Although, we didn't know what we were going to do when we get there, I hoped that Peter had thought about the plan. My military instincts were killing me with not being able to make these decisions, but if it kept Bella safe, I trusted Peter to do what he thought best.

All six of us piled into Peter's truck heading to the small airport. He had made arrangements for a private jet. It would be faster and safer with five of us being vampires. After running through the safety checks, we quickly began our ascent into the air, heading east for our Italian getaway. On the way, I told the others what we discovered about Bella being able to affect my powers. Char thought it might be another example that she was my mate, being able to feel her emotions from such a large distance. Neither could figure out what Bella's power might be when and if she decided to change. I pretty much knew that Bella would take the change. Her emotional base had been too positive since Rose's explanation to her for her to consider death. At least I hoped so. We still hadn't brought that up, figuring it would trigger whatever people wanted us to fail. Namely Alice and Demetri.

Bella took a nap on the flight. It would take us about eight hours to get to Italy, another two in the car before we arrived in Volterra. Peter decided we needed to come clean and go right to the kings. If they had indeed ordered Bella's change, there would be no need to be nervous about being there. Bella or I could speak with them to make sure and then proceed with our decisions. We didn't know who 'a friend' was, but were hoping that maybe we might meet them while we were there. Or at least get an idea of who they were.

Just as we had landed, Rose's phone beeped with a text message; '_Dem and I have been looking for you and Emmett, where are you guys? I haven't been able to see any visions of any of you either. Carlisle and Esme are asking for you guys too. Are you safe? Come back home so we can hang out. A.'_

"Don't tell her you are with us." Peter ordered. Rose rolled her eyes at him, "like I am that dumb, wonder why she can't see us?" Everyone looked at Bella. _'Her power grows everyday'_ ringing in my head. If she is able to thwart Alice's visions and stop my power, along with Edward never being able to hear her and she's still human, I wouldn't doubt that she will be extremely powerful as a vampire. Rose responded back to Alice that her and Emmett were traveling out west and would be back soon. She didn't say where, with who or when they would return.

We stopped along the way so Bella could get something to eat, and then finished up with the rest of the trip. Peter had called the Volturri and requested an audience with Marcus. When I asked why not all three of them, he reminded me that with Marcus losing his mate he tended to be a little softer than the other kings, especially when it came to mates and potential mates. Plus he figured with Marcus' gift, he might be able to confirm that Bella and I are mates, even without the mating pull.

We settled into a small hotel in Volterra, Peter deciding not to stay in the castle guest suites since Bella's blood still smelled really good. I realized that even with having sex with Bella, I had virtually no blood lust for her. She smelled good, but in an arousing way, not a food way.

Our appointment with Marcus was set for tomorrow morning. Bella was extremely nervous and asked me to help her sleep that night. She had never met any of the three kings and wasn't sure how they would feel about her presence in their castle. I kept sending her my sleep cocktail until I knew she was under deeply. In my mind I was trying to formulate a plan of making sure that Bella was safe tomorrow without making any decisions. My phone vibrated in my pocket '_I got it covered. You, Bella and I will go into to meet Marcus. There will be no one harmed.' _I only hoped Peter's gift wasn't on the fritz like mine was and now apparently Alice's. Bella had no idea what she was doing to stop Alice's visions, if it was even her.

The night went by peacefully and Bella woke early, already nervous. She just looked at me with her beautiful eyes and asked me to keep her calm as much as I needed to today. I thought it was funny because she is so adamant about my not using my gift on her. After sending her some peaceful vibes, Peter, Bella and I got ready for our meeting.

The human at the receptionist desk looked at us funny when we arrived. A human, a human drinker and an animal drinker. I wondered if she knew what my eyes meant. If she had met Alice when Demetri first brought her here, she would know, but otherwise she probably hadn't seen many vegetarian vamps before.

She brought us into a small office and asked Bella if she wanted any refreshments. Bella was getting nervous again, grabbing my hand tightly with both of hers. I sent her some serenity and she relaxed a little against me. She shook her head no and pulled me over to the couch to sit with her. Peter walked around the office being his nosy self, looking at the pictures on the wall, what books lined the shelves. Thankfully the door opened before he could thumb through the desk drawers. I sent him some quick annoyance and he was by our side in a flash, just as Marcus walked through the door, surprisingly at a human pace.

The king looked at us briefly before sitting at his desk. His red eyes eyeing us more closely now that he was seated, going up and down Peter, then me before setting on Bella. His eyes widened for a brief moment as he looked at Bella before he caught himself and returned to his previous stoic exterior. I had met Marcus only once before. During the clean-up of the Southern Wars, he reminded me of fair man. He had suffered greatly since the loss of his mate; I had wondered why he didn't request to die after that. Either his sense of honor for the position or something else held him to keep his position as one of the three ruling parties of my world.

"Major. Captain. Pleasure to see you again. Why have you brought Ms Swan here?" He knew who Bella was? How?

Peter began, "Your highness, thank you for seeing us, especially on such short notice. We find ourselves in a situation that we are hoping you can help us with. This, as you know, is Bella Swan." Peter paused.

"Captain, I am aware of who she is, what I am not aware of is why you have brought her here? This isn't the best place for a human whose blood smells especially good, even the best of us lose control occasionally." A growl started growing in my chest; Peter looked down at me with a glare obviously telling me to cut the crap. Bella gripped my hand tighter. I sent her some more calm, hoping to be able to utilize it myself. I didn't like the way he was looking at Bella, intense curiosity emitting out from him.

He addressed Bella sitting next to me, "You are a very brave young lady to hang out with such strong vampires, much less one being a human drinker. Both the major and captain have a very interesting past. You might not sit so close if you know it." Something in Marcus's tone told me he was trying to bait Bella a bit. He was mischievous but not in a fun way.

"Thank you for the advice sir, I know exactly who they are. I have heard both Jasper and Peter's story and I trust them with my life. Jasper has saved and protected me several times. I am in no danger of them hurting me." Her voice was shaky but honest. She knew that neither Peter nor I would ever hurt her.

"I see. Just making sure. You will make a very strong and beautiful immortal young Bella." Marcus apparently appeased with the answer she gave him. "You are aware of who she is, Major?"

"Sir that is one of the reasons that we requested audience with you. Bella and I are in love. There are many signs pointing to her being my true mate, with the major exception being I feel no pull towards her. I was wondering, if you don't mind, if you would use your gift to confirm our thoughts."

"Oh, she's your mate all right. You'll feel the pull once she changes and you are more similar. But you must understand one thing; the gift that grows in this young one is very strong now. When she is changed, the pull will be stronger than I have ever seen in another mated couple. Major Whitlock, I suggest you prepare yourself. Once she is changed, you will be unable to be apart from her for any length of time. Unlike normal mated pairs, the two of you are always better together. The love I sense from you will only intensify when she is turned. If I didn't know any better, I would say she was born to be a vampire and born to be your mate. She will need guidance once she is changed. I assume you and the captain will be training her?" I nodded. I could feel the relief shooting off Bella in waves. Peter had a certain smugness coming off him. Had to admit to, I was relieved myself. Having one of the kings of my world confirm that yes, she is my mate and I will be able to keep her forever, is probably the second best thing that I have heard. The first being Bella was in love with me.

Peter nodded in answer to the king's question as well. "Do you know if Aro sent Alice and Demetri with an order to arrange her change or her and Edward die as sentence for her knowing of our world?"

"My brothers would not want Edward killed. They would have Chelsea bind him to us, much like Aro binds me to him. Aro has wanted Edward and Alice in the guard for years. I highly doubt Aro or Cauis gave the order. Major, you and I have known each other for a long time. I respect you highly. You have done some remarkable things and some heinous things, but now you sit here a changed man and I am impressed. Because of that respect, I will share with you some knowledge that is known only to a few. Demetri is the one that killed my mate and wife. I do not trust him at all. He did it under Aro's order. Didyme and I were to leave Volterra and Aro was pissed. He made arrangements to have me out of the area and while I was gone he sent Demetri to kill her. His own sister."

I heard Bella gasp at the news. How do you kill your own sister? I couldn't believe that Aro would order that. I had often heard he was ruthless, but this takes it to a whole new level.

"I am sorry for your loss. You must miss her very much. I couldn't imagine my life with Jasper." A tear was sliding down Bella's face as she expressed her sympathy to our king. Marcus's face softened at Bella's words, a small smile escaping his lips. An enormous wave of sadness pummeled into me, I could feel it coming from Bella. If I hadn't been sitting down, I would have fallen to my knees. As it was, I could feel the grimace on my face; Peter looked over at me and was questioning what was going on. I shook my head minutely, silently telling him I will explain later.

I tried to refocus myself and sent Bella some calm and mild happiness, trying to help lessen the sadness that was pouring into me. She gripped my hand tightly, seeing I was in pain and once the emotions hit her, slowly started relaxing her hold, then the emotions were cut off completely. Nice rollercoaster ride!

"That is what I am referring to Major. Being an empath, her emotions will hit you so much stronger than anyone else's. I assume you feel her from long distances as well?" I nodded my head thinking back to the numbness of that day in the forest. "Her power will be strong, but with you, it will make you even stronger than you already are."

"Forgive me for being rude Marcus, but how do you know what her power will be? I thought Eleazer was the only one that can identify gifts in people?" I didn't know if I was pushing for too much information. The king, so far, had been extremely forthcoming with information, I only hoped that he would continue being so.

"Not the only one, although one of the strongest. I have a latent gift. Reading relationship bonds is my primary, also my strongest, but being that I see the bonds that others don't I also see what others can't. Ms. Swan will be special. Very special. I will explain, but I will only do so in front of my brothers. Come back tonight after Ms. Swan eats. We will have eaten by then as well, and she will be safe." There was no negotiation in his tone. I could feel a growl developing deeply in my chest, not wanting Bella around Caius or Aro. So far, she was ok, but could I keep her safe?

"Trust me Major, I mean no harm to Ms. Swan, none of us do. She will be safe tonight and she will leave with you and the captain. I give you my word." There was nothing but honesty and sincerity coming off him. No deception, no deceit. However, I would still be on my guard.

"What do you know of Alice and Demetri's mating, Marcus? I assume you have seen them?" I was still curious as to how Alice could be mated with a cold blooded killer like Demetri. Sighing, I realized she spent sixty years with me, wasn't it the same thing? Was she trying to reform Demetri and show him another way? But then, why start drinking from humans? Too many questions, not enough answers.

"I do. Strange combination those two. Not nearly as strong a bond as I have seen. Nowhere as strong as you and Ms. Swan. But a mating bond just the same. Strange girl she is. Seems to live in her visions instead of reality. It will come back and bite her, so to speak." A smirk appeared across his face. Marcus. Fucking Marcus, of Volturri, just smirked. Don't think I ever saw that one coming.

"Excuse me sir, may I ask you a question please?" Bella spoke from my side. Her voice was timid, but her emotions had calmed down some. She sat up straight and looked Marcus in the eye as he nodded for her to continue.

"Do you know if Alice means harm to me or my family?" I think a part of Bella still wanted to believe that my former wife wasn't the bad guy in this situation. I think a part of me wanted to believe the same thing. I squeezed my arm a bit around Bella's shoulder. I was so proud of how well she was holding up so far.

"Based on what I saw when they were here, Alice lives to fulfill her visions. The problem with that is, her visions are based on people's decisions and if someone changes their mind, then the vision changes. But if she doesn't like what the vision changed into, then I think she tries to manipulate it to one that she thinks is better. I don't think she intentionally wants you harmed Ms. Swan. But I am not the empath or the mind reader. They would be able to answer your questions better."

Peter, who had previously, amazingly, been quiet throughout the last portion of the conversation chimed in, "Speaking of mind readers, do you know where Edward is?"

"We will discuss Edward tonight." Well that means a yes in my book. Wondering what my _dear brother_ is up these days?

"That'll be all. We will see you tonight after dinner. Again, I give you my word that no harm will come to Ms. Swan. It was a pleasure meeting you in person Ms. Swan. Major. Captain." We filed out of Marcus's office and got out of the castle in quick fashion.

Relief and anxiety pouring out of Bella. Geesh, this girl really goes through a lot. I'm surprised she didn't pass out back there. Marcus was honest, the only time his emotions changed was speaking about Demetri and then at the end about Edward.

When we got into our rental car, Bella started crying uncontrollably. Her emotions were still cut off from me, so I didn't know why she was upset. I was sitting in the back seat with her and just held her while she cried. I wasn't sure if it was the stress from meeting with Marcus, happy tears for us having had him confirm our…well my hopes or something else. Edward's name? Alice's?

Our hotel was only a couple of miles from the Volturri's castle, so it only took us a few minutes to get back there. Peter and I helped Bella upstairs where Rose, Emmett and Charlotte were waiting.

"Oh honey, are you ok?" My best friend's wife flew over to Bella and I and pulled her into a hug. I wouldn't completely let go of her, still not sure what got Bella so emotional. Charlotte shot me a questioning look, but all I could do was shrug my shoulders. Rose and Emmett both were sending off waves of concern.

"Mm, mm" She hadn't been able to say a complete word since we left. I mentally went through the list of symptoms of shock, but other than the crying, there really didn't seem anything wrong with her. Char and I walked her over to the couch to get her to sit down. I wanted to give her a chance to calm down but as soon as I stepped back from her, she grabbed my shirt to pull me towards her. I sat down next to her and she climbed up on my lap, burying her head in the crevice of my neck.

"Can you all give us a few moments to ourselves?" I whispered to everyone. They silently left the room and I continued rubbing Bella's back and holding her tightly against me.

"B, can you tell me what's wrong? You shut your emotions off from me back at the castle and I don't know what's going on. Are you hurt? Scared? Upset?" She was shaking her head in my neck, answering no to each of those. "H…Hap…Happy" she muttered out between sobs.

I chuckled a little bit, leave it to Bella to get me all worried because she was happy. I let out a sigh of relief. "Can you show me darlin? Can you let me in so I can feel what you are feeling?" Bella and I didn't really know how she was shutting my power or her emotions off, but I thought it was worth a shot.

Her sobs were lessening. Arms wrapped tightly around my neck, I could feel her trying to control her tears and breathing. She took a couple of deep breaths and on the final one I was assaulted with pure, unadulterated and all-consuming happiness and love. I was thankful that we were already sitting. A huge smile grew across my face relishing the sensations coming from my beautiful Bella. I slightly turned my head and gave her forehead a small kiss. I was rewarded with another burst of happiness.

"I..I can…" I tried shhhing her like I had seen on a couple of TV shows when someone was upset. After a couple more deep breaths, her crying had stopped almost completely and she was regaining her composure. She sat up a little bit and looked at me in my eyes. Even when her emotions were cut off from me, I could always tell by her eyes how she felt; they were as expressive as any other part of her. "I can stay with you, forever. We don't have to worry about one of us getting hurt. J, I love you so much. I don't know what would have happened if he told us bad news. I don't think I could have handled that. But I am so happy. Are you happy? Oh God, do you want me forever? Oh shit, I didn't even think about that." She was rambling.

I took the opportunity to kiss her lips softly effectively ending her worrying. "Bella, darling, there is nothing I want more in this world, in this life, than to spend every single day of the rest of my existence with you by my side. You are my best friend, my lover, my soul mate and I am so honored that you would be willing to be changed to spend your time with me." My emotions were as happy as Bella's. It was such a relief to have confirmation that we were meant to be together. There would be no changing her and then one of us finding another mate. Neither of us going through what we already had with Edward and Alice. "Bella, I know this is quick, I know you may want to think about it, but if you would do me the honor and privilege of spending the rest of my days taking care of you as your husband, it would make me the happiest man on the planet. Will you please be my wife?" I hadn't planned on proposing to her tonight. I hadn't even picked out a ring yet, but the moment just seemed right. There would never be another for me. Bella was my life and hopefully would be my wife as well.

Already nodding her head and a fresh batch of tears spilling out of her eyes she simply answered me with a "yes." I grabbed the back of her neck as gently as I could with how excited I was and pulled her towards me to give her a proper kiss. She quickly opened her lips, letting my tongue explore her mouth and savor her scent. She adjusted her legs so she was straddling me and I could feel my cock twitching in my jeans. The moan she let go in my mouth and the smell of her arousal took the monster in me by storm. I had us to the bedroom in a flash and laid her down. I quickly ripped off all my clothes. Climbing on the bed, I made just as quick work with Bella's clothes, shredding everything on her in the matter of a blink of the eye.

She pulled me down to her face by the back of my neck shoving her tongue in my mouth. Her small hand slid down my side, when it reached my hip she slid it to the front and began stroking my cock. It was my turn to moan, although it sounded more like a small growl.

"B, I want you to ride me." Flipping us so she is on top of me, straddling my hips and grinding her wet pussy on my cock. She lifted her body a little bit and I guided my dick right into her. She arched her back as it entered. The happiness and love had quickly been joined by a huge dose of lust and both of us were relishing in the feelings. Once Bella got used to the new position, she placed her hands on either side of my head and leaned over to give me a kiss, slowly raising and lowering her body on me. The sensation of her warm, tight, wet pussy on my cold cock was like heaven. I could spend the rest of my days being buried in her. Her tongue explored my mouth, as I wrapped my arms around her and grinded my cock in her slowly.

She straightened up and moved her hands to my chest. She began bouncing up and down on my cock. I leaned her back a little more, so I could reach her clit, rubbing small circles around it while she rode me. Her breath changed quickly, quicker than she had ever orgasmed with me before. Within seconds I could feel her muscles throbbing on my cock. Bella started yelling my name over and over before falling onto my chest as she came down from her high.

I rolled us over gently, my cock never leaving her pussy. Slowly I started sliding in and out of her. Each stroke was better than the last one and I could feel myself getting close. "Bella, can you come for me? I want to hear you come again." "Harder Jasper, fuck me harder." Her arms wrapped around my neck and I tasted every part of her scent her mouth had to offer.

Just as my orgasm overtook me, I felt Bella's muscles tighten around my cock. She screamed once more and I growled her name. It became a mantra for me. The heavens bestowed this beauty for me and I would spend the rest of my days worshipping her. I shot my load in her and told her I loved her. As I pulled out of her, there was a small whimper that escaped her lips. But soon a smile graced them. I had found my mate, my love. I would never let her go.


	32. Chapter 32

AN: don't own

Chapter 32

BPOV

I was in shock. I was in awe. I was grateful, thankful and exuberant all rolled into one. If I didn't think he might eat me, I probably would have thrown my arms around Marcus in appreciation for what he told us. On the other hand, when he spoke about loosing his wife, I felt so sad. Almost as if I had known her. Apparently Jasper felt it too; I could see the sadness on his face. I quickly pulled the numbness feeling back into my mind, if only to save Jasper from having to feel this.

He should only have to feel happy things. I never want to be the source of him feeling anything but good emotions.

I lost it on the way home, unable to control the stress that I had been under. Well not just me, but all of us, especially Jasper. I couldn't have changed knowing that one day, one of us would be the cause of hurting the other one. Even with everything Rose told me, I was hopeful, but still cautious.

And now I am engaged.

Bella Whitlock. Mrs. Isabella Whitlock. Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Whitlock. Isabella Maria Swan-Whitlock. Naw….no hypen. I want his name and his name alone. Forever.

And the sex. Let me tell you about the sex. Yeah I know, I will never have anyone to compare it to. I'm fine with that. I don't think anyone could ever beat Jasper in that department anyways. It's like my body was made for him. He knew exactly what to do to make me feel so good.

Jasper ordered me some dinner while I took a shower. After getting ready to head back to the castle, I saw that the others had returned. With huge smiles on their faces Rose and Charlotte came up and hugged me, congratulating me on getting engaged. Both turned and looked in shock that Jasper hadn't gotten me a ring yet, but I didn't care. It was just a symbol. The words we say, the vows we take, that is what I want. To know that he is mine and mine forever. That is all I will ever want.

The entire group was going back with us to see the other kings. Emmett had never met them and was excited. I just hoped I didn't get too nervous around the other ones. Peter and Jasper had told everyone about Marcus's mate. Peter also warned us that we can't touch Aro. His power, similar to Edward's, would read every thought in our mind, every memory, everything ever spoken to us.

The same woman was at the receptionist desk upon our return. She smiled brightly at me and Jasper, taking our group right into what I can only call a throne room. Three grandly decorated chairs sat up on a three step stage. They were beautiful, but the rest of the room less grandeur. I never let go of Jasper's hand, but could feel the calm he was emitting to everyone. My nerves had come back, although more about what else we would find out tonight.

A couple of minutes later, a group of people entered. A huge guy, rivaling Emmett's side was first. His dark hair and features only overshadowed by his gigantic muscles. His eyes were bright red. Behind him were two smaller vampires. Both looked late teens, maybe eighteen? Similar in both stature and physical looks, Jasper leaned over and told me they were Jane and Alec. Brother and sister in human times, they were saved by Aro during witch trials. They were both very powerful. The girl, Jane, looked smug hearing Jasper explain this to me. Marcus arrived next, smiling at me as he made his way over to one of the thrones. The two after him scared the hell out of me. There was one with long, stark black hair, paper white skin. It looked fragile, but I know that is not the case. The look in his eyes as he, like Marcus, watched me as he made his way over to the middle throne, was eerie. No other word for it. Eerie. The last king was eyeing Jasper as he walked in and made his way to the last throne. There was a look of contempt in his features. His yellow, white hair hung straight, slightly below his chin. The same paper white skin on him as on the middle one.

"Ms Swan, Major Whitlock, so glad you could join us this evening." The middle one said. I thought he might be being sarcastic, but I could be mistaken. I didn't trust him. I could feel my heart starting to race, feelings of panic building inside me. The next moment I felt a calm serenity wash over me and squeezed Jasper's hand in thanks. I had been through too much today and needed to still get through this. I thought back to earlier in Marcus's office when I saw the look on Jaspers face while he experienced my sadness for the king's loss. It seemed to work that when I used my numbness from my time post-Edward, that Jasper was less affected by my emotions. I pulled the numbness to the front of my brain and allowed it to wash over me. Jasper turned and looked at me keeping his face with the same expression. I knew it was working. He would be unaffected by my emotions. If, what Marcus said was true, I would need to learn to keep control a little better. If this worked, I'll go with it from here.

"Aro, thank you for seeing us. I assume you know everyone here; Rosalie Hale and Emmett Cullen of the Cullen Coven, Peter and Char Whitlock, my brother and sister. This is my fiancé Bella Swan." Jasper spoke with conviction as he addressed Aro. His stance very much like the military man I had heard about from his past. He was colder, more clinical, but still very much MY Jasper. I wanted to send him some love, but realized this was not the time. This was extremely important and I needed to stay focused.

"Well Ms. Swan, we have been looking forward to meeting you." He strolled down off the throne and glided over to me. Standing not even two feet away, I could see he had indeed fed recently; his eyes were a glowing red. He put his hand out to shake mine, but remembering Peter's warning about his talent, I was scared. I didn't want him seeing anything he shouldn't. "It's ok Bella, don't worry. You'll be fine." I heard Peter say. He was standing on the other side of me, protecting me as Jasper was.

I put my hand in the ruler's proffered one. He bowed his head, listening to my thoughts and memories. After a moment, he looked up with a blank expression. Looking left to right at our group, he moved over to Emmett. Again he offered his hand. Again Peter spoke stating it was ok to do so. Again, after holding Emmett's hand for a moment, Aro rose with a blank expression on his face.

He came back in front of me, smiling slyly at me. "Amazing, absolutely amazing."

"What is it Aro?" the third king asked.

"It would appear that our messenger was correct. This is her, the one that we have waited for." The reply and Jasper's responding growl came within moments of each other. Jasper crouched down in front of me, but I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

Peter tapped Jasper on the shoulder and wagged his finger at him telling him to stand back up. He shot his eyes at Marcus's direction and Jaspers gaze followed. There, behind Marcus was a stranger. Someone else had joined the group but it appeared that none of us ever saw him come in. He was short, maybe my height, strawberry blond curls surrounded his round face. He reminded me a little bit of a leprechaun, except taller.

"Aro, would you mind explaining who the newcomer is before we continue speaking about Bella?" Peter had nothing but respect in his voice, speaking to the king. But there was also a little bit of the military tone in it as well. I could see how he and Jasper got along so well.

"Ahhh yes, please introduce yourself to our visitors."

"I am Shaun O'Leary. I am a friend." A friend. As in '_a friend_'? This is the vampire that sent us the note that brought us here. Peter's smile told me he thought so too. Jasper still had a low growl rumbling through his chest. He had pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arm around me. Clearly showing everyone that he wanted them to stay away from me. I thought about my numbness and made sure it was still in place. I couldn't afford to pass out now. My luck, I would bump my head on the way down and bleed here. That just wouldn't work.

"Shaun, are you the one that left us the note in Bella's apartment?" Emmett asked. He had been so quiet, unusual for him, that I almost forgot my loveable brother was even here. Shaun nodded in answer and then turned to the kings. Aro waved his hand towards us, clearly allowing Shaun to descend from the stage to come closer. His eyes never left mine or Jasper's. He was flashing back and forth between us. Soon he stopped, right in front of Jasper.

"I mean no harm to you, your mate or your family Major Whitlock. I promise you. I give you my word and as an empath, you should be able to feel my sincerity?" Jasper's growl subsided but the military stance never left, nor his arm from around me. He just nodded minutely at the newcomer.

"I am sorry for breaking into your apartment Ms. Swan, but it was imperative that you did not loose hope in your quest. My mate very much wanted both of you to get what you deserved and made sure that I did everything to ensure that it happened. You were always meant to be with Major Whitlock." I looked at the overgrown leprechaun with shock on my face. I could feel it. Jasper's growl returned, although lower in intensity. Who is this person's mate and why would she want me and Jasper to get together? I knew no other female vampires than the ones in the room, Esme and Alice. Jasper had killed Victoria, so I knew it wasn't her.

"And who might your mate be? How does she know Bella and I and why would she care if we get our happy ending, so to speak?" Jasper had begun to loose his patience, I could tell by the look on his face. I quickly turned to Peter and with my eyes, begged him to do something.

"Yeah, so when we going to meet _her?_ What does _she_ look like? How did you meet _her?_" I was surprised at Peter's sarcastic tone to Shaun. While I didn't trust him, I didn't know why Peter was being so rude.

"I am Shaun's mate." The voice that I thought I would never hear again walked out from a door behind Jane and Alec. Walking closer towards us, Edward. I could see the black spots in front of my eyes before I could feel the wind beneath my back. Then blackness.

JPOV

That son of a bitch. What the fuck was he doing here? And near Bella? And why was his mate trying to _help_ Bella and I? I couldn't believe what I was hearing and seeing. Bella started to fell next to me. I quickly picked her up before she hit the ground. Peter walked in front of me and held his arms out. I debated for a moment, right now holding Bella was the only thing keeping me from ripping Edward's head off.

"Listen to him before you rip his head off. You might be surprised." My oldest friend stood there, nothing but sincerity in his words and emotions. His arms still outstretched waiting for me to place Bella in them.

"No, first I want a place for Bella to lay down. She has a right to hear whatever this piece of shit has to say. Then and only if Bella desires it, will we hear what he has to say. Marcus, would you mind if I placed Bella in your office? Since she has already seen it, it might be more comfortable for her to wake up in there."

Marcus ordered Felix to escort us to the office. Before we all left, he also advised Felix to stand outside the door. "Edward, you are not allowed to speak with them until and only if Bella allows it." He nodded at the king, grabbed Shaun's hand and left through another door.

The six of us followed Felix down a couple of corridors to the familiar one that was Marcus office. I placed Bella gently on the couch and began pacing furiously. Felix told us he would be outside, but would allow a human servant in to bring Bella some food and water for when she wakes up. I nodded my thanks to him and watched him close the door.

"Peter, you have some explaining to do. Did your little women's intuition tell you this was going to happen?" The phrase always irked him, but he was not going to give into my bating tonight. He stood at attention and answered me as if we were still in the wars.

"No sir, my gift never gives me the full explanation. I just know that whatever he is going to tell you, you and Bella need to hear." Emmett was standing near to him; Rose and Charlotte were over near the couch waiting for Bella to wake.

"Jazz, listen, calm down." I sneered and growled at my _bigger_ brother. Still furious that I allowed Bella to come to this place. She has been through too much since the entire Cullen clan were back in her life. Alice, Carlisle defending Alice, Edward and well that is just a whole lot of fucked up shit from him alone. Now to add this to the list. I didn't think she could handle anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if she decided not to change just to no longer have to deal with all this drama.

"Jasper, calm the fuck down. Someone get some water, I think Bella is coming around." Rose said. She had never left my beautiful darlin's side. While I let my anger get a hold of me, she kept her calm and helped Bella. I tried to center myself with positive or less angry emotions, concentrating on Charlotte's. Her presence alone had a way of relaxing everyone around her. I don't know if it was a gift or her southern upbringing, but slowly I could feel her contentment seep through my bones. I was able to focus more, but the anger was still there.

Someone knocked at the door and entered with a serving tray. There was some food and water on the tray. The girl smiled shyly at us as she set the tray on the side table, she bowed and left, looking over her shoulder at Bella's still form on the couch as she walked out of the room.

Bella began to stir a little bit. "No, not him. I won't let him hurt me anymore." She was mumbling some other things, but even for our ears, they were a little incoherent. Her eyes fluttered open and I could see her trying to get her focus back. I poured her a glass of water and brought it over to her.

"Bella, try and drink something. Are you ok?" My concern for her welfare overshadowing any of the anger I felt only a moment ago. She drank her water, nodding her head. "It was him wasn't it?" She knew the answer, but was still in disbelief that Edward was here. Frankly so was I.

I nodded my head. She turned and looked at everyone. The people that loved her the most, standing around her, protecting her. As a family should always do. I fell to my knees as I got a huge dose of love from her. It wasn't solely directed at me, I could tell it was for all of us. But the amount coming off her had literally knocked me to my knees. As quick as it appeared, Bella did something to shut it down. "Darlin, you take me on some wild rollercoaster rides with your emotions." I could get up now. The anger was completely gone from my system, Bella's love for our family having eradicated it from my body. I smiled as I realized how she does this, whatever this was, to make sure I am not taken over by her emotions. It's her way of protecting me. With such strong and pure emotions, I could imagine her being able to drop me to my knees often.

Charlotte helped Bella sit up a bit and handed her some of the food from the tray. "You need to eat something honey, it'll give you back some of your strength." Bella grabbed some fruit and started nibbling on it, alternating sips with her water. She hadn't said much about Edward's presence yet.

"Baby doll, I hate to push you after you went all Scarlett O'Hara on us with the fainting spell, but you need to hear what Edward has to say. Marcus has forbid him from speaking to any of us, unless and ONLY if you are there and allow it to happen. Seems you have a friend in one of the three kings." Peter had kneeled down next to me, facing Bella. She looked at him, sighed and nodded her head.

"OK, just give me a couple of minutes. I gotta process this." Bella stood up, grabbed Charlottes hand and began pacing back and forth, following almost the same pattern that I was a couple of minutes ago. Her mumbling had started back up, but I couldn't understand anything. Every now and then, 'little shit' would come through, but that was about it. Charlotte would stare at me everytime they turned around, but she never let go of Bella's hand.

After a few minutes, Bella began to slow down. Her emotions still cut off from me. "Char thank you, just being near you helped calm me down. And keep me from falling flat on my ass. I appreciate it, you have truly become one of my best friends. I love you." Bella hugged her tightly, giving her a kiss on the cheek and Charlotte's eyes welled up with venom at the kind words.

"Jasper, I'm ready. I want to hear what he has to say." She had squared her shoulders, looked me straight in the eyes. Her confidence apparent in her stature. This was the same girl that couldn't stand up to Edward almost two years ago when he broke her heart. Now she is confident, a woman, and my fiancé. I would stand by her and support her during this. Whatever he had to say would be heard. And THEN I would rip his head off.


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: don't own**

Chapter 33

BPOV

Jasper told the big guy outside the door we would be out in a few minutes. He told us he would alert the kings. "You don't have to do this Bella. You know that don't you?" My southern gentleman spoke to me in the kindest voice. The love he has for me clearly showing in his eyes. I pulled the hair away from his face a little bit, curling my hand on the side of his cheek. "Yes Jasper I do. I am a different person from two years ago. He can't affect me like he did before. I won't allow it. I am stronger, I didn't deserve what he did then, but I won't let him take away anything from me today. I will be your wife and mate and I will do it after finally saying goodbye to Edward Cullen."

"Neither will anyone else here Bella. We all love you, we won't let him hurt you again." Rose's features were soft. My friendship with Rose started so tenuously, but now is one of the strongest relationships I have. Blood or no blood, I looked in the eyes of everyone in the room and knew I was with family. These people were my loved ones. And we protected our loved ones.

Felix knocked on the door a couple of minutes later, informing us that the kings were ready whenever we were. Upon reentering the room, I noticed that Edward and Shaun were standing on the opposite side of the room. Jasper stopped us closer to the middle. Peter stood on the opposite side of me again like before, Char to his other side. Emmett and Rose behind me. It was clear to me and I am sure clear to Edward, these people were not going to let him hurt me.

"Bella, please let me explain to you before Jasper finishes making plans for how to dismember me." I chuckled a little at his request. Apparently Edward was a little scared of Jasper. I kind of liked that idea. I turned toward Jasper a bit, pulling his neck closer to me and kissed his lips softly. "Please let him explain. I need this."

Jasper must have sent some calm through the room because I could feel myself relax against him. The three kings looked on from their thrones as Edward and Shaun moved closer to us.

"Bella, I can't apologize enough for what I did to you." I shot my hand up at him telling him to stop. "Edward, I don't want to hear your apologies. I want to hear why _your mate_, broke into my apartment, how you knew that Jasper and I were mates and anything about the whole Alice situation. I have no desire to hear what you think you did wrong, because no matter what you think you did-I know exactly what you did. So if you are here to clear your conscience, let's keep it to the facts." I knew I sounded braver than I felt. Jasper squeezed my hand and I felt his love for me. He understood why I needed this.

Edward looked guiltily at the three kings who looked as though they were watching a tennis match, turning their head back and forth between us. I noticed Aro had a smirk on his face while Marcus looked like he was in pain. Caius, well Caius looked like he could give two shits about the whole situation.

"Fine. I will keep it to the facts, per your request. But there will be times that I must mention our relationship so you can understand the whole story." I nodded for him to continue when Jasper interrupted. "Edward, just to remind you, I can feel if any part of your story is deceptive, so let's keep it to the truth." There was a rumble starting in his chest. His face was held in a tight stance, never moving a muscle or blinking his eyes.

I was having a hard time dealing with Edward being here. Never, in a million years, would I have expected Edward's mate to be the one sending us the letter. Never would I have thought Edward's mate would be a guy. Well, sometimes I did wonder, but not seriously. Never would I have thought, after having Marcus confirm our mating, that I would be standing here with Jasper, engaged, and in front of Edward. Fate sucks sometimes. I took a deep breath and nodded at Edward to continue.

"Bella, for the majority of our relationship….." I saw Shaun rubbing Edward's back in sympathy. Like he really needed that shit?! "For the majority of our relationship, the only reason I was with you was because I considered it a true test of my control." He exhaled loudly after telling me that statement. It should have surprised me, but I was long past that. Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I had figured that out when I tried to kill myself. Jasper had felt Edward's possessiveness towards me, not love, ownership.

"You don't seem shocked?" He looked up at me. His eyes still golden, looked relieved that he got it off his chest, but surprised I didn't react. I was glad that he still hunted animals. With his gift, like Jaspers, too much insight into your dinners mind or feelings could be taxing. His mates eyes looked a little orange-ish. I wasn't sure if that meant he was a human drinker turned veg head, or if there was something else I was missing. A question for another time.

"I'm not shocked Edward. When I went to your house almost two years ago- when I tried to KILL myself after you left me, Rose and Emmett found me. They contacted Jasper who told me that is what he always got from your emotions. Possessiveness, ownership, no love, a sense of duty. So no, I am not surprised. But please continue, I need to speak with the three kings and unlike all of you, I don't have all night to stay awake." Bitterness seeping into my voice. I didn't know if he knew about my suicide attempt. I saw Marcus shaking his head slowly back and forth at my comments, his face, while still shrouded in pain, also held more sadness now.

Edward's eyes opened wide at my mention of suicide, so I guess the little pixie shit hadn't told him that part. "Go on Edward." When he hadn't said anything for a couple of moments, he blinked at me a couple of times, and shook his head. Shaun never left his side, alternating the back rubbing to reaching out and holding his hand. If it was anyone but Edward here, I would have probably thought they looked like a cute couple.

"I didn't know." He whispered. His eyes shot up at Jasper in a flash. His face contorted into a grimace and it looked like he was in pain. I pulled Jasper's arm a little bit, when he looked down at me I gave him my best questioning look. "Just showing him what you looked like when Rose and Em and I found you." I could hear growls from behind me where those two were still standing. Edward's hands flew up to his head, he bent over and started screaming "stop, I didn't know. Please stop. I can't see this anymore."

I felt bad for him. A part of me felt bad for him. I imagined that Rose, Emmett and Jasper were reliving those days I spent with them after I tried to kill myself. Hell, when I look back on those days, I cringe. With Edward's ability, he was getting visual pictures of what he left me like. I didn't want that. I had moved past that. I just wanted to find out what part he had in all of this and that was it. I couldn't control what anyone else thought about though. If only Edward's ability would get turned off for a couple of minutes so he could focus.

He stood up in a flash, hands pulled away from his hair, staring directly at me. "You turned it off." I looked at everyone in the room. They were all focused on me. "Edward, I don't know what you are talking about. What did I turn off? Can we just get on with it?" I was beginning to loose my patience with the whole situation. Jasper leaned over to me and asked me what I was thinking a couple of minutes ago. I tried to remember and I told him I just wanted whatever Edward had to say be said but I knew they were all sending him mental images of what happened. I knew they wouldn't stop and I told him I just wanted Edward's ability to turn off for a couple of minutes so we could get this show on the road.

I heard a cackle of a laugh coming from the thrones. I had momentarily forgotten the kings were still there. Aro had a huge smile across his face and was clapping his hands together like an idiot. Caius looked astonished, staring directly at me. Marcus looked proud. I was getting so frustrated by everything. Damn, don't these vampires do anything normal? I wasn't even nervous anymore, I was getting pissed.

"STTOOOOOP." I screamed. Everyone, even the three kings, stopped everything they were doing and stared at me. I could feel Jasper trying to send me something, I assume something to calm me down, but I didn't want that right now. With everything that I was, I thought about rejecting his projection and retaining my anger. "Bella?" His face was hurt. He pulled his hand away from me and took a step back. Immediately I felt guilty. I had hurt the one person I truly loved by rejecting something he sent me to try and help me. I reached out and grabbed both his hands with mine and looked into his eyes.

"Jasper, I am so sorry. I don't know how I did what I did, but I am sorry for hurting you. I need to hear what he has to say and everyone is getting sidetracked. Please forgive me for hurting you, it wasn't my intention or desire to ever be so cruel, especially to you." His golden eyes bore deep into my soul. I hoped that he could feel my sincerity because at this point, I didn't know if I was blocking him or not. I still had a lot of anger built up in me and just wanted to get this mess over with. He nodded his head at me, leaned over and gave me a small kiss. Pulling me against his body and hugging me, I could feel him inhaling my scent. It was calming to him. It helped center him. I knew this. I didn't know how I knew this, but I knew this. I did the same, relishing in his unique Jasperness. I felt the anger slowly dissipating from my system, replaced by contentment from being with the one I love. I took a deep breath and pulled away from Jasper a bit, but remained in his embrace. If I was with him, I could get through anything.

"I apologize, I would like to continue, but please let's keep the harassment of Edward to a minimum." Jasper chuckled a little bit, I heard everyone else doing the same. Edward and Shaun stood facing us still, astonishment on their face. Edward looked at the three kings, received a nod from Caius and refaced me to continue I thought.

JPOV

Whatever power Bella has was definitely getting stronger. She had somehow apparently stopped Edward from reading anyone's mind. I couldn't feel her emotions, or anyone else's in the room. I saw Aro out of the corner of my eye touch Cauis's hand and grimace. His power must have been affected as well.

She had also rejected my serenity. I was at a lost for an explanation as to how a human could do any of this. Peter stood on her other side, smiling smugly. Whatever was going on, either he already 'knew' or his gift wasn't affected.

The apology in her eyes was enough to squelch the hurt I felt when she forced the serenity back to me. Her anger was still visible, but so was her love for me. I turned my attention to Aro, still grimacing and asked what we all were wondering. "We'll get back to Edward in a minute; tell us what you know about Bella's power. From what I can tell, everyone's gift is affected."

The ancient one stared at me when Marcus opened his mouth to speak. "We have been waiting for Bella for a long time. There are old tales about one that would come, not afraid of our kind, falling in love twice with a vampire, she would be extremely powerful."

"So a prophecy? Explain." I was losing my patience with the situation. Bella looked up at me with confusion in her eyes. I sent her a small smile but that was it. I wasn't sure if whatever her gift was would allow me to send her anything. I tried but I couldn't feel anything like I normally do.

"No, not a prophecy. Just an old tale, kind of like a fodder for gossip. That we know of she isn't destined to do anything great, but her power will be extremely useful." I could hear a growl grow in Peter's chest and realized one was in mine as well. It sounded like they were going to try to use it for their own advantage.

"What is her power?"

"She is a controller. A shield of the ultimate magnitude." I knew of shields. Aro's personal body guard Reneta was one, but I was unaware of what a controller was. I knew I had a look of confusion on my face, turning around to the rest of our group; I was met with the same look from everyone. Including Peter. Bella squeezed my hand a little in question, but I just returned it and reverted my eyes back to the kings.

"What is a controller? How do you know that is what she is?"

"Empath, has anyone EVER been able to turn your gift off? Edward, yours?" Caius had joined the conversation, and now appeared to be entirely intrigued in what was being discussed. "Think of her as a radio volume knob. She will be able to control the level of someone's gift, or turn if off completely, as she has done with everyone in the room right now. Her gift is limited because of her humanity, but when she is turned, she will be able to render any gifted vampire completely vulnerable, or increase the strength of it so that they are unbeatable."

So that's what it was? If Bella joined the guard, the Volturi would be forever unstoppable. There would be no gifts that would be effective on them and theirs would be limitless. They wanted her on their side. I doubted that they would take no for an answer.

Aro, still upset from apparently not having his gift, glided over to us and stood in front of Bella and myself, "Major Whitlock, my brothers and I discussed this, at great length. We are sure you are worried that we will want young Bella to be a part of the guard. You are right. However, our 'normal' means of convincing people will not work, so we are at the mercy of her choice, a situation we are not normally found in. This is what we propose." He went back to his throne, turned and sat, allowing Caius to have the floor.

"We want her turned here at Volterra. We will allow you to keep your animal diet, if you choose. We wish to study the extent of her gift once she is out of her newborn phase for two years. Our main question is can she eliminate a vampires power permanently. If she is able to do that, we want to be able to utilize Bella's power if a situation arises that it becomes necessary for such a thing to happen. This agreement would stand for a period of twenty years. We would only call on her if absolutely necessary. We will not demand that Bella become part of the guard. As Aro said, we would be 'unable' to have Chelsea bind her to us, nor would we risk her eliminating the binds that already exist."

Well, wasn't expecting any of that shit. What the fuck? I looked down at Bella who was staring at the kings with an open mouth. Obviously in shock from hearing all this. "I need to sit down." She said. No sooner, had Emmett grabbed a chair from the wall and helped Bella sit. I could tell she was exhausted. I knelt in front of her, asking her if she would like to continue or go back to the hotel and rest for a bit. She shook her head. My stubborn girl. "No let's get all the cards on the table." I looked at her, deeply in her beautiful brown eyes, concentrating on the love I have for her. A smile started to grow on her lips as she relaxed a bit in the chair. I could hear Edward behind me, "about time I got it back." Whatever had happened in the last couple of moments, was enough for Bella to return the power of our gifts. I basked in the love that was coming from her towards me.

"Do I have to give you an answer now? Are these even questions, or do I not have a choice?" Her voice was timid, but there was a small amount of strength behind her words.

Marcus took over, looking carefully at Bella. There was so much pride coming from him, and a lot of concern. "No, you don't have to answer now. We will give you some time to think about it. And you do have a choice. Young Bella, you always have a choice, however I do need to advise you. Your gift is already showing itself now, we have all witnessed it. It will be extremely difficult for you to control while you are human. I am not one hundred percent sure, but it could also be physically dangerous for your health. The comment I made earlier in my office to you I stand by, it seems you were born to be a vampire. With the Major at your side, he will help you learn your gift and control it, so it doesn't control you. But by staying human, you also risk the dangers of the supernatural world by just living on the shirt tales of it. It is not safe to try and balance yourself in both worlds."

Peter looked over at me and eyed Edward and Shaun. They obviously heard the entire conversation and hadn't interrupted at all. "What was Edward's role in all of this?" My best friend demanded. Edward started to speak, but Aro held his hand up to silence him. He stood down and Shaun wrapped his arms around Edward's lean body.

"Edward has worked for the Volturi much in the same fashion as we are proposing for Bella. When he rebelled against Carlisle he found his way to Volterra. During his time here, the deal that was made with Edward was to advise us of the vampires he met and the gifts he encountered. That simple. Since he only had to hear the gift in someone's mind, it would be easy for him. He didn't need to try and get them to use the gifts. Just knowing what someone has is enough for us to keep up on the talents, especially if we need a particular gift for one reason or another. He was intrigued when he met Bella, that her mind was silent to him. It started us on a search to find out if she was a shield or more. After the nomad James attacked her, Edward had told us that during the fight in the Ballet studio he was able to hear everyone's thoughts for miles around. Major, I assume you were as well overwhelmed by emotions there?"

I had to think about that night. I was running solely on instinct, trying to keep Bella safe from James. When I was able to bring the night to the forefront of my mind, I was in awe as to the emotional overload I went through just as I was killing James. I slowly nodded, looking down at Bella who was staring at me intently. She reached over and grabbed my hand, kissing the back of it.

"It was then that we realized she might indeed be the controller that we had heard so much about. We kept a close eye on her, through Edward mostly. Until the night of her birthday." Aro was shaking his head, starting at Edward. Edward instantly dropped his head in shame. I could feel his regret and remorse flooding out of him. Good. He should feel bad.

"When Edward almost killed Bella the night of her birthday, it made us realize that he was no longer the best person for the job of watching her. He contacted us later that night and explained what happened and we ordered him to leave. For the sake of Bella, he could no longer be around her. The singer call, how long he actually lasted being around her, we were tempting fate as it was. I wasn't about to put Bella's life in danger anymore. She had to get away from Edward."

"Why didn't he turn me then? If I was so important, destined to be a vampire, why didn't you just let him turn me?" Bella asked quietly from her chair. Her grip on my hand kept getting tighter. I was worried that she might actually break her hand if she squeezed anymore.

Marcus looked at her with such deep concern. It felt like a father's concern. "Because, according to the old tale, it was the one who 'feels' that is your true mate and the one that should turn you. We knew that you would eventually fall in love with Major Whitlock and I wanted to make sure that you were turned by the one who loves you the most."

"Why would it matter to you who turned me? I just met you a couple of hours ago."

Marcus looked to the floor with love coming out of him. "Because Bella, your heart reminds me of my Didyme. It is pure, loving and forever. I may have lost my love, but for some reason, I wanted to make sure that you were able to keep your love." Complete honesty and sincerity in his emotional make up had me in awe. I could feel Bella's sadness at the reminder of Marcus's lost mate. Aro had a little bit of guilt at the sound of his sister's name, but it was so small I almost missed it.

Bella stood up and started walking toward Edward. She still had my hand, telling me to come with her. Her anger was rising after hearing that he worked for the Volturi and that was the reason why he got close to her. "So I was nothing more than a job to you? You are an ass, Edward." I could feel Shaun's anger rise and heard the beginnings of a growl as Bella confronted Edward. I sent him a dose of relaxation and he cuddled into Edward's side. Edward shot me a glaring look for affecting his mate. "She's still human, he has no right growling at her in anger. She has every right to tell you how she feels. You will stand there and listen. Shaun," directing my attention at him, "you will allow Bella to say whatever she wants to Edward. Otherwise I will knock both of you on your asses, pump you full of calmness and lethargy to the point that you can't move and THEN you will still allow Bella to have her say. How you choose to hear it is up to you. Decide, NOW." I would not let anyone growl at Bella. She has been so strong during all of this shit, I don't know how she is handling it. Her emotions are somewhat muted from me now, I can feel love from her, mixed with anger at the situation, but they aren't strong. Kind of like she turned them down. Hmph, cool gift.

Shaun and Edward looked at each other and looked back at me. "I will not hurt your mate Major. I apologize for growling at you Ms. Swan. Instinct." Shaun felt apologetic, but not completely. Didn't matter, I just wanted Bella to be able to have her say so we could leave. Edward nodded at Bella to continue.

"Thank you Jasper." She stood on her tippy toes and kissed my cheek lightly. Her love was starting to come through a little stronger. If I concentrated on it, I could feel it better. It was her love for me that was helping me keep calm through all of this. I could begin to understand why Marcus had said we were better off together. If Bella was able to mute her emotions around me, it would allow me a peace that I had never had, only having to worry about my emotions. Of course, this would only work when we were alone. But she could also turn my gift off, effectively giving me the same result. I sighed in relief for a moment as I realized that might be the greatest thing in the world. After one hundred and almost fifty years to be able to feel just my emotions. Wow. I was in awe. Again.

She turned her attention back to Edward. I could feel more anger slipping back into her being, not sure if the calm would work; I just sent her some peacefulness. She glared back at me but smiled, letting me know she felt it and it was ok. Facing Edward, "Why did you tell me you loved me if I was only a job for you? Why did you kiss me if you are obviously gay? Did Alice know that Jasper and I are mates? Why did she tell us that my decision to become a vampire is tied to your punishment for me knowing about vampires, which apparently wouldn't even be considered considering you already work for the punishers and they were looking for me anyways? Why Edward? WHY? Why did you treat me like shit? Why did you think I couldn't make a goddamn fucking decision without your hand up my ass controlling what I did? Do I look like a god damn puppet Edward? Do I? Why did you take me in the woods and leave me there? Why did you take the family that I loved away from me and not let me say goodbye? Do you know after awhile I didn't miss you at all, just them? Fucking, even before I tried to kill myself, I missed Rosalie more than you. And I thought she fucking hated me. Do you have any idea, any mother fucking goddamn idea what I went through because of what you said to me? Do you have any idea how you made me feel? Do you have any idea how rejected I felt because all you would do is kiss me? I understand that one now. But I didn't then. Were you so fucking ashamed of yourself for being gay that you couldn't stand up and tell people? Grow up Edward. Grow up and fucking answer me. I said fucking ANSWER ME YOU ASSHOLE!"

I don't know if Bella realized Edward couldn't answer her, she was firing questions left and right at him, he was unable to get a word in edgewise. He just stood there and took it. I had to give him a small amount of credit for that. Really small amount. Shaun looked shocked. Both were standing there gawking at her. Edward hung his head again in shame.

"You have ten minutes Edward. That's all, ten fucking minutes to answer all my questions and then I never want to see you again. And you better fucking answer them completely. I want to hear it all" She turned to look at the three kings asking "if I agree to be turned here and allow you to study me, do you agree that I never need to see this piece of shit scumbag mother fucker again." Caius actually smiled at Bella. Apparently the blond king didn't favor Edward like Aro did. Marcus also seemed pleased to hear that Bella was considering their offer. Aro nodded, somewhat tersely, his emotions were happy and concerned. I could understand the concern, once Bella became a vampire, she could probably change a lot of stuff around here, especially once she learned to control her gift.

Edward truly looked defeated. Shaun was emitting a large amount of sympathy and curiosity towards his mate. I wondered if he knew the answer to all these questions, if I had to guess based on his emotions, there were several that he didn't know the answer to.


	34. Chapter 34

AN: don't own

Chapter 34

BPOV

_She turned her attention back to Edward. I could feel more anger slipping back into her being, not sure if the calm would work; I just sent her some peacefulness. She glared back at me but smiled, letting me know she felt it and it was ok. Facing Edward, "Why did you tell me you loved me if I was only a job for you? Why did you kiss me if you are obviously gay? Did Alice know that Jasper and I are mates? Why did she tell us that my decision to become a vampire is tied to your punishment for me knowing about vampires, which apparently wouldn't even be considered considering you already work for the punishers and they were looking for me anyways? Why Edward? WHY? Why did you treat me like shit? Why did you think I couldn't make a goddamn fucking decision without your hand up my ass controlling what I did? Do I look like a god damn puppet Edward? Do I? Why did you take me in the woods and leave me there? Why did you take the family that I loved away from me and not let me say goodbye? Do you know after awhile I didn't miss you at all, just them? Fucking, even before I tried to kill myself, I missed Rosalie more than you. And I thought she fucking hated me. Do you have any idea, any mother fucking goddamn idea what I went through because of what you said to me? Do you have any idea how you made me feel? Do you have any idea how rejected I felt because all you would do is kiss me? I understand that one now. But I didn't then. Were you so fucking ashamed of yourself for being gay that you couldn't stand up and tell people? Grow up Edward. Grow up and fucking answer me. I said fucking ANSWER ME YOU ASSHOLE!"_

Edward looked down at the floor while Shaun stood looking at him. I could tell at least one of my questions, but probably more, he did not know the answer to. Jasper pulled me into his embrace, deeply inhaled and I felt a large dose of serenity flow through me. I couldn't keep this pace up much longer. Whatever I did with whatever my power was had made me exhausted. But I refused to stop now. I was too close to getting the answers I had been waiting for. The ones that caused me to try and take my own life. In my mind I reminded myself that it wouldn't happen that way with Jasper. I knew that for sure. For all the doubts that I had about myself both with Edward and after him, I was completely confident (now) with Jasper.

Slowly Edward raised his head to look at me. His eyes seemed lost. I remembered that look from the ballet studio in Phoenix, right before he sucked the venom out of James' bite. "I told you I loved you because I did. But it was because your blood was the sweetest thing I had ever smelled. Every time I spoke those words to you, I added blood to the sentence in my mind. It made me feel better knowing that I was being honest with you to a point."

"Asshole" Rose called from the other side of the room behind us. Jasper turned and looked at her with a glare. She muttered something to Emmett who looked at Edward with a scowl.

"It's not that I didn't like you Bella. I just.."

"I don't want rationalizations Edward. Don't try to justify this to me."

"Fine, I didn't know I was gay until I met Shaun." He looked lovingly at his mate standing next to him. Not even being the empath, I could tell that they were in love. "I was never attracted to another man, before I met him. After your birthday, I traveled for awhile by myself, I found Shaun in Ireland and haven't been back to Carlisle and the family since then, otherwise I would introduce them. I am not ashamed of who I am and I am not ashamed of what Shaun is to me. I came here awhile ago to ask the kings to let me out of our deal so Shaun and I could be together with no secrets. They told me about Alice's plan and I asked if I could help you and Jasper."

"What is Alice's plan Edward?" Jasper, like myself, I knew was dying to hear this.

"I believe I need to answer that young Bella." Aro interrupted. We both turned slightly toward the king. Jasper was still holding me, probably afraid I would collapse again. "When Demetri and Alice discovered they were mates, they finally made their way back to us. We made the deal with them to stay for ten years of servitude. Our deal with Edward would have allowed us to find a replacement for Demetri, although no one is as good as Demetri. Anyways, one of Caius's spies was with Alice and Demetri when she had a vision. Apparently it was of Jasper and you. You had just told each other your fears and Jasper had said that there was no mating pull. She saw you decide to make the change anyway because of your love for him. I think she is jealous of the power you hold young Bella. When I read her before they left, I saw the vision. It was of you and Major Whitlock standing before us. There was both honor and respect in the vision towards both of you. Alice and Demetri were in the shadows with scowls on their face. Knowing what I know of Demetri," he continued looking upward towards the ceiling of the throne room, "I would say he was not pleased about being pushed aside. Demetri has long been the best fighter, tracker that we have seen. Felix is a close second, but Demetri is skilled in ways that even Felix is sometimes envious. Obviously, in a match between Demetri and Major Whitlock, I think we all know who would win. And with Isabella's gift, she would be able to render Alice useless. They would become nothing but second best, useless nomads. How you do you think your ex-wife would appreciate that Major Whitlock?"

I was stunned, Alice arranged all of this because of jealousy. She had been my best friend. Why would she do that to Jasper and I? "But why put Edward's life on the line with her ridiculous threat? It doesn't make any sense to me."

Edward coughed a little, bringing Jasper and I back to face him. His head was held higher a little bit now. But not by much. He still looked gorgeous, but pained in a way. Having to confess to everything now was wearing thin on him, even I could tell that. He gripped the bridge of his nose with his fingers, inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Because I refused her and she got pissed. Shortly before the incident with James and the others, she got a vision of you and Jasper. It was obvious that he had turned you, but you both looked very happy and in love. Alice hates loosing. She didn't know I worked for the Volturi, I never told anyone. Even Carlisle doesn't know. She was pissed that Jasper would leave her, much less for someone human. She hadn't had a vision of Demetri yet, so she didn't know who her mate was, but Alice can't be alone. She won't be alone. She figured if Jasper was going to get you, she could get me. When I refused her, she started making plans. I would only get small pieces of her plans, usually when it slipped out. But there was always the plan to get rid of Bella. She knew that Jasper wouldn't have the mating pull for you until you were changed and she was hoping that would be enough for you to doubt yourself Bella. She was hoping that you would choose death. If I understand correctly from Aro, her plan was to have you kill yourself and then her and Demetri were coming after me. It would leave Jasper all alone for the rest of his existence, or he would find a way to end himself. Either way, she would have gotten rid of everyone that ever hurt her. Me for refusing her, Jasper for leaving her and you for taking Jasper away." He looked over at Aro who was nodding, confirming what Edward had just told us.

Peter piped in "Why didn't she just let Bella kill herself the first time? Why send Rose and Emmett to save her?"

"Because, then revenge would have only been on Bella. Jasper would have never found out Bella was his mate and I would have still had Shaun, sad about Bella, but not distraught. In order for Alice's plan to succeed, we all needed to pay for what we did to her."

"How did she beat my gift? When her and Demetri arrived in New York, I felt no deception or dishonesty from either of them."

"Major Whitlock," Marcus started, "Your ex-wife is more than just a seer. She is a manipulator. A master manipulator. She can make people see what she wants them to see. It is part of why she is so unique. In her human life, she was probably a spoiled little girl who had everyone wrapped around her little finger."

I was floored. I looked at Jasper. He looked like he was trying to absorb everything that has been told to us. I turned and looked at our family behind us. Rose was wrapped inside Emmett's arms sobbing, Charlotte had her head buried in Peter's chest, his hands sliding up and down her back trying to comfort her. When I looked back at Jasper, I thought that he hadn't moved. Can vampires go into shock? I tried to get his head to turn down to me so I can see his eyes. I couldn't move him. I could barely make out the words that were whispering across his lips. "Sixty years." My heart broke. He was devastated. His wife, companion, lover of sixty years set out to destroy all of us, just because of jealousy.

"Hey."

"HEY."

"Jasper."

"MAJOR WHITLOCK" Finally, he looked down at me. The military, so engrained in him, was the only thing to break through his concentration right now. There was sadness in his eyes as he looked at me.

"I know. I'm sorry."

He knew I understood. I understood that he was thinking back to how long they were together and whether any of it meant something to her. Whether any of her words were true. During our endless conversations, Jasper had told me that Maria had lied to him and told him she loved him. That for forty years he spent thinking he loved her as well. But she used him all that time. Then to find out the one woman that you spent even more time with had used you as well, probably never loved you. I gave Edward my whole heart during our time together; it's why it hurt so much when he left. Jasper and Alice were together for the equivalent of a human lifetime. He really did love her. His months after her vision of Demetri were spent reconciling how he allowed himself to fall in love with someone that could just announce a better option and up and leave. He was heartbroken that she hadn't given him better closure. Would he doubt what we have as well?

"Never. I would never doubt us Bella. I know you are not like them. It's why it was so easy for me to fall in love with you. Your heart, your soul, your love. They are like a lifeline to me now. It's different with you than it was with them. But I know you would never do anything like that to me." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face closer to mine. "Forever Jasper. This time both of us got it right." And I placed a soft kiss on his lips.

JPOV

Dear Fucking God. When did my life become a soap opera? _Since you met one evil manipulating pixie and let her into your heart._

Bella understood where my mind went after Edward explained about Alice. Even with my enhanced skills, I was trying to remember anything about our relationship that might have been real. I knew we had been polar opposites, but I thought that it worked well at the time. I _thought_ I had made Alice happy once. I felt a little doubt coming from Bella. I knew with every fiber of my being that Bella would never do that to me. Marcus had confirmed we were mates, but even without that, I knew the conversations we had. She was so scared of turning and then one of us finding our 'true mate'. She was equally scared about the person that was going to be left behind. She had told me an idea she had was spending the last month of her life, trying to find my soul mate, just so she would know I would be happy. Someone like that is NOT someone like Alice or Maria.

"Forever Jasper. This time both of us got it right." My Bella kissed me softly on my lips. I felt all her love for me warm my ice cold body. I quickly deepened the kiss, letting my tongue absorb Bella's scent.

"Excuse me. Major. Maybe we could get on with the show, before you start projecting something that will turn this meeting into a big giant orgy. Since that might be a little interesting with the three kings here, maybe we could keep the affections to a PG level."

"Peter, you are an ass." Bella responded, never even looking at him. I saw out of the corner of my eye Charlotte reached up and smacked his head, followed by Rose doing the exact same thing.

"Damn, now both of you are going to beat me up? This sucks."

"Peter's right darling. Let's finish the question and answer period of this and then we can go back to the hotel and try and relax. You must be getting tired?" I asked her.

"Next question Edward, I believe we are up to: Why did you treat Bella like shit? Which I supposed would also go along with her being your puppet?" I had pulled Bella closer to me, her scent relaxing me and keeping me somewhat calmer. After hearing about Alice, I had started to see a red haze grow slowly over my eyes. The anger was building up in me and I had to focus hard on keeping calm to make sure I didn't hurt Bella. As her scent filled my body, I was able to loose the red haze and felt my eyes return to their usual golden hue.

"I didn't mean to treat you like shit. Or control you like a puppet." Bella looked up at me for confirmation. Her inquisitiveness telling me she wanted me to confirm whether or not he was telling her the truth. I simply nodded at her and then we both looked back at him to continue. "I was so enamored by your blood, I couldn't let you get away from me. It was all I could do to be near you and not drain you, but not being able to hear your mind was relaxing to me. The more I was able to relax around you, the more I wanted to be near you. I started telling you what to do, so I could keep the silence in my head. While the kings find my gift useful, I don't. I don't like knowing every little thought someone has when they have it. Especially since finding Shaun. I wanted to get to know him the right way, not just because I could hear everything. I know you don't want to hear apologies, but I am sorry for treating you so badly."

I couldn't believe the little shit actually told the truth. I could understand not wanting your gift at certain times. When I fed on humans, I would have rather NOT had my gift. But this is the lot we have in our life. Edward never thought of us as anything other than monsters, so he never learned to accept his gift, he detested it. Having Bella's silent mind, much like when she turns her emotions off from me, I know is a nice thing. But the love I feel from Bella is something I would always want to feel. She is a pure soul. I couldn't imagine her mind being anything but similar to her soul and her emotions. Instead, Edward used her silence as an escape, hurting her the most. In the process, he never got a chance to know the real Bella. The one that stood in my arms. The one that is strong. That loves fiercely. That lives bravely. That would do anything for those that she considers family. That is the person I will spend the rest of my existence with. My fiancé. My Bella.

"I am sorry for leaving you in the woods. I knew my words would hurt you. But without your mind being open to me, I really thought you were just infatuated with me. I didn't know you loved me that much. I thought you would be fine. All you had to do was turn around and follow the path back to your house. I saw in Rose's mind the conversation you had about being lost in the woods and wolves from the reservation found you."

Bella's head shot up at the mention of her wolf friends. She looked nervously over to the Volturi, unsure of what the reaction would be to hearing about more supernatural beings. Ones that were designed to kill my kind. Her concern was palpable.

"No fear Isabella. We are aware of the shape shifters. We have no interest in them. They serve a purpose in this world as much as we do. We will not harm your friends. Just be mindful that some of your family would be considered violators of the treaty that my dear friend Carlisle made." Eyeing Peter and Charlotte. I could see that Shaun had at least tried the veg head diet by his orange colored eyes. I wonder how successful he was.

Bella slowly exhaled at Aro's words. Of course, my soul mate would be concerned over her friends more so than her own well being.

I felt Bella send me her love and acceptance. She looked up and smiled, nodding her head. She had heard enough. "I think we are done here." She told Edward. He looked shocked by her statement. "I got most of the answers I wanted; I don't need to hear anything else from you Edward."

She turned to the kings, "Can we leave, I would like to go back to the hotel with my family now." Caius answered, apparently reverting back to his usual stoic, self absorbed self. "You are not to leave Volterra before we have an answer Ms. Swan." She rolled her eyes at the kings. I was shocked. The kings demanded respect from all who are in their audience. Here is Bella, a human, rolling her eyes at one of the kings.

"Marcus, thank you for your time today and for your words. I can't speak for Jasper, but I appreciated everything you told us." He nodded his head towards her and gave her a very small smile. While I had only met Marcus the one time before, I had heard he never smiled. There was something about Bella that had warmed the ancient king. I gave him an appreciative nod myself and sent him some gratitude.

"I'll let you know our answer if a couple of days. I am sure we will have our own questions before we finalize anything or change Bella." I would not agree to anything regarding Bella without speaking to her first and making sure that all the details were ironed out. I would make sure there was no loop holes that Aro could exploit or any possibility that they can come back to harm us. My number one priority would always be Bella's safety. If this 'proposition' came to pass, I would make sure we are both safe.


End file.
